Dad is on hospice dyeing from terminal cancer and is in denial. We are not sure how long he has. but memory is getting really bad and he is buying stuff ( natural cure for cancer) in them morning and then again in the afternoon because he don't remember. Mom is losing memory fast and can't live alone after Dad is gone. If they don't sign up for medicaid we are afraid the state will take them when they show they are unfit to live alone. None of us 3 kids have the time with full time jobs to take this on.
What do you fear will happen if APS steps in and appoints a guardian for their care? None of you 3 kids will do it. What do you think will change if they get Medicaid assistance? Your mother will still be unable to live alone. Where would you like to see your mother now, and after your dad passes? I'm surprised the adult children are so uninvolved, not even taking time off busy work schedules to spend a little time with a dying father. I'm not criticizing, just think it's a little unusual, without more background.
As other posters have pointed out here, your mother and your father are not physically and cognitively equipped to follow through on a medicaid application on their own. Someone will have to help them.
You can just wait, and eventually mom will end up in a nursing home, and a social worker will help get the medicaid application processed, if your mother qualifies.
You are conflating 2 different things here: Medicaid qualification and court assigned legal guardianship. One does not depend on the other. FYI Medicaid doesn't always pay for hospice -- Medicare does (in home) but not necessarily in a facility.
And... if you siblings choose not to make a temporary sacrifice of your time to set up a sustainable and appropriate care solution, then who do you think is going to take care of them physically and pay for their care? The government will step in for guardianship if no one in the family is willing and able. By the way, family guardianship comes with a lot of responsibility for their finances as well as for their ongoing care management.
First, cut off your parent's access to the internet. You don't tell them you're going to do it or did it -- it just happens and when he's baffled you tell him down for repair. Take away his phone, if that's easier. He cannot be allowed to continue to drain their finances when he may need Medicaid.
Having a terminal diagnosis makes him a candidate for hospice. He is probably on Medicare (if he's a senior American citizen)... so maybe call Medicare and see if he is a candidate for a hospice facility and whether Medicare will cover it. Medicare will cover in-home hospice BUT this doesn't provide much hands-on help -- the family or a paid aid must still do this (and there'll be lots to do as your Dad declines from his cancer).
Or, maybe transition him into LTC facility that also has hospice. He can go in on private pay and then YOU or your siblings can help him apply for Medicaid. My MIL was in an excellent LTC facility on Medicaid for 7 years. She transitioned into hospice without ever leaving her room.
Your Mom does not seem like she will be able to manage any of their affairs if she has memory impairment. She will either need hired in-home help or a move into a facility if she can't be left alone anymore. Medicaid in most states only covers LTC, not AL or MC. Once your Dad passes, if they own a home this may need to be sold to pay for her facility care.
You need to have a meeting with all your siblings and have a non-emotional discussion about how you all are going to help your parents going forward. Don't wait for there to be a bigger crisis.
Best of luck to you and your folks.
How much do they receive monthly with Social Security and any pensions. Do they have IRAs, 401ks, CDs or investments. Do they own their home?
I would not use Medicaid for in home for 2 people suffering from dementia. I would use it to place them into a care facility. They will have to spenddown any assets they have before you can apply for Medicaid.
But if you think she would qualify, you or another family member can fill out the plethora of paperwork for her. You do know however that Medicaid only pays for a small number of in-home care hours/week so she'd have to have others step up tp help her if she can't live alone after your dad dies.
However Medicaid will pay to have her placed in a nursing facility if need be, and it may just have to come to that.
And even if your mom signs up for Medicaid, the state can still take over her care which in this instance doesn't sound like a bad idea, since you kids are all too busy to take on her care, and mom shouldn't be living alone.
Sometimes letting the state take over is in the best interest of all.
If your mother is unable to live alone after your father passes away, Medicaid will not cover full-time in-home care.
Do any of you have their POA?
I'm sorry about this stressful situation.