My 90+ parents moved into assisted living recently -- not planned, necessitated by my mom's stroke. Dad picked out all the things they wanted from the house and either took them to their apartment or stored them. Now I'm stuck having to go through the lifetime of their stuff (and much of my grandmother's and beyond). I'm not their only child -- one brother predeceased me, the other lives 3 hours away and...isn't very helpful, more because he's just kind-of useless when it comes to this.
My mother made it clear all her life the importance of keeping All The Things -- family history things, her personal childhood things, her writings, everything her grandkids ever gave her (and a few from us). I have an issue with emotional entanglement with my mom (yes, I'm in therapy) -- love her to pieces, but this is really making things hard, as I am pretty much the only one to go through all their stuff now. Dad's done, Mom's not able to, brother has what he wanted and that's good enough for him.
I am not physically healthy. I have a number of chronic illnesses, and having to be in charge of this (well, do a lot of it myself, though my adult son helps when he can) is making me sicker. My husband (who has taken on the role of Person to Sell The House -- i.e., setting up all that) has hired a company to do an auction and cleanout, but we still need to get out those things that we want to keep.
But I don't know how to decide what's important anymore. Her beanie from her college dorm with her name on it? Her Girl Scout handbook with her childish signature in it? All their piles of underlined and notated Bibles? Her wedding dress? Her baby doll from childhood?
I'm also having to curate the stuff for the other family members -- saving photos and such for my nieces and nephews (who live out of town). What to keep? What to throw away? I've taken photos of Mom's knickknacks and sent to the nieces, and they're having me pull things for them.
We had a "treasure hunt" day on Saturday, where I invited my brother, and my deceased bro's ex-wife (we're all still friends). Nephews came. We got the attic unloaded into the carport. Bro took what he wanted and drove back home (3 hours away), couldn't help otherwise because he "didn't know what to do" (even with my instructions). XSIL helped for awhile but then left. It was just me and my son for 5 hours (hubby had just had foot surgery) going through a 3,000 sq ft house full of memorabilia, treasures and mostly junk. I've never felt so abandoned.
And it is nowhere near done.
But that's my pity party. The truth is, I can't go through everything, the auction may turn up some things we missed, but ... I'm overwhelmed and just need to figure out how to stop being the curator of my mom's life. She expected that of me. But I can't, now. I just don't know how to let go of that and let go of her things. I somehow ended up the family historian, but we don't own a museum.
Here's a hard truth: the younger generations are either minimalists, or don't own houses to warehouse stuff, or simply don't care. There is a decline in the number of young people and an increase in elders since the Boomers are now retiring and there's a glut of stuff available to buy second-hand. You will find that even thrift stores are now extremely picky about what items they take. I ended up throwing out a box of antique dolls (in FL) that I could not give away on either Nextdoor, FB Marketplace or craigslist. It broke my heart but this is just the reality.
If I were you, I'd pick out things to keep that only YOU really really wish to keep. Hopefully it's something you can display in your home so you can see it every day and it will bring you joy. If something doesn't do this for you, get rid of it. Then have a giant estate sale. Absolutely do not store anything you feel ambivilent about and do not pay for storage. Your Mom wants to make you a hoarder by proxy and this just isn't something you need to agree to. Keeping "heirlooms" is a generational value that young people today do not understand or share. You don't have to tell your Mom what you're doing with the stuff. Just do whatever works for you. Taking pics of it may help you adjust.
I also still have all my original Brownie and Girl Scout books, uniforms and badges. I have a pair of white lace ladies gloves that my Aunt made. Christening gowns, ad nauseum. I have a 5-yr old Granddaughter who *may* be interested in seeing it or playing with it "some day", but once that happens and if she doesn't want it, I'm throwing it out. My jerk of a FIL had lots of very old Boy Scout stuff (vintage) but guess what? Nobody wanted it even for free. Oh well, out it goes. Then move on with life. Wishing you a very successful estate sale.
Thanks for the good wishes. They've already told us not to expect much. My mom's Seraphim angel collection may have been valuable once, but nobody wants that stuff now. Not even the nieces who always said they wanted it.
My Mom had us clean out her attic long before she went to AL. She then used an extra bedroom for storage. While she still lived at the house, I sat her down in the room and made 3 piles. Keep, give away and throw away. She sat while I asked her, keep, give away or trash. Went a lot faster this way.
Two years ago I chose to travel to care for my 92 year old aunt who was in the hospital with cancer. She never married, my brother was her POA. Lots of nieces and nephews, but they all live out of state.
She passed about two weeks from the time she went into the hospital. She had a will that was changed just before her death. Initially she left specific items to my cousins, but then changed her mind. But she had a house full of furniture that once belonged to my grandmother, and cases and cases and cases of dolls that she had collected her entire life. In paperwork that was left regarding the dolls, she wrote "These dolls are very important to me, please take care of them" or something to that effect.
I videotaped the contents of the entire house and sent it to my cousins and nieces, asking if they wanted anything. Some chose a few things here and there. Then I shipped everything to them. The POA traveled to help me pack up a mini van with items to bring to my mom (her sister). Then everything was sold in an estate sale.
(I also singlehandedly packed up my own childhood home just months before this, when my parents were moved when they needed care. I fretted over what my mom would miss--turns out her dementia prevented her from remembering what she had. She recognized her bedroom set and furniture from the den and her kitchen table, and a few other items. But she forgot about the rest.)
I've learned that documenting everything in a photo makes much more sense than having the actual item. At least to me. You can still reminisce. You can see the item, no matter what it is. It is preserved, in a way.
The hardest part was reading my aunt's words of just how significant those dolls were to her and her world. I had to realize that yes, they were very important to her. But, they weren't to family members. I'm so glad she never found that out. And I'm glad she was able to enjoy them during her lifetime.
I'm sure we'll get through it. We'll miss things that will get sold or dumped. It's just going to have to be what it be. And yes, the things our loved ones enjoyed, their collections -- those were for them, not us. Not ultimately.