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Mother has own house, she can drive no kind of bad health. She is just lonely and stays with me, my sister or her niece. Either for a week or up to 6 weeks only going home maybe during the a few days to switch out clothes or check her mail. When asked why she won’t stay home her answer is always is that she is lonely. When she does stay home a night she is begging us to let her come back. She is not married. I’ve given her options to get involved with senior centers and other people her age she never will. We all have lives to live and things to do that we throw to the way side for her to stay with us. And we all get frustrated and tired of this. It doesn’t matter to her what we got going on she will say well I’ll go with you. She will be 72 this April and no health problems that keep her from doing anything! She’s not scared or anything like that, just lonely. I’m 57 and am not in as good of heath as she is. And I do have a life outside my mother but she wants me to drop everything and let her stay. Me and my significant other can’t plan or do anything! What can I possible do to keep myself from getting burned out and I’m also to the point I don’t want to answer her calls, text or my door because I know she will stay. As bad as I hate to say this I feel like hiding from her. Please help me.

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The power is with you to change this, it’s not helping mom or you. She needs her own friends and activities, not entirely on you to find or provide, and you need space. You’ll need to be more honest and blunt with mom than you’re used to, but that’s necessary and adult. Consider as well if she’d benefit from a medication for anxiety or depression and perhaps moving to a senior friendly community
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Tell her you are not her entertainment committee. This is what I tell my Mother and myself when I'm tempted to be that to her. Seventy-two is young! Just say no to her, you've given her options and if all her children say no then she won't have any choice but to come up with an alternative. She can't overrun your boundaries unless you allow it. No is a complete sentance. She is a grown adult and you are not responsible for her happiness.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Just say no. Don't answer her calls, texts, or your door if she's there. She's healthy and can drive herself somewhere else if you don't let her in. So don't. Look online for the senior communities in the area, with independent living for now and assisted living should she eventually need it. Put them all in a stack and give them to her. Tell her she can sell her house and move to one of them, where she'll have plenty of neighbors, a steady stream of activities, maybe a boyfriend, and she'll never be lonely again. If she chooses not to go and to continue being lonely, that's her problem.. You have your own life to live and enjoy the way you want to, not the way she dictates. "No" is a complete sentence.
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Reply to MG8522
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Rorock,

I would remove the twin bed from your craft room and donate it or stick it in
your garage.

The next time she wants to stay over tell her she can visit for 2 hours on this day but you no longer have a guest bed as your doctor wanted you to have an exercise room so you can do exercises for your health situation.
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Reply to brandee
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II had a similar situation with my mother. She didn't ask to come stay with us. But after retiring she was bored and lonely and wanted me to be her entertainment committee. She was in her late 60s at that point. I was newly remarried and had two children from my previous marriage. We were having some difficulty "blending". Mom didn't care. She wanted all of her calls and texts answered immediately. She expected to be invited on trips we took. She would also take her bad moods out on me, my husband and my kids. I finally had to set boundaries with her. If she invited herself or asked to be included I would let her know if it was just a getaway for me, my husband and kids. And stuck to it. If she started getting an attitude I would hang up or leave wherever she was. I answered her calls/texts when it was convenient for me. She caught on pretty quickly that what she had been doing wasn't going to work anymore. It helped that I'd had enough and didn't feel a bit guilty about it.
Encourage her to get involved in senior activities, church, etc. Explain that you and your significant other have things you're involved in and she can stay when it's convenient for you and you'll let her know when that is. If she chooses not to look for companionship elsewhere it's not on you.
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Reply to Emptynesting
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Set boundaries down. Firm ones. You'll see her x day or days per week and no more. I love you mom, but I have a life and need privacy.

Also, her doctor should notified of her depression. She can try antidepressants to see if they can help.

Good luck.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Rorock Mar 23, 2026
Thank you for the helpful information. I will talk to Dr about anti depressants. Whenever I try to set boundaries she cries and gets upset with me and keeps texting me telling me she does not want to be home and still asking if she can come back over, makes me feel so bad for her. She’s been gone for two days and text me saying “I miss getting to see you”. I’ve even suggested an assistant living facilities. She said NO nursing home.
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"Mom, this week won't work for us, we have plans."
"Mom, the next two weeks won't work for us we have plans."

Keep conversation short and brief.

If she stays with you keep doing all of your plans with your husband.
Go out to dinner, movies, plays, walking the mall, seeing friends, church activities etc.

As you are heading out the door, "Mom, we are heading out on a date.
We will be late. See you tomorrow."

Do not cater to her if she stays with you. Live your life.
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Reply to brandee
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Your Mom had you young. Did she marry young too? Did she work? Maybe thats the problem, she never had friends just her family.

I set boundaries with my Mom that I did not realize until this forum. After Dad died and she stopped driving about 5 years later, I was it. We set up a day for shopping and running errands. Once a week we went out for dinner. Sunday I took her to Church. Her appts were set up around my schedule. Everything else she was able to do for herself. But she did have friends and her Church.

If your problem is you feel with her being there you can't do anything then start doing. She has a car. She can do for herself. She just likes having people around. You don't have to be around 24/7. You want to go away for the week or weekend... Sorry Mom not this week, we won't be home. Mom, got to run an errand, take one of the kids to an activity, will be back sometime after ?. And I would stop this 6 weeks at a time. Maybe you all can set up she spends one weekend a month with each you. Maybe she can find a nice little part-time job. As a hostess or receptionist.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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She is not interested in getting involved with senior centers. Senior centers may offer activities and socialization during the days, but she is having a hard time being alone overnight.
That would be better solved by moving from her home to a senior living complex, or a private home that takes on a few elders as residents.

You need to let her know that she is intruding on your life and your plans. It's one thing to have a room in your house, like a roommate, but demanding your constant attention is draining you and keeping you from having your own life. Set your boundaries and be firm about it. She will try and make emotional appeals; you need to let her see that you will not give in.

Another option, though I hesitate to suggest it, would be for her to find a roommate to live with her in her home. I would be very selective about who that would be!
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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You say you can’t plan or do anything when she stays with you. Why not? Why not make your plans that don’t include her and just go out without her?: “Bye mom, we’re going out, there is a tv dinner in the freezer. Don’t wait up!”
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Reply to ShirleyDot
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