Forgot how to live after years of caretaking, how to get back into life and finding hope in the future again?

My mother's hospice recommended a grief counseling group-which helped me a lot. I then volunteered at the hospital who treated her. After 19 months of being the sole caregiver, it took a while to readjust and get back into my former life.

Just saw this on Greater Good website:

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/the_top_10_insights_from_the_science_of_a_meaningful_life_in_2025?utm_source=Greater+Good+Science+Center&utm_campaign=a0c5c057c7-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_GG_Newsletter_December_18_2025&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_5ae73e326e-a0c5c057c7-74508155

1. Feeling hopeful—even more so than just feeling good—may bring us a sense of meaning

Some of us may struggle to find a sense of meaning in life, especially when times are tough. But according to a new set of studies published this year in the journal Emotion, one important pathway to a meaningful life is by cultivating hope.  
Over the course of a college semester, students who felt more hopeful at one moment in time reported higher levels of meaning later in the semester. The researchers found unique effects for hope—general positive emotions didn’t have the same effect. In other words, among all the good feelings we can have, hope may play a particularly important role in a meaningful life. 

Moreover, just feeling hopeful—even if we don’t necessarily think it’s realistic—seems to be beneficial. In one survey, the emotion of hope had a stronger link to meaning than did people’s beliefs about whether they could attain a good outcome.

In another study, researchers asked some participants to read an optimistic news story, while other participants read a pessimistic story. Those who read the optimistic article tended to report feeling more hope, and, in turn, readers who felt more hopeful reported a greater overall sense of meaning in life. This tells us that our feelings of hope and meaning can shift moment to moment, and they are influenced by the things we encounter in daily life. 

When we’re facing tough times, taking time to cultivate hope—for example, by seeking out positive news or reminding ourselves that tough circumstances can improve—can help us to see the world around us as more meaningful.

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Gena / Touch Matters

My deepest condolences to you.
Be lovingly patient with yourself.
Consider taking a class at a college.
Join whatever interests you - knitting, reading/book club.

Hope is a conscious intention and process.
Be kind to yourself.
Allow yourself to grieve, feel the loss.

Push yourself to do things you may not feel like doing.

This is a very difficult time. Do whatever you might enjoy - or at least try it.
Put one foot in front of the other. Reach out - little steps.

I wonder if writing (journal) might help you at this time?

I recently joined a group for seniors going through aging transitions. I do not want to be in this 'group therapy,' although I am committed to it because I know I need it. It is 6-8 sessions so I can handle that.

Keep trying something(s) until something clicks.
Be with however you feel - the only given in life is change.
You will feel HOPE again.

Gena / Touch Matters

I'm sorry you lost your mother.
And your caregiver role.
I don't have any advice. I'm just here to get the advice of others, since my caregiving duties have not ended. I am looking forward to the relief of burden, and also dreading it! I can't imagine life without my dear husband in it. I've been doing this for 10 years now, 24/7. I also wonder, how do you let it go and try and find a normal life again when that ends?

This question and thread couldn’t be more perfectly timed. My journey as a part time caregiver to my Mom began in 2020, culminating into full time caregiving when I moved her into my home in 2024. Mom has always been my North Star, moving her in with my husband and me just seemed so natural and the “right thing” to do. It was more important that I try and fail than not try at all, and I was fortunate that I had the support of family and financial resources to help. In my oh-so-naive mind I believed we could make it in my home about a year, and since Mom was inching closer to Hospice admission, it seemed obvious our home would be the final move.

I have only posted one question to this site since moving Mom in, specifically asking others what was the best thing they came away with as a caregiver. I had enough ideas of the bad, I was determined to focus on the positive aspects of caregiving. The answers were great, each in their own way. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come back to look over those answers, as well as just drop in occasionally to be reminded I wasn’t alone. I never really felt like I had much to contribute, but I’ve learned so much here, even in the silence. For that, I am so thankful.

Back to my “one-year-as-a-full-time-caregiver-goal” and I’m proud to say my husband and I squeaked it out to 15 months! Yes I realized 2 months in I was in over my head and knew we’d be lucky to make a full year. In totality, it’s been great it some ways and awful in others, even with the angels on our Hospice team. As I had finally reconciled late summer I had given it my all, accepting Mom and I both deserved better, I had hopes her next move into a nursing home could come as early as Spring, maybe early summer. A literal miracle presented itself for us in late October and I’m thrilled to say we got Mom settled in to her new home a few weeks ago. She’s safe, she’s happy, she’s well cared for, and God-willing, she may even find a new purpose in her new environment. I thought I’d be riddled with sadness, regret, and guilt at moving my own mother out of my home. Turns out peace still exists in my heart and mind, it’s just been harder to find buried amongst the hardest years in both our lives.

Yes, like most everyone here, I’m forever changed by this journey, in both positive and negative ways. And my particular journey isn’t over yet. Mom’s still alive and I’m her only daughter/POA. But the shift from full-time back to part-time caregiving is already noticeable, and very hopeful. I believe there are still lessons she can teach me, my husband, and her adult grandchildren. I relish that. There are lessons I’m hoping I can share with others at some point, whether here or others in my community. I’m obviously looking forward to being more of a daughter again, I admit I feel woefully out of practice in that area.

What comes next? Like so many of you I don’t yet know. And I’m okay with the not knowing. I do know this much. Just keep going. One foot in front of the other one prayer after the other, one day…sometimes one hour at a time. We’ll get to our “next”, believe it. It exists for us all. ❤️

Hello. I too lost my Mom this past August after 5 years of being her primary caregiver in her home.
I think you have to give yourself time to heal. Let the feelings happen and the tears flow. Some days will be good others harder. I know it sounds cliche but time is a great healer. I am sorry for your loss and wish you peace.

Take time to practice the self-care that you have not been able to do... Grief will show itself in unexpected ways. Take care of yourself as best as you can. One day at a time.

How this topic came up today must be meaningful. My mom in the Memory Care facility passed this morning from old age (99) and severe dementia.

I am dealing with all the stuff, but I have already wondered - how will I fill the time I've spent all these years with her, doing things for her... refocus my life?

I thank you all for your insights!

12/19/25 - This is a timely post for me. It's nearly a decade of "medium-level" care for my Dad. then a brother, who passed in September. I find myself suddenly idle. Time on my hands that I'm not used to. Life has been moving around me, and I have some "catching-up" to do... maybe. After the Holidays I'll get off my butt and get back in the game...maybe. Stay Well, ALL !

I lost my wife two years ago after Alzheimer’s disease destroyed her over six years of awful symptoms that have been explained many times on this forum. I was her 24 hour/7 day a week caretaker, and I have no regrets. But, it clearly took a tole on my mind and body. This might sound strange, but after they removed her body from our home, the walls started closing in, and I just went outside and started walking. And over the following weeks and months, I walked and walked and walked. It helped clear mind and my back pain and neck pain and headaches just went away. This physical activity has helped me through the grief and improved my health tremendously. Do something physical, get out of the house. Just move! It helped me and I am over 70 years old, and never exercised regularly before. Just do it.

I'm in the same boat. Both of my parents have/had dementia/Alz. I started caring for them around 2018 and was the sole caregiver for them with my husband's help up until first of this year. I live 1,000 miles away, so from 2020 on (as they progressed in their journey and needed more help) , I was on a plane on average every 3-6 weeks (max) using my weekends, PTO, and every holiday off from work to get everything taken care of from fixing things in the house to every day needs.

We placed my dad in a nursing home in 2022 and he passed 12 months ago. Once he passed, my mom started going downhill quick with her memory, so I had to place her in a facility, and sell off their home of 50+ years. Luckily had help with that. I am just now about done with finalizing everything, however I'm still her main point of contact for care, so even though I can relax, I'm still dealing with things, but it is so much better now.

I'm so grateful for the help now, but I have not been able to shake the burnt out feeling. I have no energy to take care of my stuff and dig myself out of a hole with clutter. I feel like I'm drowning in mounds of paperwork and items I have to sort through.

My life was on hold for so long, that I feel in a sense I've lost a bit of me. I have good intentions on getting my house in order on the weekends but all I want to do is relax and socialize with friends, and spend time with my husband. I lost out on so much for so many years. I feel like this overwhelmed feeling will never go away. I love the idea that the person above mentioned to hire a home organizer and a one time house cleaner to get me started! I think that is such a great start.

Would I do what I did all over again? Without a doubt. I can say I did everything in my power to give them the best quality of life I could. I also did my best to keep them out of a facility for as long as possible. It has taught me such a valuable lesson in life. Get your affairs in order at a youngish age, so you don't leave your loved ones to deal with really hard things.

There is hope and life after caregiving and I am living proof. I cared for my late husband for 24 1/2 years of our 26 year marriage after he had a massive stroke, then gran mal seizures, several different surgeries, vascular dementia, aspiration pneumonia and then sepsis and septic shock. He has been gone 5 years this past Sept.
When he first died I found myself wandering around my house wondering what it was I was now supposed to be doing, as I was lost and exhausted.
So I opted to just start taking better care of myself by resting, getting back in church, doing more things with my friends, and slowly but surely my new life started to take shape.
It has transformed several times over the last 5 years as I am still figuring out what I want to do when I grow up and I am 66. But I am happy and I choose to fill my life with things that give me joy as I don't have time for anything else.
So take things slow and just start doing things that bring you joy and in time your life and hope will return. And rest....as in lots of rest. You've earned it.
God bless you for taking such good care of your mother. She would now want you taking good care of yourself.

Start with getting rest. Sleep, including naps if they help. Sit outside in the sunshine -- even if just a few minutes if it's cold where you are.

If your house is messy, get some help to freshen it. If it needs organizing, hire a professional organizer for a session or two. She may get the job done, or she may just help you to see your way clear to getting to where it needs to be. Then hire a cleaner for a one-time, all-over session. Having your home environment looking and feeling nice will boost your spirits every morning when you wake up and every time you come home after being out.

Then just slowly start making that bucket list, and go for it. Catching up with old friends who you haven't had much time for probably should be near the top.

You've been very generous with your time and I hope you will be generous to yourself. Let us know how it all goes.

I recommend a wonderful book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, by David Kessler.

In this groundbreaking and “poignant” (Los Angeles Times) book, David Kessler—praised for his work by Maria Shriver, Marianne Williamson, and Mother Teresa—journeys beyond the classic five stages to discover a sixth stage: meaning.

In 1969, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross first identified the stages of dying in her transformative book On Death and Dying. Decades later, she and David Kessler wrote the classic On Grief and Grieving, introducing the stages of grief with the same transformative pragmatism and compassion. Now, based on hard-earned personal experiences, as well as knowledge and wisdom gained through decades of work with the grieving, Kessler introduces a critical sixth stage: meaning.

Kessler’s insight is both professional and intensely personal. His journey with grief began when, as a child, he witnessed a mass shooting at the same time his mother was dying. For most of his life, Kessler taught physicians, nurses, counselors, police, and first responders about end of life, trauma, and grief, as well as leading talks and retreats for those experiencing grief. Despite his knowledge, his life was upended by the sudden death of his twenty-one-year-old son. How does the grief expert handle such a tragic loss? He knew he had to find a way through this unexpected, devastating loss, a way that would honor his son. That, ultimately, was the sixth stage of grief—meaning. In Finding Meaning, Kessler shares the insights, collective wisdom, and powerful tools that will help those experiencing loss.

“Beautiful, tender, and wise” (Katy Butler, author of The Art of Dying Well), Finding Meaning is “an excellent addition to grief literature that helps pave the way for steps toward healing” (School Library Journal).

https://a.co/d/5SPKtsR

My condolences on the loss of your dear mom. Best of luck learning how to move forward with meaning, and live life again.

Have you even caught up on your sleep yet?
You've got 8 years of stress to purge.
Get caught up on medical checkups and eye exams.

I would think it will be quite an adjustment. 7-1/2 yrs would be overwhelming to me.

Think about what you wished for during those hard years...a new job? A nice guy? Travel and connecting with friends? Taking classes, enjoying a hobby?

Seek and you will find. Make a Bucket List. Best of luck to you!

Bless you for taking care of your mother.. You should be proud of that. I think things might come back slowly without any specific path.. No need to rush it get immediate solutions. Just living day by day you'll begin to be more attracted to doing things for yourself again.. You can start maybe by helping others on the forum, tell people what worked for you. Gradually you your old interests will return or maybe you'll have new ones.. wishing you the best..