
I don’t even want to spend holidays with my “siblings” but want to see my Mom. There are 5 kids. 2of us constantly took care of my dad before he passed. He was in wheelchair so i had to run over many times a day when he had an “urge” to use restroom. My husband is the one who realized Dad needed showers & took it upon himself. On the day Dad passed, 1 sister (who worked in PT & never helped) looked at my husband and said “I would have helped if you all would have called me”. umm he was in a wheelchair/ did he needed help! Anyway Mom fell and broke her femur and of course my good brother and I are the only ones that show up daily, take care of house, groceries, laundry, medicine. When Mom was in rehab she asked me to make sure there was no money in her house because she was worried about them coming in and stealing it. ( it has happened a lot before Dad passed). And of course after Dad passed they all wanted keys to the house. So with that little history of “siblings”- I want to just go away for the holidays as an excuse not to be there with siblings. They’ll show up for free food. They write nasty notes about me & my 1 brother about not doing things they think we should. But Mom has asked me to be with her when the others are there. I feel I should help be there for Mom. But, the idea of being at the same dinner table makes me nauseous. I do anything for my Mom. I mean I already do. What do I do? I don’t want to be there but what if it’s her last holiday? ugh
On the flip side of the discussion, you are also wrong. Do not blame your siblings for not stepping up to help you with your late father's caregiving needs if you and your brother never asked them to. When it comes to caregiving for sick and elderly loved ones, most people will assume that someone has the situation well in hand if they're not asking for help. Being sarcastic about it and saying they should just "know" is not the same thing as telling them in plain language that you will not and cannot handle all of the care for the parents and they will have to be placed if they refuse to make a plan with you and help out with it.
Wishing you the best holiday you can have under the circumstances 💖
Why should Stressedmess guilt-trip herself and ruin the holidays for herself? She didn't do anything wrong so why would she have to forgive herself if something "happens"?
The mother goes to for "help" because she loves her the most. No, on the contrary. She is the one that can be most easily gaslit and manipulated into doing her bidding. This way she can get her own way and appease her other children who really should be given a good, swift kick in the backside for their own good. The mother wants to be the peacemaker and just wants everyone to have a good holiday. So long as the OP can keep all the plates spinning and do it.
No. Enough is enough. Stressedmess does not want to spend the holiday with her siblings and should not have to.