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III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Here are a couple of things I have learned to do. Regarding medication, we tried a couple of the meds from the neurologist (Rexulti & Seoquel), but my husband had bad reactions to them. He is sensitive to some meds and they made him feel so bad, I just couldn’t do that to him.
Instead, his GP prescribed a mild anti-anxiety med (clonAZEPAM) that just makes him feel like he’s had a drink and relaxes and calms him just enough to help. That’s all I wanted, just for him to be calmer.
Also, when we go out to dinner, I usually take him to a place where the people know him well and understand what’s going on with him. They have learned how to talk to him and that helps a lot. I take him other places, but just a few that are familiar to him. I think familiarity is important to avoid the anxiety that comes with confusion.
And then there is the art of deflection. It really is an art and works most of the time, but it takes practice to get good at it. Watch Tesla Snow videos to learn more.
His anger doesn’t bother me as much as it used to, partially because I’ve learned coping mechanisms. And I think about how I would react if I were slowly losing my brain functions and I might react with anger too. I just try to keep him feeling safe. I show him lots of affection and I remind him that I am here for him, no matter what. Everyone is different, but this is what currently is working for us.
Here are a couple of things I have learned to do. Regarding medication, we tried a couple of the meds from the neurologist (Rexulti & Seoquel), but my husband had bad reactions to them. He is sensitive to some meds and they made him feel so bad, I just couldn’t do that to him.
Instead, his GP prescribed a mild anti-anxiety med (clonAZEPAM) that just makes him feel like he’s had a drink and relaxes and calms him just enough to help. That’s all I wanted, just for him to be calmer.
Also, when we go out to dinner, I usually take him to a place where the people know him well and understand what’s going on with him. They have learned how to talk to him and that helps a lot. I take him other places, but just a few that are familiar to him. I think familiarity is important to avoid the anxiety that comes with confusion.
And then there is the art of deflection. It really is an art and works most of the time, but it takes practice to get good at it. Watch Tesla Snow videos to learn more.
His anger doesn’t bother me as much as it used to, partially because I’ve learned coping mechanisms. And I think about how I would react if I were slowly losing my brain functions and I might react with anger too. I just try to keep him feeling safe. I show him lots of affection and I remind him that I am here for him, no matter what. Everyone is different, but this is what currently is working for us.
This happen with others too — sometimes the frustration or confusion from dementia (or other conditions) comes out as anger, especially in public. What helped a friend of mine was gently redirecting or trying to shift his focus before things escalated. Staying calm yourself can also sometimes ease the tension, even though it’s so hard in the moment. You’re not alone in this — many of us here know how draining and embarrassing it can feel.
I remember one time in church that a man yelled out in when he did not like something. Turned out to be Alzheimer’s and he was placed into a facility. Soon after he died. Then his wife was freed.
Yesterday at Wholefoods I saw a similar situation this Man had dementia and Tourettes and was saying Inappropriate things To people Like a bad Parrot . I could see the wife couldn't concentrate and I worried for the Poor woman's Life . I could tell she couldn't concentrate On shopping while he kept Up his Nonsense . She Looked Like she was going to have a nervous breakdown .
Try a half Of a CBD Gummy . You Can get a sample Pack from Happy Hemp Buddha in Colorado . They are relatively Mild . Also there are experts you can talk to there that will help you find the right one . I have used them Myself for sleep But they are good for anxiety .
never heard of these issues when I was growing up - big pharma creates a problem only to "resolve " the problem and make a sht ton MORE money.. they prey on the elderly and Medicare / Medicaid...sad no one has the balls to admit this
I agree I never heard of these issues either . I think it is the heavy Metals Being dumped for a mesh netting to Block Out the Ozone Holes Harmful Ultra Violet Light . A lot of Pharmaceuticals contain heavy metals Like Xanax and All the Benzodiazapams . I think My Mother suffered a heart attack after she got off an anti depressant . Viagra Didn't help men who ended Up having strokes and Vascular dementia . then there is our food . Eat organic if Possible or better yet grow your Own food . Nursing Homes are a Rip Off and I Only found 1 that was Not neglectful because they were Caribbean people taking care of their own .
Medication helped my husband a lot. If at all possible, have him seen by a doctor (psychiatrist or neurologist may be best). If he doesn't get mad at you, staying home may help, but I suspect he would get upset. Meanwhile, apologize discretely to the victims of his outbursts (a brief message prewritten on a piece of paper can help); many people will understand. I am sorry you are going through this, you are not alone.
Stop taking your husband with dementia out in the public. There may come a time when he will throw something, like hot coffee, at someone with his anger and cause injury you will be responsible for.
Medication may help, but it’s better to place your husband into memory care.
I see several responses here about handing out cards explaining dementia to people observing the incidents. These might be appropriate in situations that are just a little embarrassing/uncomfortable for people--I suppose those might include staring, mildly inappropriate comments, etc. Education is good. But when someone is becoming agitated and raising their voice in a threatening way, things are way beyond this as a solution. From the viewpoint of the stranger who is confronted, they have no way of knowing whether or not this person will become physically violent, and indeed, many dementia sufferers are still very physically strong and actually do become violent. This is very unfair to both the unsuspecting stranger and the person with dementia. They are yelling because they are upset and anxious. Certainly look into medication to help them stay calm, but if that isn't working it's time for them to remain in their familiar environment at all times.
If he is behaving in this manner, it is only a matter of time before he will turn this unreasonable anger on you, if he hasn't already.
Talk to his doctor about meds to calm him. It depends what is causing his outbursts or his delusions. He may be helped with anti-psychotics, or with sedatives, or with anti-anxiety meds. You may have to experiment before finding what works.
Everybody needs to go out on occasion. He could become agitated in drs office, could it be crowded places. I worked for group home for physically and mentally handicapped. As many of us were students working part time and mostly weekends we took clients on outings, movies and so on. Often times we had to remove one or two from crowded cinema as screaming, agitation occurred. Usually we were 2-3 staff. Maybe having someone else would help, meds as well and taking him to less crowded spaces, smaller stores etc.
I agree with suggestions of calming meds and also leaving him home, but another thing I read once for inappropriate behavior in public is you can print out small cards that read something like “please excuse my husband’s inappropriate behavior. He has dementia. Thanks for understanding”
If he cannot control himself in public then he no longer goes out in public. I stopped taking my father to lunch because he would loudly discuss his bowel movements. No one needs to hear that. His desire to overshare does not trump others desire for a peaceful meal.
He can't control his agitation and anger, so why put him in situations where it can occur? Who wants to feel that way? It's upsetting for him. It's not fair to him. This is why he needs meds -- even if you never take him out -- it will help him and you.
Don't take him out. You can hand out cards, but people may feel their time is being infringed upon and should not have to be confronted by an angry person dementia or not.
We had an elderly hospital volunteer who threw a cup of water on a person he imagined he had a disagreement with. The volunteer office ended his service for that day and sent him home. I don't think he was allowed to come back after that incident.
Either keep him home with a sitter, talk to his doctor about medications for his agitation or you can hand the folks he's hollering at pre-printed cards explaining that your husband has dementia so they can better understand his outbursts. You can probably order those cards from the Alzheimer's Associations website. But in all reality, it's probably best that you just keep your husband home and away from things that irritate him.
Two things come to mind considering you checked dementia for your question. If your husband isn’t on medication to calm his extreme behaviors, he needs to be, it’s a kindness to you both for him not to be so out of control. Secondly, it may be time he can no longer handle public outings, it may be too much for him now. I’m sorry it’s gotten to this point
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Instead, his GP prescribed a mild anti-anxiety med (clonAZEPAM) that just makes him feel like he’s had a drink and relaxes and calms him just enough to help. That’s all I wanted, just for him to be calmer.
Also, when we go out to dinner, I usually take him to a place where the people know him well and understand what’s going on with him. They have learned how to talk to him and that helps a lot. I take him other places, but just a few that are familiar to him. I think familiarity is important to avoid the anxiety that comes with confusion.
And then there is the art of deflection. It really is an art and works most of the time, but it takes practice to get good at it. Watch Tesla Snow videos to learn more.
His anger doesn’t bother me as much as it used to, partially because I’ve learned coping mechanisms. And I think about how I would react if I were slowly losing my brain functions and I might react with anger too. I just try to keep him feeling safe. I show him lots of affection and I remind him that I am here for him, no matter what. Everyone is different, but this is what currently is working for us.
Instead, his GP prescribed a mild anti-anxiety med (clonAZEPAM) that just makes him feel like he’s had a drink and relaxes and calms him just enough to help. That’s all I wanted, just for him to be calmer.
Also, when we go out to dinner, I usually take him to a place where the people know him well and understand what’s going on with him. They have learned how to talk to him and that helps a lot. I take him other places, but just a few that are familiar to him. I think familiarity is important to avoid the anxiety that comes with confusion.
And then there is the art of deflection. It really is an art and works most of the time, but it takes practice to get good at it. Watch Tesla Snow videos to learn more.
His anger doesn’t bother me as much as it used to, partially because I’ve learned coping mechanisms. And I think about how I would react if I were slowly losing my brain functions and I might react with anger too. I just try to keep him feeling safe. I show him lots of affection and I remind him that I am here for him, no matter what. Everyone is different, but this is what currently is working for us.
Medicare / Medicaid...sad no one has the balls to admit this
Medication may help, but it’s better to place your husband into memory care.
If he is behaving in this manner, it is only a matter of time before he will turn this unreasonable anger on you, if he hasn't already.
Talk to his doctor about meds to calm him. It depends what is causing his outbursts or his delusions.
He may be helped with anti-psychotics, or with sedatives, or with anti-anxiety meds. You may have to experiment before finding what works.
I worked for group home for physically and mentally handicapped. As many of us were students working part time and mostly weekends we took clients on outings, movies and so on.
Often times we had to remove one or two from crowded cinema as screaming, agitation occurred. Usually we were 2-3 staff. Maybe having someone else would help, meds as well and taking him to less crowded spaces, smaller stores etc.
We had an elderly hospital volunteer who threw a cup of water on a person he imagined he had a disagreement with. The volunteer office ended his service for that day and sent him home. I don't think he was allowed to come back after that incident.
You can probably order those cards from the Alzheimer's Associations website.
But in all reality, it's probably best that you just keep your husband home and away from things that irritate him.