She has dementia, things took a turn so fast, i had to put her in memory care. She thinks her husband, mom, dad, and sister are alive and living in Washington DC taking care of her 10 kids. I am an only child and I was adopted. Every time I see her she says she wants to go home. She refuses to see a doctor because she wants to only see her doctor at Walter Reed in Washington. She was preparing to move closer to me before all of this happened. Her house is now sitting empty with all of her stuff in boxes. I can't sell it without her permission, however she thinks she gave it to her stepdaughter and she is living in it with her 2 boys. She keeps her stuff in a corner of her room packed up so she can go when her husband comes to get her. It is heartbreaking to see her like this she was always so strong and independent. It has been 6 months. What are my options?
P.S. Shouldn't the MC facility have copies of legal documents, EOL forms, etc.?
If your mother tore up your POA copy call the law practice who made it up and explain to them what happened. That she's out-of-it with dementia and in a memory care facility. Then ask them to have a copy of it made. The law practice it came from will do this for you and they will be legal, official copies. They will not do it for free, but the lawyer will do it. Good luck.
Were the documents ever submitted to her doctor or bank? Maybe you can get copies from them, even if it's to find the name of the original attorney.
Does your Mom have a diagnosis of dementia/memory impairment?
"Things took a turn fast..." can mean that your Mom has a UTI. I would get her in to the ER for testing. Her wanting to "go home" all the time is called Sundowning and is a very common behavior/phase of dementia. They are referring to a childhood home or place where she felt safe.
Because PoA is state-specific I would contact the elder law attorney for guidance, and if you can't figure out who the original was, any elder law attorney will do.
The lawfirm would have an official and legal copy. All states have to allow for mitigating circumstances like the signed copy was destroyed in a raging dementia tantrum. Or a house fire. Or some act of God. The OP needs to get to the lawyer who did the POA documents and tell them what happened.
If the house is still in her name, and the lawyer who created the POA can verify that it's still valid, you can sell her house without her permission. The money would need to go into an account for her, and be spent ONLY on her needs. Verify the details with the lawyer as to what the POA document actually allows you to do, and what documentation you need to ensure that it's activated.
When you see the lawyer, you may be advised that the POA has been legally activated due to her condition and admission to memory care. Maybe you are it? Maybe you feel unqualified?
It is doubtful that a Memory Care would admit your mother without some doctor
(the facility doctor?) giving medical orders and prescribing medications. (BTW, medications that could help her from having delusions and hallucinations). There comes a time when a patient cannot make medical decisions on their own behalf.
This is that time. There are POA's for medical, and POA's for financial.
Whether it is temporary, or whether she will never be able to return home depends upon her medical care. You need to see the doctor treating her, whomever that may be. Meet with her "Care Team" at the facility.
The facility can take actions to get paid if you did not step up.
Maybe you are unaware of the true nature and responsibilities of the POA,
including possibly selling her house (without her permission).
Prioritize:
1) Her medical care
2) Her finances, and who is paying the facility.
3) Her home, selling her home.
Sorry that this is happening to your Mom, and you must also be in shock how this happened so fast.
Also, find out if the facility is also operating under someone else's orders, like family that may also have POA documents. Does the facility talk to you, and inform you, understand that you are POA after 6 months?
Do you talk to her step-daughter?
Take one step at a time, get help now.
As lealonnie says, just because she ripped it up does not nullify your POA status.
But, it will be hard to convince anyone else without a document.
Hopefully your moms POA's were done at a lawyers office as they will have copies of it, and if not you may have to apply for guardianship which unfortunately does cost thousands of dollars.
Or perhaps you can look into allowing the state to take over her care.
Also you may need to limit your visits with her if they upset her and you.
I wish you well in this very difficult situation.