Brought my friend from her home in a different state to my state after her live in caregiver for 3 years was experiencing burn out and Neurologist felt friend was socially isolated and recommended MC. She was up wandering at night, though not going outside, but turning on gas stove, etc. First couple of visits, with her at MC, she looked tired but I would watch her interact with the other residents, chatting and participating in activities. She went on an outing outside MC and said she enjoyed it.
The visits this past week, she "grills" me abt home, lots of questions abt why she can't be there with her dogs, it goes around in a loop for the whole visit. She is somewhat angry with me. I validate her feelings, I try and distract her by taking her outside to the patio, talking abt other things, I've brought my daughter's dog to visit. She is locked in to going home. I have seen the caregivers being kind with her and saying, don't worry, we will take care of you and come get you for dinner, etc. You're ok.
I know there is a transition period up to 3 months or more for some. Has anyone had this experience? Anything I can do differently? Thank you!!!!!
Mom lived in Memory Care for just under 3 years and complained the entire time. Yet she had a nice time living there and participated in all the activities and events, chatted with the other residents, and spent little time in her room! But to me she was miserable. They reserve all their misery for those they're closest to. If you go visit, observe her from afar and see how she's doing. My mother would be yucking it up but the moment she saw ME, her face dropped and the complaining began.
Your friend is being fed, bathed, socialized and cared for. That's all you can want. The rest is on her.
She is doing just what your mother did; participating in all the activities and chatting with the other residents and saving her ire for me. Dementia is wild!
Thank you lealonnie1
Ask the aides if after you visit do they have problems with here. You maybe a trigger and you will be the person she is mad at.
They all want to go home but its not always the last one they lived in. It could be her childhood home. They do lose longterm memory too. I feel they revert back to childhood. My Mom forgot my Dad (hard to do because he was something), remembered me, oldest and youngest brother but not my deceased sister or my other brother that lived 8hrs away. Her last stages dhe became childlike.
You have to learn to go with the flow. Her brain is dying little by little. There is no reasoning with them and the filters are gone. You have done a good thing. She is safe and well cared for.
Thank you.
Of course you want to do everything you can to make her happy, and in your mind, the more you can connect her to the kind of things that used to bring her pleasure, the happier she’ll be. But this is a whole new ball game, and those things are in the past. Let her move forward at her own pace, but let her move forward.
I sympathize. It's hard to not feel guilty in some way. You're doing a great job with her.