We still live in our home together with our little dog. We can be having a very normal day and then he turns to me and starts asking questions about where did I grow up, where did I live before I moved here....brothers, sisters names etc. He is certain that I am an impersonator. Sometimes he tells me to get out of his house and calls the police. Sometimes he says he 'going home' because this isn't his house. When I become the real wife again, he asks questions about these other women who say they are me and talks about another house that is a lot like our house but it is in the northern part of the state, or other variations in the same general vein. Do I know these women, are they my relatives, etc.? I know we are supposed to enter into their reality, but how can I agree with him? If I do, and he tells me to leave, I can't leave him alone and where else would I go?
I suggest you start looking a memory care places. Look now so that you can make a good choice if it becomes necessary. I'm sorry, I know that is a heartbreaking thing to face but depending on how he responds to medication it may be necessary for his and possibly your safety. Let us know how it goes.
Depending on the type of dementia he has that is causing this, you may need to place him elsewhere sooner rather than later. Sometimes the person can become combative, physically and will hurt you. You might think your husband is a nice person who would never do that but it does happen. Please start thinking about what you will do if it does.
The first thing would be call 911 if he gets aggressive, and explain that he is having some episode and he is acting in a dangerous manner, you are afraid for your life and he has to go to get checked out. Tell them it could be a stroke or something else, you don't know. But when they get to the hospital you tell them unsafe discharge. I'm sorry this is happening.
My FIL had this but his was only a duplicate house furnished exactly the same, no duplicate people. He knew there was something odd about it but was totally convinced of the other house. We just nodded as if we knew about it and didn’t push it or act surprised. Just brought up another topic and off we went. We certainly never saw a reason to medicate him but then he wasn’t agitated about the other house. Each person is different.
The point is to seek a solution that keeps him calm and move on. No need to try to convince him of anything. Ditto on the “going home”.
When he wants you to leave just tell him your flight is tomorrow or his wife will be back soon or let’s have some ice cream or something else to move past the moment.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/spouse-has-delusions-and-thinks-i-am-his-mother-on-and-off-could-use-suggestions-as-my-situations-se-498303.htm
I guess the question is whether he gets angry and agitated about it. Is this causing stress and potential harm? This is the most concerning to me “Sometimes he tells me to get out of his house and calls the police.”
About his reaction to Seroquel — I agree that it can take time to adjust and you should discuss with his doctor. There are no specific treatments for this type of delusion so calming him is the only option medically. Unfortunately.
My dad didn’t have delusions about people but he had obsessions and some were really dangerous and destructive. Addressing them head on never worked in the least. Like at the one stage he was digging holes all over the yard in the middle of the night. There was no convincing him not to do it or that it made no sense. Agreeing with him that it was a good idea (entering that reality) didn’t make any sense either. Distracting him was near impossible (first, someone would have had to stay up all night with him, and second, the only thing that would have distracted him was some other unhealthy obsession.) So, the only way to help was calming him with meds so the urge was dulled. (Placing him in a facility or hiring an overnight caregiver — both rejected by my mother.)
I also agree about Teepa Snow. When he says “you are not my wife, you are an imposter” don’t reply “you’re right” instead maybe try something like “she will be home soon.”
Good luck!