My Dad who is 100 still does his own toileting - goes into bathroom backwards with his rollator through the door - holds on to towel bars - changes his own depends and worst of all spends some evenings most of the night in bathroom meaning once in there he could be in there for up to five hours.
Since I am his caregiver and we both live in the same house (yes thank God I have my own bathroom). I told him this evening at 9:00 pm his aide for his sponge bath is coming tomorrow am early and you should get to bed early. I also need my rest too with everything I do during day.
I said don’t stay in there all night. Which could mean till sometime around 1:30 pm or later and then he wakes me up asking me where he should go? He needs assistance with his blanket - sleeps in recliner - needs water - pain med etc.
He starts to argue with me telling me it takes him time - says he has arthritis in his fingers. I said yes but that shouldn’t keep you in there for 4+!hours some evenings. He says only happened once. No he has done it several times during the last few months. He stays in there so long one night he got weak and I thought he would collapse.
I’m in bed now- he’s been in there almost 1 and 1/2 hours and I’m just going to let him stay for as long as he wants.
Anyone else deal with bathroom dwellers?
You might get his prostate checked as that can cause a full sensation and urge to pee. There are meds to help the flow. Daddy took those meds, but it didn’t help the delusion.
Also check for UTI. It can cause false urgency sensation.
Can you check to see if it’s a delusion? If so, it’s difficult to manage. We started locking the bathroom doors and accompanying daddy to the bathroom each time, but it didn’t matter because he insisted on staying on the toilet for an hour. It was quite frustrating and caused much stress in the home. I hope you find some solution that works for your situation.
I agree with ShirleyDot about getting a night-time aide so you can get your sleep. If money is an issue, maybe that aide can take over some of the work that the daytime aide is doing, such as the sponge baths.
I don't care WHICH room he spends his time in; I would be fine with this.
I have ONE CONCERN here. That is his grabbing towel bars.
Time to have someone in to install good GRAB bars to hold the towels, that are well anchored in the studs. Once he falls, at 100, that will surely be the end of him.
If care, overall is becoming to absorbing and all encompassing for you, it may be time for placement. But at 100? I am hoping he can see his time out where he is comfortable, even if that is in the bathroom. Get a GOOD padded toilet seat.
Yes, absolutely, he should NOT be holding on to the towel bars! That is a disaster waiting to happen!
Perhaps there are meds that could help him. Start thinking about how this is feeling to HIM - the delusions, compulsions, and so on. He needs peace - and so do you. Pursue this with his doctor.
Is Dad having trouble urinating? Is it coming in small spurts, and he's afraid if he goes to bed too soon, he will just have to get up again to pee a little?
Is he constipated, having trouble with bowel movement? That is a condition which can be eased with medication and/or diet changes. More liquids and less solid food in his diet. Talk to his doctor about medications.
He could be starting to lose control and is becoming incontinent. That must be a very strange feeling for him, especially after 100 years of feeling in control of this. If he could be persuaded to wear a diaper at nights, so that he won't have to get up frequently to use the bathroom, or stay in there too long, that could help him. He may be in denial or not understand that this is happening. But I really feel that it is time to urge him to use incontinence briefs.
I'm very concerned about him sitting too long on the toilet. That will weaken his legs, and he is at risk for falling and getting hurt in the middle of the night.
He needs supervision in the bathroom! I know you don't want to spend hours in the bathroom every night, but he should have help and supervision!
if funds allow I think it’s time fur aid to come in and help even if it’s just at night times /evening
it would be better if he just lay in bed and had carers just clean him
My father was totally against it (93)
but had gall bladder infection and the stay In Hospital resulted in a knee lock which we are trying to stretch out but means he’s not mobile
the carers just come in and clean him several times a day
if he was to clean himself there’s no way a 90/100 year old would do it properly - they can’t reach and clean/dry
he also risks getting bum blisters and such
i think you need to get him assessed and get further help
we use incontinence ok ants with incontinence pads inside them
the pad Is removed ( easy) and he is wiped down with large wet wipes wet in disinfectant warm water then patted dry then anti chaff cream
I pass the carers stuff and pack stuff away- so gave sone involvement Altho they can do it themselves
over time it’s just a routine
intervals he complains but I’m firm - they’re nurses ( that’s what I call them his cleaning nurses cone to freshen you up and no need to be embarrassed- they’re nurses!)
you need help
so does your father
There’s no way he could clean himself properly and he is probably falling asleep in there
wishing you the best
it’s not easy but once there’s a routine it gets easier
But also, we would have to go in there and help him clean up when he was done. And if he pooped on himself, which did happen, that’s more work, so sometimes my husband would ask him to go in there and “try” when he thought it was about time. But maybe it wasn’t the right time. I do think he fell asleep some of the time. Oh, those were the days 😜 we did what we could.