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my dad is 80 and has vascular dementia- he sleeps 16-18 hours a day and for not help with anything around the house. My mom is 81 and has degenerative disc disease and has had a couple femur fractures over the last two years- she is able to do laundry, some cooking- but struggles with strength- she is down to 110lbs and is emphatic about staying in their home.

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Reply to lealonnie1
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Nextdoor is a good option. I was very fortunate to find great local people on that site and was able put together a team of people who worked together.

Of course you will need to check references since you are not dealing with an agency.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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You can go several ways here.
1. Hire caregivers that can come help your parents.
I suggest an agency so that the caregivers are background checked. (although that is not a 100% guarantee that there will be no theft so keep ALL personal items under lock and key)
2. If you do hire but want to hire privately make sure you do background checks. That will generally show Convictions but may not show charges that have been dropped for any number of reasons. And hiring privately do it properly and have a contract and file proper papers for the IRS (if you are in the USA)

3. Begin looking for Assisted Living facilities. Normally I would not suggest AL for someone with dementia but with your mom there and with the help she would have from AL staff it might work. Or the other possibility is they could both reside in Memory Care.
I know mom wants to stay at home but if it is not safe for her to do so a move BEFORE an accident that will remove all options from her is a safer way to go.


You also might want to look into getting a Hospice referral for dad. A Nurse coming in 1 time a week to check on him (and I bet they would be checking mom on an "unofficial" basis) and a CNA that would come in and give dad a bath or shower and maybe help with changing the bedding.
The Nurse would order all medical supplies and medications and they would be delivered to the house. The CNA would order all personal supplies and those also would be delivered.
Part of Hospice as well a Volunteer can be requested and a Volunteer could come 1 time a week and either sit with dad while mom gets some time for herself, she can go out. Or the Volunteer request could be for some light housecleaning, grocery shopping or any number of tasks. (I am a Volunteer and I have walked dogs, weeded yards, along with sitting with a patient)
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Many seniors are emphatic about staying in their homes. Honor this wish only if it’s in both mom’s and your best interests as her caregiver, or overseer of caregiving. Never make the misguided promise that she will never move into professional care. There are too many possibilities to make such a statement. For now, use Care.com or your local Next Door app to find a helper. Know you’ll need to watch over the situation. Both parents will continue to decline and you’ll need to adjust the help with the increase in needs. I hope you have POA for healthcare and financial decisions for them both. I wish you the best in finding a good plan
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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