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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My Mom suffers with dementia. I live with her I'm her daughter. My oldest brother keeps coming in and out of her life and has so for some years now. She's confused, lashing out at me. Help any advice at all
"I am caring for my mother who is 80 years old, living at home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, depression, hearing loss, heart disease, urinary tract infection, and vision problems.
I'm 56 yrs old, I'm living with my mom as I have the last 18 yrs. I'm not married and have a adult daughter who lives in Florida. Bad life choices or just feeling comfortable at home with mom and dad? either way when I did I come back I did so alone, no boyfriends no husband or any body else. My dad just recently passed two yrs ago and its just been me and mother. And we have moved on to enjoy the rest of what time we have together, I have 2 brothers , I'm in the middle. Now at this point other family and myself are glad that I'm here with her. I've done my best to keep thing's repaired and keep the place up inside and out. She recently fell out of her bed at the hospital and was hurt, and needed 24/7 care. so I kind of was put into care giving by default. I don't mind, and she has made a remarkable recovery but now, well but things have taken a sinister turn thanks to my eldest sibling. now my life is pure hell everyday and theres nothing I can do. We ( me and my younger brother) knew she was giving money to him and his wife. who is on drugs and have a gambling addiction. but I was told that if she wanted to give him everything shes got she has the right to do so. Now aftyer her accident he is totally absent, no visits just nothing. Now I just started back to work and my 2nd day i come home to find their sorry selves and their belongings for they have moved in our house. now she's mad at me !!! I'm at a loss for this, its just crazy chaos and she despises me. her DR.said that her concussion caused dementia to increase. hes taking advantage of her thats bad enough but the deceit he's caused is unforgivable. I love my mom. but it appears I've been cast out over lies and a manipulating piece of crap. i feel like I'm diying. sorry about the spelling and grammer "
From what you've written in your profile all I can say is what a hot mess. Unless you have both POA's(medical and financial)for your mom you truly have no say in this matter. We all have to live with the choices we make in this life and your sorry ass brother will have to live and perhaps(hopefully) suffer the consequences of using and abusing his own mom. But until that happens it may be best that you choose once and for all to cut the apron strings with your mom and move out on your own that in all honesty you should have done many years ago. It's never too late to start over, and once you're out you'll have the peace that everyone deserves and be able to rid yourself of your toxic brother. Your mom has made her choice to allow your brother to move in, and sadly she will have to live with that choice, dementia or not, so once you've moved out I would just call APS and report this situation to them and the financial abuse that is taking place and then let them handle things from there. I wish you well in taking your life back away from this toxic situation.
Let me start by saying how sorry I am for your situation. One step at a time though.
First, there is an actual diagnosis of dementia for your mother. I'm sure you are the person who takes your mom to her doctor's appointments and they spoke with you. This will work in your favor in court. Ask for the doctor who diagnosed her dementia to give you her medical records. Then you call APS (Adult Protective Services) and tell them who you are, that your mother has a history of dementia (an actual diagnosis), and that your brother and his wife are squatting in her home and commiting financial elder abuse. Your younger brother sounds like a reasonable guy, ask him to back you up on this. Ask APS what steps you need to take to get POA (Power of Attorney) for your mother (medical and financial), or Conservatorship/Guardianship of her.
In my state, you would petition the probate court for these things and get a hearing. A lawyer would be assigned to your mother (that she pays for). This is mainly a formality to make sure she's being treated fairly. It's too late to take her down to a lawyer and have a POA done without involving the court. You have a good chance of at least getting POA over her so they will not have access to her money anymore to drug and gamble away. Include your younger brother in this because that will help you in court.
You and your younger brother together should have a consultation with a lawyer. Usually the first meeting is free.
Try not to take it personally that your mother hates you. It's dementia and your brother and SIL no doubt have been in her ear telling lies about you. Also, it's so common for moms with dementia to turn on their daughter/caregiver. You love your mother and are going to have to act in her best interests. That means going to court, getting control of her finances and getting legal authority to make her decisions. Then you legally evict your brother and his wife out of the house.
Good luck to you and I hope it works out for you. Keep us posted.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
"I am caring for my mother who is 80 years old, living at home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, depression, hearing loss, heart disease, urinary tract infection, and vision problems.
I'm 56 yrs old, I'm living with my mom as I have the last 18 yrs. I'm not married and have a adult daughter who lives in Florida. Bad life choices or just feeling comfortable at home with mom and dad? either way when I did I come back I did so alone, no boyfriends no husband or any body else. My dad just recently passed two yrs ago and its just been me and mother. And we have moved on to enjoy the rest of what time we have together, I have 2 brothers , I'm in the middle. Now at this point other family and myself are glad that I'm here with her. I've done my best to keep thing's repaired and keep the place up inside and out. She recently fell out of her bed at the hospital and was hurt, and needed 24/7 care. so I kind of was put into care giving by default. I don't mind, and she has made a remarkable recovery but now, well but things have taken a sinister turn thanks to my eldest sibling. now my life is pure hell everyday and theres nothing I can do. We ( me and my younger brother) knew she was giving money to him and his wife. who is on drugs and have a gambling addiction. but I was told that if she wanted to give him everything shes got she has the right to do so. Now aftyer her accident he is totally absent, no visits just nothing. Now I just started back to work and my 2nd day i come home to find their sorry selves and their belongings for they have moved in our house. now she's mad at me !!! I'm at a loss for this, its just crazy chaos and she despises me. her DR.said that her concussion caused dementia to increase. hes taking advantage of her thats bad enough but the deceit he's caused is unforgivable. I love my mom. but it appears I've been cast out over lies and a manipulating piece of crap. i feel like I'm diying. sorry about the spelling and grammer "
Has your mother ever given you her financial power of attorney? Who handles her bills and finances? Are you on her financial accounts?
Unless you have both POA's(medical and financial)for your mom you truly have no say in this matter.
We all have to live with the choices we make in this life and your sorry ass brother will have to live and perhaps(hopefully) suffer the consequences of using and abusing his own mom.
But until that happens it may be best that you choose once and for all to cut the apron strings with your mom and move out on your own that in all honesty you should have done many years ago. It's never too late to start over, and once you're out you'll have the peace that everyone deserves and be able to rid yourself of your toxic brother.
Your mom has made her choice to allow your brother to move in, and sadly she will have to live with that choice, dementia or not, so once you've moved out I would just call APS and report this situation to them and the financial abuse that is taking place and then let them handle things from there.
I wish you well in taking your life back away from this toxic situation.
First, there is an actual diagnosis of dementia for your mother. I'm sure you are the person who takes your mom to her doctor's appointments and they spoke with you. This will work in your favor in court. Ask for the doctor who diagnosed her dementia to give you her medical records. Then you call APS (Adult Protective Services) and tell them who you are, that your mother has a history of dementia (an actual diagnosis), and that your brother and his wife are squatting in her home and commiting financial elder abuse. Your younger brother sounds like a reasonable guy, ask him to back you up on this. Ask APS what steps you need to take to get POA (Power of Attorney) for your mother (medical and financial), or Conservatorship/Guardianship of her.
In my state, you would petition the probate court for these things and get a hearing. A lawyer would be assigned to your mother (that she pays for). This is mainly a formality to make sure she's being treated fairly. It's too late to take her down to a lawyer and have a POA done without involving the court. You have a good chance of at least getting POA over her so they will not have access to her money anymore to drug and gamble away. Include your younger brother in this because that will help you in court.
You and your younger brother together should have a consultation with a lawyer. Usually the first meeting is free.
Try not to take it personally that your mother hates you. It's dementia and your brother and SIL no doubt have been in her ear telling lies about you. Also, it's so common for moms with dementia to turn on their daughter/caregiver. You love your mother and are going to have to act in her best interests. That means going to court, getting control of her finances and getting legal authority to make her decisions. Then you legally evict your brother and his wife out of the house.
Good luck to you and I hope it works out for you. Keep us posted.