Hi, my 96 year old mother is at the end of life. Hospice told me on Monday that she would be passing soon. They didn’t hear any movement in her stomach, so her organs are shutting down. Today is day 13 with no food. She is still taking sips of water throughout the day.
My question is, has anyone else experienced this? She is bed bound. She pees in a diaper and sleeps all day and night. How long did your loved one go with only drinking water and no eating?
I am using my FMLA from work to be with her at the end, but I’m just not sure that it’s coming any time soon even though she’s so frail and weak. I keep thinking every day that I wake up, she’ll be gone, but she just keeps going. I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted.
My mother in law had been upset for years that she had been at her mother’s bedside nonstop, but her mother passed when she was out of the room for just a few minutes. She was so relieved to learn from the social worker that this may have been what her mother wanted.
She had many days where she slept all day. Many days when all she ingested was 4 oz of Ensure.
Her actual cause of death was 'severe malnutrition' which upset the kids to no end. They felt that was somehow demeaning to them and their care of her, which of course, it was not.
I'm sorry for what you're going through. It's hard--but do take care of yourself. Death is so private and personal. Allow her and yourself the grace of patience and time. No one knows when another person's time is 'up'.
Like you, i’m amazed that she can still be here.
God has a plan and I just give it to him, don’t know what else to do.
Prayers for you and your mom. It’s not easy being here, but I’m so glad I am.
But that is not the norm, as most people do die sooner than that without food or water.
Only God knows that day and time when He will call your mom home, so just try to make the best of whatever time you may have left with her and make sure that you leave nothing left unsaid.
And sometimes the dying person needs to know that they're loved ones will be ok after they go, so you may want to let your mom know that you're going to be ok and that it's ok for her to go be with Jesus and her other loved ones that have gone on before her.
PLEASE if you are mentally and physically exhausted ask Hospice for Respite.
They will place her in either an In Patient Unit or in a facility where they have a relationship, and the facility has a bed available.
Respite care is a benefit that Hospice provides and if your mom has been on Hospice a while I am saddened that they have not mentioned this.
There is also a program with Hospice called Vigil or Peaceful Passing. With the Vigil generally Trained Volunteers will take shifts to sit with a person at their end of life so that family can get a break or if the person is in a facility the Volunteer will be there so they are not alone.
Teach person has their own journey, their own time schedule.
If you talk to the Hospice Nurse or CNA they can give you other clues about signs of EOL. (End of Life)
Generally changes in breathing are common. Cheyne-Stokes or Agonal breathing.
Mottling of the skin. You will see this in the feet, legs first. Possibly on the back.
And..have you talked to mom, have you told her that you will be alright and that she can go, she has done her job raising you?
But again...PLEASE talk to the Nurse about a Volunteer that can come in and give you a break.