Mother has own house, she can drive no kind of bad health. She is just lonely and stays with me, my sister or her niece. Either for a week or up to 6 weeks only going home maybe during the a few days to switch out clothes or check her mail. When asked why she won’t stay home her answer is always is that she is lonely. When she does stay home a night she is begging us to let her come back. She is not married. I’ve given her options to get involved with senior centers and other people her age she never will. We all have lives to live and things to do that we throw to the way side for her to stay with us. And we all get frustrated and tired of this. It doesn’t matter to her what we got going on she will say well I’ll go with you. She will be 72 this April and no health problems that keep her from doing anything! She’s not scared or anything like that, just lonely. I’m 57 and am not in as good of heath as she is. And I do have a life outside my mother but she wants me to drop everything and let her stay. Me and my significant other can’t plan or do anything! What can I possible do to keep myself from getting burned out and I’m also to the point I don’t want to answer her calls, text or my door because I know she will stay. As bad as I hate to say this I feel like hiding from her. Please help me.
I would remove the twin bed from your craft room and donate it or stick it in
your garage.
The next time she wants to stay over tell her she can visit for 2 hours on this day but you no longer have a guest bed as your doctor wanted you to have an exercise room so you can do exercises for your health situation.
Encourage her to get involved in senior activities, church, etc. Explain that you and your significant other have things you're involved in and she can stay when it's convenient for you and you'll let her know when that is. If she chooses not to look for companionship elsewhere it's not on you.
Also, her doctor should notified of her depression. She can try antidepressants to see if they can help.
Good luck.
"Mom, the next two weeks won't work for us we have plans."
Keep conversation short and brief.
If she stays with you keep doing all of your plans with your husband.
Go out to dinner, movies, plays, walking the mall, seeing friends, church activities etc.
As you are heading out the door, "Mom, we are heading out on a date.
We will be late. See you tomorrow."
Do not cater to her if she stays with you. Live your life.
I set boundaries with my Mom that I did not realize until this forum. After Dad died and she stopped driving about 5 years later, I was it. We set up a day for shopping and running errands. Once a week we went out for dinner. Sunday I took her to Church. Her appts were set up around my schedule. Everything else she was able to do for herself. But she did have friends and her Church.
If your problem is you feel with her being there you can't do anything then start doing. She has a car. She can do for herself. She just likes having people around. You don't have to be around 24/7. You want to go away for the week or weekend... Sorry Mom not this week, we won't be home. Mom, got to run an errand, take one of the kids to an activity, will be back sometime after ?. And I would stop this 6 weeks at a time. Maybe you all can set up she spends one weekend a month with each you. Maybe she can find a nice little part-time job. As a hostess or receptionist.
That would be better solved by moving from her home to a senior living complex, or a private home that takes on a few elders as residents.
You need to let her know that she is intruding on your life and your plans. It's one thing to have a room in your house, like a roommate, but demanding your constant attention is draining you and keeping you from having your own life. Set your boundaries and be firm about it. She will try and make emotional appeals; you need to let her see that you will not give in.
Another option, though I hesitate to suggest it, would be for her to find a roommate to live with her in her home. I would be very selective about who that would be!
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