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Hi, my 96 year old mother is at the end of life. Hospice told me on Monday that she would be passing soon. They didn’t hear any movement in her stomach, so her organs are shutting down. Today is day 13 with no food. She is still taking sips of water throughout the day.


My question is, has anyone else experienced this? She is bed bound. She pees in a diaper and sleeps all day and night. How long did your loved one go with only drinking water and no eating?


I am using my FMLA from work to be with her at the end, but I’m just not sure that it’s coming any time soon even though she’s so frail and weak. I keep thinking every day that I wake up, she’ll be gone, but she just keeps going. I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted.

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My mom passed away in hospice 2 weeks after she left the hospital. My dad passed away a week after he left the hospital. It really all depends on their bodies and how fast their organs start shutting down. I was told this by a nurse. Hospice is a good place for our loved ones to be when they pass over.I’m sorry for your loss.
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I’m sorry for your loss. Also sorry it was such a long and hard road. My mother lived three full weeks after food was discontinued, surprising to all involved. I wish you healing and peace
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My friend's sister deliberately decided not to eat and drink anymore because she was tired of living with her incurable illness. It took ten days to two weeks for her to pass.
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M mom passed away this morning, she went 25 days with no food. We started giving her morphine and Lorazepam to help her relax on Friday and it seemed to speed up the process. She is no longer in pain and finally at peace. Thank you all so much for your advice.
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Llamalover47 Jul 29, 2025
jeepgirl0909: I am so sorry. Deep sympathy.
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Spend this time however it gives you and her peace. Tell her it is ok. Keep her as pain free as possible. Stay in close touch with hospice. Try not to be pressured into “when”. It sounds like you are worried about the time away from your job. I hope your immediate supervisor and/or HR person are supportive and will work with you at this difficult time. Do what you can - not what you can’t and be at peace with what you were able to do. If there are family or friends who can help, let them. This is an emotional event that you can’t control. No one can. Do the best you can. Breathe and keep yourself hydrated. I hope to follow my own advice when the time comes. It can’t be easy.
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My parent lasted 9 days without food or beverages.
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It sounds like it will be soon. (((Hugs))).
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As a RN, I have been at many a bedside death. It will be soon. It may help to tell her it is OK for her to let go and be at peace. If there are other important people in her life, have them come and say their good byes. Assure her that any concerns - pet, home, business - is already being taken care of. If she is religious, have her faith leader come in to pray or give last rites. I find that people hold on until whatever "life business" is complete. I also find that those who are Christians generally have the most peaceful passing.
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Thats because she’s from the greatest generation who were the strongest too ..my mom is 98 and still going even though she’s immobile, incontinent, dementia..eats but not a lot ..drinks boost ..we just sat outside today..I wish you and your mom all the best. You can ask her if she’s in any pain, so they can give her painkillers if necessary. Hugs 🤗
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Usually, a person can go for over a week with very little food. Without water, usually a person passes in less than a week.
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I just read this:

Those who don't consume food or water usually only live for another three to 10 days. Psychological and spiritual factors may also influence this timeframe. Some patients seem to hold on until they sense their family is ready to cope or a specific event happens, such as a loved one arriving to say goodbye.

I have heard this from several others / medical professionals. The person 'waits' to transition until their family member is ready. This transition is a spiritual realm.

Then I read:

How long can an elderly bedridden person live without food?

In my experience, the average time that a patient can survive without food or fluids is about two weeks, though I have seen patients survive days and even over a month.
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I understand you are mentally and emotionally exhausted.
Don't know if this helps ... 'try' to not focus on anything but in the moment. Anticipating and feeling you need to 'do something' while waiting may cause you undo stress.

I would try to relax into the flow of what is happening, appreciating the moments you have, reflecting on her life - the good times. And, not be 'too much' in your head. Although take care of yourself as you need to - take a warm bath ... go out for lunch or to the park. Do what feels good to you now to manage the mental and emotional exhaustion.

Or I wonder if your question reflects feelings of "I am so mentally and physically exhausted, I want this to be over." And, then how you feel about feeling or thinking this way?

I am grieving a huge loss now myself. I am flowing with whatever comes up and out, not analyzing it ... just being with it.

Being present and taking care of yourself is what I would recommend.

Gena / Touch Matters
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I hope you have family that can give you some respite from your vigil. I am 76, and I remember my grandmother in hospice many years ago. She refused the feeding tube my aunt (her daughter) wanted her to have, but they tried anyway. It was awful, and they finally stopped trying to put it in. After that I remember it was a month, maybe more, before she finally passed. Before she entered hospice, her minister came, and we all had communion and a service - and my grandmother said her part and said the minister's part with him! During that time, she had very little water, slept all of the time, and never communicated. I had been coming from out of town twice a week to read to her, sing her favorite songs (well, that may have been just as difficult for her as suffering through the feeding tube, but I knew she appreciated the effort, just like she appreciated my awful piano playing when I was a child!), and just talking to her. I had visited her the morning of her last day, and then my aunt visited her in the afternoon. I was told that while my aunt was there, she passed. My dad (her son) and my mother (who lived nearby), and my aunt who flew in from Florida to stay, and me took turns sitting with her, but no one was with her constantly. Give yourself some space, some rest, and nourishment, because no matter what - it is out of our hands as to when life ends. She knows you are doing everything you can for her, and I am sure she does not want for you to endanger your health over something that is natural. Birth and death are natural. She is not suffering now; her body is just waiting to stop. For your sake, I hope it will not be much longer. Her love for you and your love for her will always last and that is the most important thing.
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I'm so sorry this is happening like this. My father in law did not pass for 21 days. The hospital said it would be 3 or 4 days. Praying for peace at this difficult time.
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jeepgirl0909: Prayers forthcoming for this most difficult time.
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Poor dear, My heart goes out to You, I just finished , what you are presently going through. You can read my post July 13th , "Guilt seeping in"
My wife Nancy 79, passed , June 26, after 16 days of not eating or drinking anything. The first day she didn't wake, her eye's were glassed , barely open, wasn't eating or drinking the nurse said she won't make the weekend. this was Wed. June 11th ,well,16 days later she passed.

During the last two weeks or so, no food, or water, just morphine every hr. and anxiety med's to keep her as pain free as possible, she was in severe pain from arthritis , hips to her curled toes , & neck , head bent over so her chin was on her chest. Nancy was bed bound for over 10 months, bedridden for the last 5. She had a catheter, worked most of the time, had a few UTI's. Her bowels were lessening, but even though she wasn't awake, every time I or the nurse turned her on her side to clean & change her she would grimace.

This has been along, slow deterioration, started a year before the pandemic, with congestive heart failure, & pneumonia, I took 5months off FMLA 2019 & 20; In 2020 quit my primary job, to stay close to home & worked locally. 2020 into 2021 she was in intensive care for 6 days, with the virus & congestive heart failure. The first 9 months of 2022 she was in hospice & recovered, Praise God. 2023 Nancy went Into the hospital for 13 days , lost 3 1/2 units of blood, almost bled to death , from her blood thinning med's. Her hips were really starting to bother her , walking was painful , couldn't get in or out of the jeep, without much pain. The first first quarter 2024 was relatively calm, then she couldn't make her doctor appointments went on pallative care for a short while, THAT nurse saw things, highly suggested hospice again in September. That's when I stopped working altogether , and became a full time care giver, for the next ten month's. Like I said in my other post " It's my job, what I signed up for"

Our Hospice nurse , cut her water off when she couldn't take it in a straw. Said it will be a week or so. Like Your Mother , it could be three weeks or more, seeing she's taking a little H20. I do feel Your pain, watching a loved one passing slowly, it seems they keep going & going & going is extremely painful, Your a good Daughter, It won't be long, and you'll be glad you were there doing all you can. I could be wrong, but I think women have it a lot harder than men as a caregiver. Don't get me wrong it was tough, but women are more sensitive, nurturing , it's part of their DNA.As I was recently told, I'm proud of you, for hanging in there, MOM''s not quite ready to go' Gods Not ready to take Her. May The Lord Bless You & Fill You with His Peace
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In the last few days of my wife’s life she went to sleep and did not wake up. She had not eaten anything for about a week just juice.
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♡I just wanted to say, hugs & prayers for you. I don't have the answer to this but, my heart goes out to you. I know some are saying being there for her for her last breath isn't important but, it is to me. I would be devastated if my mom was at her end of life, and I knew this and wasn't by her side when she passed. Or, at least, could get there some minutes after she passed.
Work will work itself out & chip off some of your vacation time & or, personal days if you have to...but, you'll be happy always knowing you were there with your mom when she transitioned!
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Women take longer to die then men. If your mom is stubborn, it may take 5 days. My mom stopped eating, then she stopped drinking 2 days before she passed away. Your mom will go when she's ready. I was with my mom every single day. She had a fever and started the death rattle. My mom breathed that way for 2 days. She was conscious 1 day prior to her last breath. She no longer squeezed my hand and had no strength. I kept telling my mom that everything will be fine and she will be reuniting with my dad and I will look for her. I played her music that she liked also. Hospice helped with medication to keep my mom calm. Your mom can still here conversation. I am sorry about your mom.
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A doctor told me recently that not eating is normal and expected at the end of life.
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My mom was 90 and in hospice. She did not eat or drink for 9 days. On Day 9 — even though she was completely unresponsive — I told her that I knew she was tired and weary and that she wanted to be with Jesus. I assured her that I would be okay if she wanted to let go. She passed that night.

The same thing happened to my aunt, who was in hospice. Her son also assured her it was ok to let go if she wanted to do so, and she too passed the same night.

Our loved ones often hang on if they are concerned about those they are leaving behind.
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larrywf Jul 20, 2025
I was once told to let your loved one understand that it's okay to pass. Jesus will be there for her. Just telling them that it's ok to give in is all it takes. I've actually seen this occur. My friend told her husband to relax and return home to Jesus. Within five minutes, he was at peace.
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Prayers to you & your Mom..

My Dad was in that state for 3 weeks.. No agitation..Slept quietly, Cheyne-stokes breathing pattern at the end, morphine, then passed approx 2 hours latter..Mom slept for 4 weeks, no agitation, cheyne-stokes breathing at the end, then passed an hour later..

Hospice guided us with EOL journey..They were a Blessing for myself & the family..🙏🏽 🕊️ to all..Tough journey, we know😢💔
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It's not going to be long. She'll probably become agitated and you'll need hospice to give her something to let her sleep away. Just lost my mom in October 2024.
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I had traveled across the country to see my 98-year old mother at her memory care facility when she was still alert. A week or so after I left she became bedridden and non-communicative. The day she died I was with a friend on a walk and we had left our cell phones in her car. Once we got back in the car and traveled to our lunch destination, we saw both our phones were blowing up with messages. I saw my sister, who lived in the same town as my mother, had called multiple times, as had my husband. Mother was slowly dying. A couple of minutes after my sister put the phone to Mother's ear so I could tell her I loved her, Mother died. Life and death are the great mysteries. I agree with the respondent who emphasized that how you treated your mother during her life is the most important thing.
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My mil lasted three weeks like that. The hospice nurse asked me if there was any "unfinished business." My mil had wanted my husband and I took take a vacation after she passed, so I bought tickets, went into her room and told her that I had bought tickets for our trip (not even knowing if she was even aware of my presence). She nodded her head one time and within an hour she passed. I concluded that the unfinshed business was an assurance that we would take a trip after she passed.

So, is there any "unfinished business" that you can think of that perhaps mom wants to know is resolved before she leaves this earth?
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Pjdela Jul 20, 2025
That is beautiful. What a loving memory to have of your Mom. Her awareness of the toll of your efforts and support of your relationship speak so well to her character and love for you. What a blessing.
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I think you should save the FMLA for after death when arrangements are finalized, family come in, and you can sit in good memories of your mother. In my opinion, being there when the person takes the last breath has no importance. If you have loved your mother during life, and supported her as she aged(which is difficult in itself) then you should feel content with her passing when you are not there. Personally, I don’t know that I could stand and watch that. I have not yet had to. I am currently caregiver for MIL 99….She has dementia and I see her slowly digressing into the abyss of being in a body without a mind. That is difficult in itself but I just show love, make sure she feels safe, and content. I have an aide 12 hours a week so I have time to do things that require my focus. Other than that, I stay close by her side and try to make each day the best one yet.
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CaliTexasGirl Jul 20, 2025
@RetiredBrain .. *I'm going to be honest & you're awesome for doing so & she's blessed she has you but, I know I couldn't take care of someone else's mother..as, I'm taking care of my own & it is extremely challenging & stressful, at times.
An MIL...her own bio family would have to come care for her..if her children aren't alive, her grandkids, her siblings' kids but, you can't think I'm going to take care of your mother or grandmother, or great-aunt... someone who's not even my mom, stop my life & you get to go live your best life. Not going to happen. Because I bet, a husband wouldn't do it..he'd place an ex or deceased wife's mother in a facility faster than you can blink!
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My Mom went through this too. Started sleeping more and more, she refused food and only took small sips of liquids. So I would say yes, your Mother is getting near to her passing. My sympathies to you and your family. Watching someone waste away is the hardest thing to watch. I know as this tore me apart and was just gut wrenching to watch.
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My dad's intestines stopped working. I think it was about two weeks from that point before he passed away. We were told that we should not hook him up to an IV as that would prolong death, but not prolong life. He was unable to swallow, so sips of water were out of the question. The doctors were amazed he lasted that long.
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mammacow, your response might be the most helpful thing I've read on this forum. Thank you for sharing from your hard-earned experience of love and grief.
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My husband passed away in November of last year. He ate very little from September till mid October. then he pretty much quit eating other than an occasional sip of soup, very little water and a tiny bit of ice cream occasionally. Had Hospice for him and they were great. I told them I wanted him to have peace and be calm. He had Lewy Body and was anything but calm for the last months of his life.
He seemed to battle everything, once they came on board they were able to keep him calm. I also told him I would be OK, and he could go and be "home". The last words he spoke to me (it took him about 3 or 4 minutes to get it out) was he wanted to go home. He never spoke again.
Hospice told me when he was getting ready to pass. The facility that he was in had kept the bed in his room open because he was so agitated most of the time. I got to stay with him the last 2 nights. I'm so glad I got to be there for him. We had always been in together during our life and I wanted to be there for him at the end. I held his hand and told him I loved him, that I would be all right and that someday we would be together again, would he please wait for me.
I miss him every day, he's never far from my mind but I would not want him here with me. His last months were truly hell on earth, and I prayed that he could go peacefully. Because of Hospice and the outstanding care he received at the facility, my prayers came true.
It's very difficult, everyone is different I'm told. Just keep letting your Mom know you love her, that you will be ok. I wish you the best, may she go quietly and if you want to be there at the end, I hope that works out for you. My prayers go out to you.
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People can go 70 days without food, but only 3 to 5 days without water.
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