How do I manage Mom's bills before signing long-term agreement? Can she spend her money in her bank account before signing for long-term?
Here I am, once more! I have questions and a story. Well, here's the story... I told you last time I had posted that my sister moved in with Mom posing as her caregiver but for only for a place to live, on the note... she hasn't helped mom with rent, utilities, or food. She has continued her reckless lifestyle. While leaving Mom at home by herself and going out of town to meet with men. She continued to boss Mom around and keep her upset and crying. Mom has never went and told the Manager to tell her she needed to leave. I begged mom, to tell the Manager time after time when she would call me. Mom's health has been getting worse for some time now. On the 5th of March my sister had took a trip out of town to see a man a few days and Mom had went outside on her motorized chair and didn't have the seat belt on and was coming up a hill and fell out of the chair onto concrete. It broke the bones in both of her knees and she had to have surgery with pins put in her knees and legs. Now she is in rehab, but I believe I have persuaded her to change over to long-term care. She would be left alone at home if she go's home and it would not be safe for her. She will not be able to get to the bathroom, in out of bed or cook for herself. I want her safe and taken care of. I have talked to the social worker about changing to long-term care. My sister doesn't know at this point unless she hears it fron the nursing facility. I can't even go see Mother without sister being there and wanting for us to show up so she can start chaos. My bother, doesn't back down he go's and sees her anyway. But she knows she can bully us. She sits with mom and is on her case telling her what she needs to do and there shouldn't be anything keeping to her from walking. The nurses have told me that they hear them arguing all the way to the front desk. Mom has been taking therapy but does not have the strength she once had, even before she had the accident. But sister thinks mother should just get up and walk like you or I, but she can't. Mom thinks she needs to pay for rent so her manager will give her time to get her things out of the apartment. Questions: Do I go ahead and call the Manager of the apartment so she can talk to sister? Sister will have a fit and probably sell Mom's things to get money for herself, but mom doesn't want her to do that. Mom wants to divid her household furniture. My family and I do not want anything. But mom bought a new upright freezer last summer and she wanted me to have it. I would take it only because she wanted me to have it. But, sister will probably have a hysterical fit and sell it so she will get the money. Question: Do I buy Mom personal things that she will need with her money before we sign the long-term agreement? Mom has me in charge of her debit and foodstamps not her Bank Account. What should I do in this situation? Thank you, please reply soon her dead line for rehab is the 3rd of April. I have never seen a case like this one.
And Mom is 88 will be 89 in July she has been on medicaid for many years now. She wants me to pay all her bills and rent before signing for long-term care. I am not sure what to do. She doesn't have any savings or extra money to pay if medicaid penalized her.
If your Mom won't do this, then you don't have any real power since your Mom is ALLOWING the chaos while passively complaining about it. It's one or the other. When she complains about your sister, change the subject or walk out of the room. Tell her she can't complain about something that she herself is helping to keep in place. You are all being jerked around by YOUR MOTHER, not your sister. Your sister is a monster because your Mom has allowed it so now she doesn't get to complain about it.
You need boundaries. Your sister cannot bully you unless you allow it voluntarily. If you stand up to your sister you'll find out what a coward she probably is. But back to your Mom: without her assigning a legal representative or verbalizing that she's done with your sister, then you have no power in this situation and will become dragged around by her dysfunctional relationship with all of you.
You are all fighting over material things and money so don't expect it to go well. Your Mom is the ringmaster, if you put up with it. I wouldn't.
If Mom is going into LTC and no longer needs her home, then get a truck and rent a storage unit. Go into her place and take everything that is hers and store it till you can make decisions. Tell the Manager she can no longer be on her own. That if sister will not pay the rent, she will need to be evicted.
Maybe social workers at the rehab would know of legal resources you can consult pro bono?
The very first thing you need to do is have mom meet with an advisor or attorney who can talk to her about POAs and get them assigned and signed. This meeting should happen with ZERO of her children present.
The person with the POAs will make the decisions and we all hope that she doesn't choose your sister but if she does she's made her choice. If she chooses you then you are legally bound to do what is in your mom's best interest and legally bound to keep your moms personal, medical and financial info private from everyone including your siblings. Someone needs to become the ringmaster of this circus ASAP.