I have realized my mom will not move near me until she doesn't have a home to go back to. She is visiting me now (out of town) and we have looked at senior living communities while here. One day she is ready to sell her condo, 4 hours later she talks about how hard change is, understandably, but she doesn't remember the conversation from the morning to the afternoon. That said, my sister and I are named as owners on the deed, too, and I am first POA w/ my sister in agreement to sell the condo. I have told her we are going to list it, sometimes she asks if it's listed and I feel like saying yes. I'm just wondering if anyone has just ripped the bandaid off and sold their LO's home. Any advice is welcomed as always.
https://www.verywellhealth.com/what-are-adls-and-iadls-2510011
Maybe talk with a certified elderlaw attorney (CELA) if you're unsure as to where you stand. Would assume that at least her share of the sale would be applied to her living costs. If it is the beginings of dementia, keep in mind that a move to a community that offers a good memory care program for her future needs might be best.
Many people in your mother’s age group have a very tough time adjusting to this situation, and as loving POAs you will find yourself in a position in which you will be forced to make choices that will result in less than happy endings.
If she shouldn’t be driving, she shouldn't be driving. If you sell the condo and tell her that you want her to be living nearer to you and your sister, that transition at least will be a little more natural- “You don’t really need the car any more Mom, we’re glad to take you to——-.”
Many POAs/caregivers consider this period of decision making especially difficult. I definitely felt that way, but once done things ultimately smoothed out for LO.
If Mom is showing signs of Dementia, she needs an Assisted Living or even Memory care.
You say that you, your sister, AND your mother are ALL ON TITLE AND DEED?
Is that correct?
If so, then any ONE of you, according to many state laws, can "force the sale" of the condo. That is you can say you want to sell, and require all others to do so as well. This would be a COURT action for which you would get an attorney. It is not done as POA.
You say nothing about your mother being incompetent.
If she is not you have a poor understanding of the duties as POA and you should attend an elder law attorney to get facts, as well as reading your document about your powers.
While the principle who appointed you POA is COMPETENT to make her own decisions SHE DECIDES what will be done in her life. Not you. When she is no longer competent, when her dementia is to the state where she cannot safely make decisions, THEN you can sell the home and place her as you see best for her own safety.
Currently your mother, if not incompetent, can remove your POA in two seconds by walking into any attorney office she wishes. Were you aware of this?
Do become educated about POA in your own state. It is crucial. It is a LEGAL FIDUCIARY duty held to the highest standards under the law.
We also had a Real Estate POA executed that enabled me to sell her home.
It was a smooth transaction.
The worst part was cleaning out 45 years of stuff on my own prior to listing the home.
The past six months have been consumed with selling their home and condo and emptying out their things from each residence. Was it difficult, absolutely! Did it need to happen, Absolutely!
Since your mom is willing to look at senior communities, then take her to them. Since she has dementia, she can't make all the decisions for herself. That is why you have POA; you have to make the hard decisions. Do what makes your mom safe. It is hard but you have been given the job of deciding for her when she cannot decide for herself. I wish you all the luck in the world. It is hard but knowing that they are safe at least helps you sleep at night. Do what you can now, don't wait, it will not get easier.
You are 100% correct. The OP needs to read the POA where she will see that her mother is giving her permission to conduct any business for her mother.
But I agree an elder attorney would be helpful.
Due to bad behavior on her part, we couldn’t have her and her nasty dog live with us. Imagine constant fighting and a destructive dog that would have defecated every wherein the house.
We managed to get her into assisted living, which she thought was temporary, but was really permanent. Once there, I started cleaning up her house. Since she hoarded clothes, shoes , curtains, furniture, whatever, it had to be hauled to Goodwill, Salvation Army, other charities. It took some time. After that, we hired a company to clear out the attic and the furniture, kitchen cabinets, old wall to wall carpet and started fixing everything we could.
The whole effort from start to finish took 8 months and the house was sold. She would not have returned. She was afraid to be alone in the house, would have destroyed the fixed up house, and really didn’t know what she wanted. Her dream was something out of a movie like “The Enchanted Cottage.” She wanted some middle aged woman to take care of her in a cottage by the sea or near us. We thought she’d move in and fire the poor person in no time flat if they were gullible enough to work for her in a heartbeat.
Things never work out that way. She is in an ALF 3.5 hours from us, doesn’t receive visits because she is vicious, and just lost her dog, because she refused to allow the facility to clean the room regularly. The dog was adopted by a staff member. I think the dog was fortunate.
The house is no longer a burden. We did let her know that the house was sold. She was angry, but in the entire time she has been at this facility, she has not made an effort to leave. She must realize that it isn’t worth the effort to pursue any recourse. She finally really has what she wants. Nobody bothers her. She’d banned visits to her and her home for 15 years before my husband’s father passed. Only after he passed, did she want any family contact.
it's better to start the process of selling moms condo now rather than waiting until there is an emergency.
Good luck to you and your sister.