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My Mom suffers with dementia. I live with her I'm her daughter. My oldest brother keeps coming in and out of her life and has so for some years now. She's confused, lashing out at me. Help any advice at all

Let me start by saying how sorry I am for your situation. One step at a time though.

First, there is an actual diagnosis of dementia for your mother. I'm sure you are the person who takes your mom to her doctor's appointments and they spoke with you. This will work in your favor in court. Ask for the doctor who diagnosed her dementia to give you her medical records. Then you call APS (Adult Protective Services) and tell them who you are, that your mother has a history of dementia (an actual diagnosis), and that your brother and his wife are squatting in her home and commiting financial elder abuse. Your younger brother sounds like a reasonable guy, ask him to back you up on this. Ask APS what steps you need to take to get POA (Power of Attorney) for your mother (medical and financial), or Conservatorship/Guardianship of her.

In my state, you would petition the probate court for these things and get a hearing. A lawyer would be assigned to your mother (that she pays for). This is mainly a formality to make sure she's being treated fairly. It's too late to take her down to a lawyer and have a POA done without involving the court. You have a good chance of at least getting POA over her so they will not have access to her money anymore to drug and gamble away. Include your younger brother in this because that will help you in court.

You and your younger brother together should have a consultation with a lawyer. Usually the first meeting is free.

Try not to take it personally that your mother hates you. It's dementia and your brother and SIL no doubt have been in her ear telling lies about you. Also, it's so common for moms with dementia to turn on their daughter/caregiver. You love your mother and are going to have to act in her best interests. That means going to court, getting control of her finances and getting legal authority to make her decisions. Then you legally evict your brother and his wife out of the house.

Good luck to you and I hope it works out for you. Keep us posted.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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From what you've written in your profile all I can say is what a hot mess.
Unless you have both POA's(medical and financial)for your mom you truly have no say in this matter.
We all have to live with the choices we make in this life and your sorry ass brother will have to live and perhaps(hopefully) suffer the consequences of using and abusing his own mom.
But until that happens it may be best that you choose once and for all to cut the apron strings with your mom and move out on your own that in all honesty you should have done many years ago. It's never too late to start over, and once you're out you'll have the peace that everyone deserves and be able to rid yourself of your toxic brother.
Your mom has made her choice to allow your brother to move in, and sadly she will have to live with that choice, dementia or not, so once you've moved out I would just call APS and report this situation to them and the financial abuse that is taking place and then let them handle things from there.
I wish you well in taking your life back away from this toxic situation.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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I'm very sorry this is happening to you.

Has your mother ever given you her financial power of attorney? Who handles her bills and finances? Are you on her financial accounts?
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Reply to MG8522
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Info from OP's profile:

"I am caring for my mother who is 80 years old, living at home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, depression, hearing loss, heart disease, urinary tract infection, and vision problems.

I'm 56 yrs old, I'm living with my mom as I have the last 18 yrs. I'm not married and have a adult daughter who lives in Florida. Bad life choices or just feeling comfortable at home with mom and dad? either way when I did I come back I did so alone, no boyfriends no husband or any body else. My dad just recently passed two yrs ago and its just been me and mother. And we have moved on to enjoy the rest of what time we have together, I have 2 brothers , I'm in the middle. Now at this point other family and myself are glad that I'm here with her. I've done my best to keep thing's repaired and keep the place up inside and out. She recently fell out of her bed at the hospital and was hurt, and needed 24/7 care. so I kind of was put into care giving by default. I don't mind, and she has made a remarkable recovery but now, well but things have taken a sinister turn thanks to my eldest sibling. now my life is pure hell everyday and theres nothing I can do. We ( me and my younger brother) knew she was giving money to him and his wife. who is on drugs and have a gambling addiction. but I was told that if she wanted to give him everything shes got she has the right to do so. Now aftyer her accident he is totally absent, no visits just nothing. Now I just started back to work and my 2nd day i come home to find their sorry selves and their belongings for they have moved in our house. now she's mad at me !!! I'm at a loss for this, its just crazy chaos and she despises me. her DR.said that her concussion caused dementia to increase. hes taking advantage of her thats bad enough but the deceit he's caused is unforgivable. I love my mom. but it appears I've been cast out over lies and a manipulating piece of crap. i feel like I'm diying. sorry about the spelling and grammer "
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Reply to Geaton777
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