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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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One has to realize that our elders want to remain independent for as long as they can. Plus some are in denial [like my parents] that they can keep being independent and remain safe in a non-elder-friendly home.
Why won't your Mother want to move in with you or your siblings [how wonderful that all the siblings want to help out]? What are her reasons?
Joy, this is an interesting question since so many posters inquire how to achieve the opposite situation.
A recent question by someone who wanted to move her parents generated a lot of comments, many of which advised caution or against moving a parent in with an adult sibling's family. You might want to read it as good points are made on what can be expected. A lot of people aren't prepared for the 24/7 demands that will be made on them, or on the personality changes as the parents channels resentment toward the family for what she/he may perceive as snatching away her/his independence.
I assume your mother is living alone; how close is she to you and/or your siblings with whom she might live? Are you close enough that you can provide respite for each other? Do you need to make accommodations for her?
I'm assuming she wants to retain her independence; that's understandable. Knowing her better than we can, what could convince her that she could still maintain some level of independence by living with you or your siblings? Is she still driving? Would any of you be able to take her without restriction to wherever she wants to go? Do you have enough space in your house that she won't feel like a tenant? Exchanging a house for a room is quite a downsizing event, especially for someone at her age.
Your profile states that she's depressed. What plans do you have to address this? Do you have children or pets that might provide a cheery atmosphere?
What alternate plans do you have in the event she becomes more forgetful and/or is diagnosed with dementia and suffers a behavioral change?
And what are her specific reasons for resistance? I would examine these very carefully and determine how you can address each to the level that provides her with comfort that moving in would be a good decision. As long as, in her mind, she has valid reasons not to move, she'll have reason to even consider it. Bring yourself around to her way of thinking and address the issues from that perspective.
But also focus on the fact that you just want her near you and want to ensure that she has as good, safe and healthy a life as possible.
Freqflyer, I agree with your comment about elder independence. As my Mother notices mental and physical changes due to aging, and having less control in some areas, she works harder to show us how independent she is. Her home is her familiarity, and she feels in control there (which, of course, is understandable). Stepping outside of it she feels disoriented and worries about bladder and bowel control. This is one reason why she doesn't visit her family. The other reason is that she feels she is imposing on us, especially since she has a dog. My Mother has a "martyr complex" and doesn't think she is deserving. It baffles me and my sibs, and we all reassure her how much we all love her, want to spend time with her, and want her to spend time with her family. We tell her she can bring her dog or we'll arrange to have her taken care of. My sibs and I find this very frustrating.
Garden Artist, I read the discussion you recommended and it definitely is food for thought, so much to consider. It is quite overwhelming.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Why won't your Mother want to move in with you or your siblings [how wonderful that all the siblings want to help out]? What are her reasons?
A recent question by someone who wanted to move her parents generated a lot of comments, many of which advised caution or against moving a parent in with an adult sibling's family. You might want to read it as good points are made on what can be expected. A lot of people aren't prepared for the 24/7 demands that will be made on them, or on the personality changes as the parents channels resentment toward the family for what she/he may perceive as snatching away her/his independence.
"Moving my parents from WV to VA soon....", https://www.agingcare.com/questions/moving-transition-an-easy-one-184488.htm
I assume your mother is living alone; how close is she to you and/or your siblings with whom she might live? Are you close enough that you can provide respite for each other? Do you need to make accommodations for her?
I'm assuming she wants to retain her independence; that's understandable. Knowing her better than we can, what could convince her that she could still maintain some level of independence by living with you or your siblings? Is she still driving? Would any of you be able to take her without restriction to wherever she wants to go? Do you have enough space in your house that she won't feel like a tenant? Exchanging a house for a room is quite a downsizing event, especially for someone at her age.
Your profile states that she's depressed. What plans do you have to address this? Do you have children or pets that might provide a cheery atmosphere?
What alternate plans do you have in the event she becomes more forgetful and/or is diagnosed with dementia and suffers a behavioral change?
And what are her specific reasons for resistance? I would examine these very carefully and determine how you can address each to the level that provides her with comfort that moving in would be a good decision. As long as, in her mind, she has valid reasons not to move, she'll have reason to even consider it. Bring yourself around to her way of thinking and address the issues from that perspective.
But also focus on the fact that you just want her near you and want to ensure that she has as good, safe and healthy a life as possible.
Garden Artist, I read the discussion you recommended and it definitely is food for thought, so much to consider. It is quite overwhelming.