I am my 88 year old mothers caregiver, I had to move in with her after she fell and broke her hip. she is afraid to be alone. I retired early to do this, I do everything for mom, cook, clean, laundry, doctor appts, pay bills, just everything. I moved out of my own home, my husband visits me every day. (I retired at age 62) my social security is not as much as it would be if I retired at full retirement age. I don't get paid to take care of mom, I have 7 siblings but everyone says they can't help.(5 of them live a few states away, two widowed sisters live 1 1/2 hours away) If my mother gives me a little money (300.00 every 3 or 4 months) one of my sisters tells everyone I am taking her money so now I am doing this and not getting paid. The being away from my own home is taking a toll on me and my marriage. When I leave to go to my own house my mother sulks and makes me feel guilty for being gone for a couple of hours. I feel unappreciated and taken advantage of. if I were to hire someone for 2 or three days a week how much would I pay them? I do have home health come in a couple of days a week for one hour for her showers and light house work. Any suggestions?
But that wasn't your question, I realize. I think it depends what you want the person to do. Each area's prices vary, too. Do you have a local nursing school or something like that close by where you could ask around if someone might be appropriate and willing and negotiate with them? How much does she have to pay home health care? Are you thinking the person coming for a couple hours is more just company than an actual health worker?
Around here, there are "sitters" and I'm not sure how much they get paid, but they tend to be nursing students, it seems. We also have a charity service that will sit for 1-4 hours per week for free but asks for donations. I don't know how much the donations would be but I somewhere got the impression that $10/hour would be fine. I don't know if it would be too much but got the impression that it wouldn't be too little.
Also, would move back in with your husband, quite honestly, but that's my own opinion. Your years together might not be as long as you think and living in someone else's home doesn't sound particularly pleasant. You might tell your siblings that you can't give up your own life like this any longer and that they'll have to figure out something else. Commit to some set number of hours to go to her house and help her and they have to figure the rest out. Commit to specific tasks (like helping her pay her bills) and let them figure out the rest.
That's not exactly the question you asked but you did ask for suggestions. You did say this is taking a toll on you and your marriage and maybe it's just that I so deeply value sleeping in my own bed that I give this type of advice, but being someone else's guest in what should be my golden years sounds too unpleasant to me, but that's just my opinion on the matter.
What I do about the whining and guilt, is sit my dad down and have an adult to adult talk about my limits. I simply explain that this constant guilt makes the job too tough for me, and I will have to quit. . When he says I am blackmailing him, I calmly reply that it is a fact. Know your limits, communicate them, and stick to them.
Your Mother can pay you for your time, but you would need to prepare an employment agreement saying how many hours you will work each week, what will be the hourly pay, if you have any days offs, and if you will pay your own payroll taxes.
The way I look at it, if your Mother can pay you to be a live-in caregiver, then you Mother could pay a certified Caregiver to live-in. That way you can go back home, and reestablish your employment to keep adding to your Medicare and Social Security.
My ears start to lay back whenever I hear that the grown child who lives the closest has to stop their own lives while the other siblings get to continue on with theirs.