After 5 years of her rages, threats and oppression at 54 years of age I am finally evicting my mother. She won't leave on her own. This morning, she flew into one of her rages and threatened me. Threats are commonplace. I walk on eggshells in my very own home. She dared me to call the police and I did. They came to my home along with EMS and she voluntarily went to the hospital for examination. The police noted how remarkably calm she was. Well of course, she knows how to turn it off and on..... she has NPD! The police said you will have to pick her up from the hospital, like in any century my mother would be rational enough for that to happen. She arrived home (who knows how) walked in and promptly threatened me...... again. I told her; you realize you have to move, right?!? She said, I will have to push her out and that will take a while because she talked to the police. She pays a few small bills (her choice) and she told me she was putting them in my name on Monday. I know there is a moratorium in evictions because of this stupid pandemic. Technically, because I feel unsafe. I would think I could apply for an EPRO. I am trying to evict her in the least aggressive manner. She doesn't have 2 nickels to rub together and wastes what little money she does have. She was a Jehovah Witness for decades and they tell everyone not to get an education or save for your retirement because the end of the world is coming. She used to gloat how she was going to be saved and everyone else including me was going to be destroyed. Typical of NPD behaviour she is going to engage in a smear campaign against me. I have a high profile career, so she can do a lot of damage. I am walking on eggshells and terrified of the next 30, 60 and 90 days. She always says to me....that she wants her revenge, she wants her pound of flesh. I have a dog and worry about his safety. I am going to an attorney on Monday and find out what I can do, to move forward. Why would anyone think they can stay in your house for free and abuse you?? Why would they want to live like that themselves with all the tension and hostility??
On another note, good for you for taking a stand. I myself is abandoning ship. I am giving myself 8 months to move out...if I had the money I would have left 2 weeks ago. I will not be carrying for my mother anymore. I don't know what will happen to her, but I made a promise to myself right after I moved in "I will care for my mother until I can no longer do it. If my physical, mental, or emotional health becomes endanger than I "must & will" put myself first." That time has come!
We all have our breaking points and it looks like you found yours & I found mine.
Good luck to you and I am sending you many hugs.
That is so sad, the loneliness. I'm glad you at least have a dog. It's a comfort having a loyal loving creature who always will be by your side.
You seem to think that you could manage this difficult situation better than OP. Please explain what you would actually DO. Otherwise it seems like unrealistic criticism, which is not what is needed.
Abused has an update post today after her trip to her Lawyer.
It doesn’t matter one iota if the person abusing you has a mental illness. You are not called to be her doormat.
Lady, you are one step ahead of this game because you absolutely know that you don’t deserve abuse. Good for you!
Thanks for setting a healthy example of not being a martyr or masochist. Let us know when this nightmare is behind you and we will celebrate your independence from the h*ll you have been in.
Best wishes to you and your future.
My daughter has a friend who had a mom with NPD. Charming, flamboyant, abusive... Forged daughter's signature on a lease costing daughter much money in legal and rental fees.
Woman finally got evicted from her apartment for non-payment of rent. Daughter worked long distance with social services to get mom into a nice AL that accepted Medicaid vouchers. Mom left to try to get to a hospital in another borough where she was sure they could "cure" her. Ended up dying in a homeless shelter.
There are some people you can't help.
My youngest daughter was dating a young man while in college that had issues. Of course, he was charming at first until his true colors surfaced.
She did eventually have to get a restraining order on him. He did hurt her little dog and caused the dog to lose his eyesight in one eye. Fortunately, one of my daughter’s neighbors was a policeman who kept an extra eye on her apartment because she was afraid that he would try and break into her apartment.
My daughter was heartbroken about her dog. She was afraid for herself and her friends. She got a great attorney and they had enough proof to get a restraining order.
I can tell you the animal abuse, him trying to choke her, stalking her and her friends, attacking new guys that she dated, destroying her property, he attempted suicide and threatening to kill her was concrete proof in her case.
He left her a note at her work saying that if she did not reconcile with him that he would kill himself. My daughter immediately called his father. His father is a policeman and tracked him through his cell phone. When police arrived on the scene he wanted them to kill him. They tazed him and brought him to a mental hospital where he was evaluated.
You’ve got reasons to be concerned. Be careful. Collect data. Keep in contact with your attorney. Watch your back. People who are mentally ill carry out their threats.
I am so sorry that you are in this horrible situation. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Best wishes to you. You are doing the right thing by separating yourself from her.
I am 71 I am capable of caring for myself. Unless Mom has physical challenges, she can take care of herself. If you can evict her, then I would get APS involved and have them find a place for Mom. Let the State take over her care. Tell them you wash your hands of her because she is a threat. Always, she is a threat. Because it takes you so long to commute, I would consider moving closer to work. Do not give the post office a forwarding address. The only people who need to know where u live are the Utility people and you can always go online or call to get your balance owing from the old address. I would actually get a POBox. Then you can't be traced. Post offices are not allowed to give out addresses. Disappear. You owe her or your brother nothing. 54 is not too old to find love. Change your phone number.
Also contact an attorney to discuss eviction procedures. You will want to have all your i’s dotted and t’s crossed.
If you think that she will interfere with your career you should be proactive and speak with your human resources personnel and your boss. Find out how to stop her from making good on her threats. Damage control is easier before the situation takes place.
I am so sorry that she condemned you to perish based on religion. It is not biblical and we should never use the word of God to take people down, only to lift them up, lest we fall ourselves.
Good luck with the attorney and getting her out right away. A protective order is a good idea.
Can someone keep your dog until she is gone? I would not be stopped if someone intentionally hurt my dog. They would not be able to do it again, so I would do everything in my power to circumvent the situation.
You have gone above and beyond with helping her, it is time to stop accepting her abuse and move on with your life. No excuse for abuse, ever!
So very sorry this happened to your friend. It’s very sad.
See the attorney tomorrow and follow her/his advice.