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80 year old mother drinks to much and had Alcohol Dementia. She refuses to quit and honestly will go through withdrawal if to stop cold turkey. I can't get her to understand she needs to reduce if not stop drinking.
When a person is a longtime alcoholic and now has dementia the chances of changing the behavior and addiction are not great. Cold turkey stopping could actually be a danger to her. Her habits are long established. I hope you’ll not be her caregiver and choose to protect yourself in this sad, unhealthy situation
You can't have someone's recovery for them. You need to come to peace with the fact that you have no power in this situation. If talking "sense" to her would work, it would have worked a long tima ago, right?
Step back completely and report her to APS to get her on their radar as a vulnerable elder. If you keep inserting yourself, which has been unproductive to this point, her most viable solution (APS steps in and gets her a medical detox and probably transitions her into a facility under a court-assigned guardian) won't be able to happen or will be greatly delayed.
Please open your eyes -- you can't reason her out of drinking or dementia.
Short answer is.. You don't You can't Just like you can't get someone to lose weight or stop taking drugs or stop smoking. If this person is addicted to alcohol stopping them can be dangerous. they need medical and psychological help and more important than that they need to WANT to quit whatever addictive behavior they have. Frankly if they have an official diagnosis of Alcohol Dementia stopping drinking will not reverse the damage already done and it probably will not slow the progression much if at all.
She has dementia so she can not understand what the alcohol is doing to her brain. do not bother trying to explain it trying to do so will only frustrate you and upset her. At this point all you can do is prepare for the future. Get any legal documents in place that you may need. If she is found not to have capacity you may have to go the route of Guardianship. All you can do is make sure she is safe and cared for. That can take on MANY forms from having a caregiver live with her 24/7 when that becomes necessary. Or you may have to consider placing her in a facility that can safely manage her care.
If people never started drinking in the first place, these discussions wouldn't be necessary. So for those of you who never have started, don't.
My alcoholic grandfather was abusive to my grandmother and my mother. An alcoholic relative had a one-car accident and died. My brother-in-law was killed by a drunk driver with cognitive decline. Countless classmates and childhood friends died too soon of conditions related to alcoholism (one was only in his mid-thirties). When I visit my husband in memory care, I see a number of his fellow residents who suffer from vascular dementia, a good bit of it almost certainly caused by alcohol, which has been verified by their loved ones who say things like, "She was always a heavy drinker, but I didn't expect it to lead to this." In the past I've ended relationships because alcohol made those people act in ways that hurt them as well as me. My sister has been a drinker since her teens, nonstop addiction, and now in her 70s has dementia. Her doctor once told her to stop drinking because she was having memory issues, and she was so angry that she got a different doctor. I'm sure if all of you look around at your world, you will find that alcohol has caused many miserable circumstances that wouldn't have had to happen.
When I was a teenager, my parents encouraged me to drink and smoke under their supervision because it was a way of teaching me how to be a grownup. Yes, they actively encouraged me to put toxic cancer-causing substances into my body! That wasn't unusual at that time, but I never did. It makes me sad to see posts like this one on this site. I agree with others who have answered Rose8455's question; there is literally no help for her mother at this point. And again I say, "If people never started drinking in the first place…..?"
I truly can think of no good reason to start a destructive addiction. If I could resist my parents' pressure, it shouldn't be too hard for others to resist peer pressure or whatever it is that causes them to take that first toxic sip.
Thanks for sharing Fawnby. I’m sorry you’ve had so much grief over this issue. A long time ago I chose to leave a situation because alcohol was strongly being chosen over relationship. I took a lot of criticism for it, by those who didn’t know the entire story (and didn’t need to) I’ve never regretted it and wouldn’t have the life I have now if I hadn’t made the choice. Alcoholics truly can reek destruction in their paths
No, you will not get her to understand, nor will you convince her to change her habits. I'm not sure why you are putting so much of your energy into changing her at 80. Surely, this has been a long developed lifestyle for her. Just accept that this will be her lifestyle until the day she dies.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Step back completely and report her to APS to get her on their radar as a vulnerable elder. If you keep inserting yourself, which has been unproductive to this point, her most viable solution (APS steps in and gets her a medical detox and probably transitions her into a facility under a court-assigned guardian) won't be able to happen or will be greatly delayed.
Please open your eyes -- you can't reason her out of drinking or dementia.
You don't
You can't
Just like you can't get someone to lose weight or stop taking drugs or stop smoking.
If this person is addicted to alcohol stopping them can be dangerous. they need medical and psychological help and more important than that they need to WANT to quit whatever addictive behavior they have.
Frankly if they have an official diagnosis of Alcohol Dementia stopping drinking will not reverse the damage already done and it probably will not slow the progression much if at all.
She has dementia so she can not understand what the alcohol is doing to her brain.
do not bother trying to explain it trying to do so will only frustrate you and upset her.
At this point all you can do is prepare for the future.
Get any legal documents in place that you may need. If she is found not to have capacity you may have to go the route of Guardianship.
All you can do is make sure she is safe and cared for. That can take on MANY forms from having a caregiver live with her 24/7 when that becomes necessary. Or you may have to consider placing her in a facility that can safely manage her care.
My alcoholic grandfather was abusive to my grandmother and my mother. An alcoholic relative had a one-car accident and died. My brother-in-law was killed by a drunk driver with cognitive decline. Countless classmates and childhood friends died too soon of conditions related to alcoholism (one was only in his mid-thirties). When I visit my husband in memory care, I see a number of his fellow residents who suffer from vascular dementia, a good bit of it almost certainly caused by alcohol, which has been verified by their loved ones who say things like, "She was always a heavy drinker, but I didn't expect it to lead to this." In the past I've ended relationships because alcohol made those people act in ways that hurt them as well as me. My sister has been a drinker since her teens, nonstop addiction, and now in her 70s has dementia. Her doctor once told her to stop drinking because she was having memory issues, and she was so angry that she got a different doctor. I'm sure if all of you look around at your world, you will find that alcohol has caused many miserable circumstances that wouldn't have had to happen.
When I was a teenager, my parents encouraged me to drink and smoke under their supervision because it was a way of teaching me how to be a grownup. Yes, they actively encouraged me to put toxic cancer-causing substances into my body! That wasn't unusual at that time, but I never did. It makes me sad to see posts like this one on this site. I agree with others who have answered Rose8455's question; there is literally no help for her mother at this point. And again I say, "If people never started drinking in the first place…..?"
I truly can think of no good reason to start a destructive addiction. If I could resist my parents' pressure, it shouldn't be too hard for others to resist peer pressure or whatever it is that causes them to take that first toxic sip.
Alcoholics won't reduce and won't stop drinking.
You can only change yourself. You can't change others particularly addicts.
If she has alcohol dementia she won't understand why she should quit.
Check out some Alanon meetings for yourself.