My 75 year old very healthy aunt who has been blind since birth moved in with us in November. I completely rearranged the house, made the microwave and keurig coffee maker accessible and easy for her to use with braille dots and put organizer bins in both fridge and freezer with easy foods she can prepare herself . We went thru the process several times to ensure she could do these tasks safely but she waits for me to do these things for her. She constantly tells me she did everything at her sisters where she lived before as well as waited on her. She does nothing here . I have heart failure with a pacemaker and icd and am 65. I do all the housework and cooking plus take care of her. I am exhausted. Her table manners are atrocious. She burps loudly and blows her nose at the table even though I have politely asked her not to. I recently asked other family members for help, asked for someone to sit with her while I have surgery tomorrow, but everyone has “plans” or refuses to acknowledge my phone calls/texts … my granddaughter who is a college student will be home in between classes and work. I am a retired nurse but don’t think I can handle this unless she does what she is perfectly capable of doing. I have explained this to her more than once but she still just sits . Whole I cook and clean she either watches tv, listens to talking books, reads her braille books and magazines, or listens to her Alexa in her room . I am exhausted .
I'm sorry you're going through this and wish you good luck and Godspeed getting your aunt out of your home and into Assisted Living.
May I ask, how is it that she came to live with you? Did you invite her, or did she invite herself, or did someone pressure you into this? However good your intentions were, the situation is not working out, and the longer she stays, the harder it will be to change things.
Since she has been blind since birth, does she have a social worker or non-profit organization that has assisted her? If so, ask them to help you get a placement for her. If not, let google help you find the right information. Give her the options of where she can move to, and a date by which she must do so.
In the meantime, stop doing all this for her. Whatever she can do for herself, just tell her to do it herself.
You need to take care of yourself. You need to be healthy and available for whoever else lives with you (you said "us") -- your spouse, your children and grandchildren, if you have them. Let us know how it goes.
You stated, "I am a retired nurse, but don't think I can handle this unless she does what she is perfectly capable of doing." You didn't work your whole life to end up using your precious retirement years for babysitting your lazy Aunt in your home. Plus you have a granddaughter coming? No other relatives are helping?
Now before surgery is not a good time to start a firestorm, but you could get your granddaughter to help you double team Aunt into getting off her ass, or she's going to have to move elsewhere. You have tried to be nice, and Aunt is pretending to not hear you, or faking being helpless. She needs a chore list to follow, or find somewhere else to live and be lazy.
Why do you need someone to "sit with her" while you are in surgery? It would probably be best to start looking for another place for Aunt to live, or you will be miserable forever. It's just not fair to you at all.
Good luck!