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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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First you don't ask her if she wants to take a shower, you take her by the hand and tell her that it's time to take one. And make sure that you have everything ready like grab bars, shower chair, slip proof mat, hand held shower head, and warm bathroom. And then if you have to, you help her in and wash her off yourself which yes means that you may get a little wet yourself but at least you'll know that your mom will be clean. And if you can't/won't do that then you'll have to hire a CNA to come get her in the shower twice a week. And you can use the extra large body wipes and waterless shampoo and conditioner caps for the in-between days. Again notice that I said YOU can use these items on your mom as you can no longer depend on your mom with her broken brain to take care of any of her self care anymore. It's going to have to be you or someone else.
All excellent advice. Take note that most houses don't have showers that are set up for elders and their safety. My sister and I would start laughing about how hot it was in the bathroom after we ran the heat in there for mom. We always said we would start wearing bathing suits soon, as we got so wet in there just trying to get her in and out of the shower.
Mom was not happy about any of this, being extremely modest and having been extremely independent her entire life up until the last 5 years of it. Eventually we needed my husband's help moving her around and at that point we switched to sponge baths. That was a lot easier once we got an aide coming now and then after hospital stays and rehabs, and finally with hospice. It makes it easier to have an "official" person who is doing the bathing. We would always mention that if she was not cleaned up regularly they would send us to jail for not taking care of her, and she would end up in a facility, and still have to take showers there from strangers.
We looked into a lot of options, including a shower stall that you bring into the house that doesn't need to be in the bathroom and could have the patient rolled into. That was kind of expensive and took up a lot of room, and I wasn't so sure mom would be any more accepting of that anyway. We didn't have money for a bathroom remodel so that was out of the question, although we sure heard a lot about "all the help" available to fix the house up for her. Spoiler alert: if it was there, we either never found it or it was prohibitive in nature by needing the money paid up front and reimbursed or the programs were all full and we had to wait until next year. Or the next.
At one point we even bought a blow up tub that connected to the sink, which could be inflated around her while in bed. It came with a shop vac to suck up the water. It was still pretty much a situation where she was getting the equivalent of a sponge bath, just with a rinse off and a lot more prep work and after work.
The best advice is what you've already heard, you have to do it for them at some point, and you have to have everything ready in the room beforehand, and you can't expect a lot from the elder in question. At some point you'll be in sponge bath territory all the time unless you are very wealthy and can afford to upgrade the home to a place where she can roll into the shower in her shower wheelchair. And you will still need to initiate the bathing and do most of the work.
This certainly is something we hear over and over and over again on the forum, and if you choose to stay and keep reading you will see it come up. If you type into our search bar "How to get elder to shower" you will find a whole lot of advice.
BUT do know that you may need now to start thinking about next steps. An elder isn't the size of a toddler. You cannot just lift him/her into the shower and get them bathed. There comes a time when basic hygiene and safety needs cannot be met in home care; there is a need for several shifts with several caregivers on each. When that happens it is time to recognize that a care placement may need to happen. This may be the warning to consider options moving forward.
IMO: Institutional care should be the last resort. Based on what I've seen and heard, residents are often left sitting in their own waste (among many other despicable things). So much for counting on cleanliness. Even at a "high end" CCRC facility where my mother was trapped, she was left "unchanged" for 8 hours at a time until I brought it to the DON's attention (why wasn't SHE paying attention, or the nurses, or the aides?)
PLEASE stop promoting warehouses for the elderly. You do them a disservice. But then most in the NH industry is basically amoral.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
And then if you have to, you help her in and wash her off yourself which yes means that you may get a little wet yourself but at least you'll know that your mom will be clean.
And if you can't/won't do that then you'll have to hire a CNA to come get her in the shower twice a week. And you can use the extra large body wipes and waterless shampoo and conditioner caps for the in-between days. Again notice that I said YOU can use these items on your mom as you can no longer depend on your mom with her broken brain to take care of any of her self care anymore. It's going to have to be you or someone else.
Mom was not happy about any of this, being extremely modest and having been extremely independent her entire life up until the last 5 years of it. Eventually we needed my husband's help moving her around and at that point we switched to sponge baths. That was a lot easier once we got an aide coming now and then after hospital stays and rehabs, and finally with hospice. It makes it easier to have an "official" person who is doing the bathing. We would always mention that if she was not cleaned up regularly they would send us to jail for not taking care of her, and she would end up in a facility, and still have to take showers there from strangers.
We looked into a lot of options, including a shower stall that you bring into the house that doesn't need to be in the bathroom and could have the patient rolled into. That was kind of expensive and took up a lot of room, and I wasn't so sure mom would be any more accepting of that anyway. We didn't have money for a bathroom remodel so that was out of the question, although we sure heard a lot about "all the help" available to fix the house up for her. Spoiler alert: if it was there, we either never found it or it was prohibitive in nature by needing the money paid up front and reimbursed or the programs were all full and we had to wait until next year. Or the next.
At one point we even bought a blow up tub that connected to the sink, which could be inflated around her while in bed. It came with a shop vac to suck up the water. It was still pretty much a situation where she was getting the equivalent of a sponge bath, just with a rinse off and a lot more prep work and after work.
The best advice is what you've already heard, you have to do it for them at some point, and you have to have everything ready in the room beforehand, and you can't expect a lot from the elder in question. At some point you'll be in sponge bath territory all the time unless you are very wealthy and can afford to upgrade the home to a place where she can roll into the shower in her shower wheelchair. And you will still need to initiate the bathing and do most of the work.
BUT do know that you may need now to start thinking about next steps. An elder isn't the size of a toddler. You cannot just lift him/her into the shower and get them bathed. There comes a time when basic hygiene and safety needs cannot be met in home care; there is a need for several shifts with several caregivers on each. When that happens it is time to recognize that a care placement may need to happen. This may be the warning to consider options moving forward.
PLEASE stop promoting warehouses for the elderly. You do them a disservice. But then most in the NH industry is basically amoral.