We feed him from our groceries, buy extra for what he needs that is different than our regular food. We are available 24 hours a day in anything he needs. We do his laundry, bring him his food, keep his room and his bathroom clean, take care of his medical needs including picking up his medication, giving him his medication daily, helping with all of his catheter needs, help him get a shower when ever he wants one. I just don't know where to look for what is the average cost of having him live with us and us being available for everything for him. He has a little money saved up but is not on Medicaid or hospice.
After you have done this research talk it over with your father then go to an elder law attorney and have legal contracts drawn up. Include the cost of everything. Rent, care, food, transportation, hands-on caregiving, 24-hour availability too.
Charge as much as legally possible. A nursing home or assisted living facility certanly will. An arrangement like this will likely allow for money to build up, but if it's done right through a god elder law attorney with experience in estate planning, what your father pays to you becomes Medicaid-exempt should he need to go into a care facility at some point.
Of course you can let him spend. Give him an allowance as part of the contract that comes out of what he pays. You can also let him spend what he wants off the record if that's possible. You're not trying to take all his money and assets for yourself. You woud be trying to protect them from being gobbled up in no time by a nursing home or AL facility should he need to go into one. Go and have a consultation with an elder law attorney who also does estate planning and set up something like this.
I have durable PoA for her and an understanding that if/when she becomes unsafe in that house or I become overwhelmed by her care that she WILL go to a facility (there's a great one 3 miles from our house that my MIL was in) OR she has to pay in-home aids hourly, which is very expensive (and a lot of management and coordination still).
Never promise to never transition him into a good facility. Make sure you talk to an elder law attorney about the PoA and other documents, and how to manage your Dad's finances clearly so that if/when he needs Medicaid there's nothing to prevent him from qualifying.
Make sure you understand what hospice care involves (they do take over most of the hands-on caregiving -- that will still be yours to do and then some).
"...(they do NOT take over most of the hands-on caregiving...)"
He might also qualify now for extra hel0 at home with Medicaid, which will give you a break. When ready for full time care, he can be covered by Medicaid in a nursing home. Work on this early rather than in crisis. See if you can contact your town social services for information on Medicaid as a start
I would do what it costs per hour not as a live in since it does not sound like you are having to do caregiving around the clock. (changing a brief at 3:00am, repositioning him every 2 hours things like that)
I would also have an agreement drawn up.
this can prove helpful if there is ever a time when there are questions as to where his assets have gone.
I would also indicate at what point you would no longer be able to care for him safely and what he would do. (Hire caregivers, move to a facility that would be able to safely manage his care)
Also if you do not have POA for Health and Finances get that done. Also make sure you are aware of his wishes for End of Life.