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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Please ask her to ask her doctor to give her a list of resources available to her. If she asks you directly to help tell her that you have Lupus and really have all you can do to take care of yourself; that you wish you could help but that you cannot. Ask her what she has tried in order to get herself more help, and suggest she speak with her medical providers.
It's hard when someone throws out "hints" when they need or want something. It would be easier to say to her what "AlvaDeer" mentioned if your friend would just ask you outright. It's the hinting around that makes the situation uncomfortable and harder to answer a "hint" rather than a "question."
With the little information you provided, I'm wondering if what she's asking for is "legit" or is she trying to get attention? If it is legit and depending on what it is, if you know of a website pertaining to her situation you could offer her that as an option. Then the next time you talk, either when she says something again about it or you ask her if the website helped, you'd have an idea if she is serious about helping herself or if she is looking for someone else to do the work. Like I said, it's hard to answer not knowing what she's hinting at.
Our Office of Aging puts out a nice booklet of services they provide. One is a Senior/disability bus. This bus can take you to local appts and shopping. There is a small fee.
If she can't shop, the one good thing about the Virus is stores are more susceptible to doing your shopping for you and delivering. And there are loads of on line sites that send food to you. Most Churches have food closets to help stretch that dollar. In my area, they have a drive in food distribution center. Fresh fruit and veggies are given. Thru the United way, there is government food.
If she needs help with her care, there is in home Medicaid if she qualifies. They also offer transportation. Medicaid pays for adult diapers. She maybe able to get an aide from Office of Aging.
Of course, with COVID it may make things a little harder. But you could get the info together. Then tell her that with your Lupus you cannot do as much as you would like for her but you found some resources she maybe able to use. Then its all up to her.
I have a friend who could have taken advantage of a number of resources in our area. Would have made her life so much easier with the health problems she has. But, she was too proud to take advantage of them or there was always a reason why it wouldn't work. Well now she is in a NH, in one room because of COVID at the age of 71. One reason, her only family are her sons, one estraged the other 2 hrs away, and neither want to care for her. She could not be released because no one to care for her in her apt. So, she lost everything and will be in a NH till she dies.
Radio host Dr Joy Brown used to tell people to be "cheerful and stupid" and I think this would be a good time to use that advice, just be warmly sympathetic and wilfully blind to her hints. In my experience people like this like to pretend they've never asked for anything so they have no need to feel beholden for "gifts" freely given, step away and let some other sucker fall for that.
I suppose people HINT for various reasons; shyness, embarrassment, shame, pride, fear of rejection. It's not evil, just annoying.
It also puts the task onto you more than it needs to. By first figuring out what the request actually is. Once the words are out of your mouth, it becomes like YOUR suggestion too - harder to say no
Clear communication would be better.
Eg 1. What are you doing Wednesday? Would you be finished that by 2? It's hard for me to get to my Podiatrist, it's right near your house.
Eg 2. I have a Podiatrist apt on Wednesday. Any chance you could drive me? If not, no worries, I'll ask someone else or take a taxi.
You can't make you friend change her ways overnight. But maybe try to re-phrase her hint back to her as a simple question? 'Are you asking me to drive you to your appointment?' Wait for her to acknowledge if correct or not. Then you can state whatever your answer is with honesty. 'Yes I can this week, but not ongoing'. Or 'No, I can't'. Your friend may really benefit from a good chat with an eldercare service about what is available.
PS don't get sucked in with 'but I prefer you to strangers'.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It's hard when someone throws out "hints" when they need or want something. It would be easier to say to her what "AlvaDeer" mentioned if your friend would just ask you outright. It's the hinting around that makes the situation uncomfortable and harder to answer a "hint" rather than a "question."
With the little information you provided, I'm wondering if what she's asking for is
"legit" or is she trying to get attention? If it is legit and depending on what it is, if you know of a website pertaining to her situation you could offer her that as an option. Then the next time you talk, either when she says something again about it or you ask her if the website helped, you'd have an idea if she is serious about helping herself or if she is looking for someone else to do the work. Like I said, it's hard to answer not knowing what she's hinting at.
If she can't shop, the one good thing about the Virus is stores are more susceptible to doing your shopping for you and delivering. And there are loads of on line sites that send food to you. Most Churches have food closets to help stretch that dollar. In my area, they have a drive in food distribution center. Fresh fruit and veggies are given. Thru the United way, there is government food.
If she needs help with her care, there is in home Medicaid if she qualifies. They also offer transportation. Medicaid pays for adult diapers. She maybe able to get an aide from Office of Aging.
Of course, with COVID it may make things a little harder. But you could get the info together. Then tell her that with your Lupus you cannot do as much as you would like for her but you found some resources she maybe able to use. Then its all up to her.
I have a friend who could have taken advantage of a number of resources in our area. Would have made her life so much easier with the health problems she has. But, she was too proud to take advantage of them or there was always a reason why it wouldn't work. Well now she is in a NH, in one room because of COVID at the age of 71. One reason, her only family are her sons, one estraged the other 2 hrs away, and neither want to care for her. She could not be released because no one to care for her in her apt. So, she lost everything and will be in a NH till she dies.
Oh I like this very much! Thanks so much
😊
If they want it, they will learn to ASK not HINT.
It also puts the task onto you more than it needs to. By first figuring out what the request actually is. Once the words are out of your mouth, it becomes like YOUR suggestion too - harder to say no
Clear communication would be better.
Eg 1. What are you doing Wednesday? Would you be finished that by 2? It's hard for me to get to my Podiatrist, it's right near your house.
Eg 2. I have a Podiatrist apt on Wednesday. Any chance you could drive me? If not, no worries, I'll ask someone else or take a taxi.
You can't make you friend change her ways overnight. But maybe try to re-phrase her hint back to her as a simple question? 'Are you asking me to drive you to your appointment?' Wait for her to acknowledge if correct or not. Then you can state whatever your answer is with honesty. 'Yes I can this week, but not ongoing'. Or 'No, I can't'. Your friend may really benefit from a good chat with an eldercare service about what is available.
PS don't get sucked in with 'but I prefer you to strangers'.