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The 'Downsize' move already done. M was clear & practical with what to take to her new room in AL. (Very grateful for that).It has fallen on the next gen to deal with the family home & contents. Younger Sis a great help when in town, making boxes of keepsakes for all sibs. (Grateful for that too). I have Estate Cleaner quotes. They will clear then clean but need the personal items out first.I am stuck here. Stuck is better than sinking I know.. but I need to move from Overwhelmed to Organised. What to do with all the peronal stuff? The letters, papers, photos, slides, books with inscriptions.. My own downsize plans are on hold.. How to take action?

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I cleaned out my parent’s house mostly on my own and remember getting down to the items you mention. I had a big pile of stuff with no clue what to do. After having all family go through it, I had to get real and brutally honest with myself, no one was going to want it. Me bringing it all home would only extend the stuff to my adult children one day having to toss it. So all but the photos were trashed, and many photos were as well. The rest of the photos were made into books for everyone who wanted one, then most all of the photos thrown away, just a few kept in one album. It feels wrong to toss the contents of people’s lives, but it’s also realistic and unavoidable. We’re here for a brief time, and will be remembered for a brief time afterwards. Being melancholy about it doesn’t change it. I wish you the best with making the decisions
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Clothing, furniture, household goods I donated. My dd asked for a few items. I did keep a set of family records and photos as there is one grandchild who voiced an interest but I don't believe is ready to take them yet. They are in one plastic bin.

I trashed a lot. None other of the various levels of offspring wanted any of it. There were things that were very important to mother, but not to anyone else. I kept some things till she passed and then trashed most of that. Realistically what use is it to anyone now?

I'm glad you have some help and that the move to AL is doing well.
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Reply to golden23
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Thank you all. I feel less alone - but still feel like taking to my bed & covering my head with my duvet & denial for a month.

I had a wobble last night & told my DH I just couldn't do this. He said "Well it just won't get done then. The house will stay as it is, semi-cleared".

That's almost a tempting idea.. to let it become a ruin & the garden take over.

To bed early. Get some GOOD sleep. Then revive to fight the fight again, armed with the wise advice of you fine people 🤗
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Daughterof1930 Sep 3, 2025
Much peace to you Beatty, it’s definitely so emotional. Over some time, I’ve tossed more of what I brought home from my parent’s house as I’ve really found it’s them I miss and having more of their stuff doesn’t heal the wound. The “going through it” is the worst and it does get better
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Following this because I have a whole bunch of old slides from various passed away relatives that no one is ever going to look at again taking up space in my storage unit. It’s so hard!

Keep us updated! 😊
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Geaton777 Sep 2, 2025
SnoopyLove, you can purchase used slide scanners. Find them on amazon, craigslist, FBMP, Nextdoor, etc. It's tedious no matter what, and you'll need a device (like a laptop or external hard drive) to store them on.
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You know, when my mother died, some few years after my Dad, my brother and I went for the "last downsize". There was little left after moves from IL condo to apartment to one room in care. But there were the photo albums we had lugged and moved and I attempted to send them home to my home. Thinking they could go "book rate" I sent them as such and they were lost in the mail. No amount of tracing ever had them show up. I felt so bad, at first about all of them, eventually only about ONE of them that contained ancestors and an album my mom made for my dad, as a joke, of his old girlfriends. My partner comforted me by telling me "Hon, you will look at those one or two times more in your life, then you will be gone and no one will care about them."
He was RIGHT. I now have my own life torn down out of albums, repetitive stuff like 100s of pictures of trips to Italy and Paris thrown and the important ones neatly stored in plastic. It is still a lot.
And when I go my daughter will look at them once or twice in her life and then SHE will go and no one will care.
Americans and our stuff. Stuff-R-Us and storage companies make a bundle on knowing that. Humans are like all animals. Acquisitive.
THROW ALL YOU CAN. You will miss something once or twice in your life. Don't stop downsizing your own stuff. The less STUFF around me the more I like it now, and I miss none of it. All the little Christmas tree houses from the 40s? It delights me to think someone is enjoying them as they increase in value. I had BEEN there and I had DONE that.

My daughter loved clothing and has a lot of vintage stuff and currently newly retired is doing her own downsizing. But the piles of clothing she goes through having even forgot about so many pieces, are hard for her. She keeps thinking the same thing all hoarders are heard to say on TV programs. "That is worth money". Yeah? Show me someone willing to pay. "That is so beautiful". Yes, it is. Pass it on to someone who will wear it.

This is tough. And only Americans have SOOOOO MUCH that they carry it with them in storage containers as though headed to some potlatch where they will burn it to show their wealth. Good luck, B. Thinking of you.
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BurntCaregiver Sep 2, 2025
@Alva

I disagree about the very old photos and family artifacts. I have old portraits in my house. One from the Civil War era of a relative who was a colonel in the Union Army. It's gorgeous and he was too. We know his story and the stories of all the very old pictures and the younger generation of the family after me is very interested in these old pictures and the artifacts that come with them.

Of course we all have to sort through the snapshots and old Polaroids from back in the day and you can't save everything. So we save the ones that professional pictures like wedding portraits or family portraits.
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Keep important papers and photos . Other things that nobody really wants but you are having trouble with getting rid of , take a photo so you don’t feel the need to keep . Slides if anyone wants can be put on DVD later . Donate any books, items etc . You’ll feel better keeping less than more .

I hear you about your own downsize being on hold. ( We were dealing with my in laws ) . Happened to me too , and now we have a seller’s market by me . We have been stuck a couple of years .

When I cleaned out my parents house ( with no help from all 4 sibs ) . I went room by room , got rid of the trash first .
I made a box for each sibling for the framed photos of them and their kids , plus they each wanted one other keepsake . The albums and important papers I took home . Purged the rest of the house . Had cleaners come in . Staged the house for selling . Once there was a buyer under contract , had an auction company come and take the rest of the furniture .

I waited to go through the photo albums and the paperwork . Kept them at my house .

I did save some things I thought my mother would ask for while she was in AL. I had like 4 boxes . Every once in a while I would bring a box for her to go through when she asked. Then she stopped asking where all her stuff went . I trashed it after she died .
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Reply to waytomisery
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I have done what I tend to do when sinking.. clutch out in all directions. I was using up energy but not swimming anywhere. I know I have to CALM down & FLOAT until I have a direction/plan.

"If I don't change anything - nothing will change" Who said that??

I have stared turning the ideas given here into a practical resource. A mega list - to break this beast down into manageable checkboxes!

I have also found a professional organiser. I think this could be very valuable. Be the sweet spot between doing it all myself (low cost but drowning slowly) & outsourcing it all ($$$ but a fast rescue). The DOING myself has potential for me to get better at sorting. My Big Picture aim is apply this to my own downsize too.

Thank you
🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
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Photos and slides are very time-consuming to go through and sort. If it is too much to deal with now, and it is financially possible, get an outside company to scan them. Slides, especially, are a nightmare to go through because a projector is needed. If you get them scanned, you can safely dump the slides as the images are preserved.

I found easily 90% of family photos and slides could be trashed. Scenery pics of trips with no people in them? Very low sentimental value. The ones with people are the keepers.
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igloo572 Sep 2, 2025
Save the Kodacromes! just so beyond beautiful saturated color.
I grew up with pet names like Ansco, “Illy” (for Iford), TriX (the 3 legged cat) & “Deek” (DK72).

fwiw LegacyBox does slide to digital conversions. It’s a different price point from their stuff a box of prints / tear sheets for 1 low price. All goes to cloud storage although you can get a flash drive as well if you want to go old school tactile style.
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Don't let it overwhelm you. First, go in and get rid of the trash. I had 3 siblings. I got 3 of those moving boxes with lids. Everytime I found something Mom had kept of theirs, I put it in the box. Pictures of them and their families, in their box. Pictures I thought they would like. Letters and photos and important papers, I thru into a box to go thru at home when I had the time to look at them. Then take room by room. Ask siblings what they want and tell them must take now. You can donate furniture to Habitat. We had a charity thrift shop I took things to. If doing an estate sale hopefully you'll get rid of most of the stuff.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Bratty, my heart goes out to you. I did this several years ago.

I was brutal with letters, papers and such.

I saved my grandma's Medicare card (from when Medicare started) and her address book.

I took loads of stuff to Goodwill and put much stuff out in front of the house for folks to take. That felt good.
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