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You had thought you were Saints? You weren't. You are human beings with limitations. You are not guilty. That's for felons who have malice aforethought and create havoc, loving it all the while. You are GRIEVING. That's the other G-word, and the appropriate one for your situation.

Not everything can be fixed. Not everything can be made perfect and wonderful. Some things have to be endured the best way you can

It's a kind of hubris to think we are Gods who have control of everything, who can fix everything. A just aren't. The job description for a Saint is pretty bad. They have to try to fix everythng for us, we shoot them full of arrows, then they go to heaven and we pray to them to fix everything for us.

Allow yourself the grief. This is worth grieving. Visit. Be as kind as you can. Understand the grief and pain of your elder. Embrace that you have done what you can. I am so sorry for the pain, but so glad of your decision.
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As always placing someone in ANY facility is a tough decision that is fraught with one or more of the several "g" words. Guilt, Grief, Gloom, Gratitude.
But in a facility AL. MC or SN a person will be safe and cared for. Now it will not be the same 1-1 care ratio that they get at home but someone is always there. And in most cases the facilities have been built with safety in mind.
You are not "terrible" for placing someone in a place where they will get the care they need at the level they need.
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So relieved! This is the best thing for all of you, and you’re making the right decision.

Dump the guilt and look forward to a life without this horrendous burden. I hope the move happens soon and goes well.
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I’m so sorry that you feel guilty for trying to do the best for all involved. I hope her meds will be adjusted when she’s placed and i hope you can get your like back, guilt free.
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Briana Mar 2023
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Nothing terrible about this, it is overdue. Great news!
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Not terrible at all. Its the right thing to do. Once you get her placed slowly the guilt you feel will subside.

Not that you have anything to feel guilty about but I get that guilt feeling when you have to do something you know you have to do but know the other person is going to be upset about it.
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Catlover99 Mar 2023
Yes, it is. We have tried to keep her in the home and out of a home but her aggression and frequent outbursts make it impossible to live in any type of peace and harmony, much less with children in the house. Trying to care for someone who, in their mind, has you as the bad guy, is impossible. Very tough, but necessary. The aggression is what changed things.
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Yay! So very happy for you. Now you can resume your life in peace.

No reason at all to feel guilty! You are doing what is necessary. You can feel badly that she is suffering from her situation.

I think that you will be surprised at how she will be able to adjust to her new surroundings. So often, our loved ones do better with others than they do with their families.
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Catlover99 Mar 2023
So excited!!
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