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You don't ask, you tell. MIL needs placement after New Years. If she can afford it, a nice assisted living. If not a board and care or Longterm care with Medicaid paying. She is not your responsibility, she is theirs.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I would talk with your husband and if needed get marital counseling. Hopefully you two can visit facilities together to find a new home for MIL.
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Reply to JustAnon
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Are you kidding? The deadline should be six days, not months.

On whichever day next week your children finish school (Tuesday or Wednesday), take them and your pets directly to somewhere else. Family, or an inexpensive airbnb, even if it's just in town. Don't tell him WHERE you're going, Don't answer any phone calls from him. Tell him that he and his sister are fully responsible for their mother Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Tell him by the time you get home on Sunday evening, they will need to have a plan because you will not be caring for their mother during the upcoming week, or any other week either. They need to take FMLA from their jobs until their mother is removed from your home, permanently. (If you homeschool your children, leave as soon as your husband comes home from work tomorrow.)

And don't ever describe yourself as "I don't work." Taking care of children IS work. Stop devaluing yourself. Seriously, how dare he?
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Reply to MG8522
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I think that you should take your kids and move out for 2-4 weeks leaving your husband to have take care of his mom full-time. He will have to take a leave from work but who cares...it's his mom not yours.
I can only guess that after those weeks of him having to deal with his mom 24/7 that he will be more than happy to get her placed in the appropriate facility.
And if not you may have to leave with the kids permanently, as any man that would put his mom before his wife and kids is no man at all and should be kicked to the curb.
Like Alva said below, this is really a marriage issue and not a MIL issue.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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I think you need to give your husband an ultimatum that she must live elsewhere because you no longer want to be her caregiver. Don’t be so nice about giving a six month deadline. You are being exploited.

Are you cooking Thanksgiving dinner on top of it all?
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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I’m sorry you’ve been taken advantage of in your own home. Your husband should respect your boundaries and his marriage more than he seems to be doing. Please make it clear that you will not continue as is, I’d highly recommend NOT saying you’ll do this until summer. That only gives them an excuse not to make changes. It doesn’t take that long to find a new living arrangement. Be firm. You may have to go visit family or a friend for a while and leave the responsibility entirely to your husband if he refuses to understand. I wish you courage and peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Simply, this isn't a MIL problem.
This is a marital issue and marital problem.
I would sit down and tell husband that you cannot now go on and that you don't intend to, and that you don't intend to argue about it. I would tell him that he needs to address placement now for his Mom. I would give him a time limit, and I would tell him that after that time limit is up you will be going to a divorce attorney.

I caution you that, before making this move, you make certain to take out money into an account of your own, as you husband may make very quick and certain moves to secrete his money away to places where you cannot access it, thus attempting to prevent any escape of his slave-labor.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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YOU don't get your MIL to move out. This is a discussion your husband has with his mother.
You have a discussion with your husband as to what you want to change.
Would having a caregiver..that MIL pays for improve the situation?
Would having your husband be more hands on with her care help the situation? You want her in her own place by summer. Can she manage on her own? Would Assisted Living be better for her?

I also should ask you if MIL paid you for your caregiving duties would that help? (do a quick search for the cost of caregivers in your area. It could be anything from $25.00 to $50.00 per hour more for live in or 24 hour care. It all depends on the care she needs and if medication is involved the cost would be much higher.
MIL should also be paying her FAIR share of ALL household expenses. Is she?
By all expenses I mean if there are 5 people living in the house she should be paying 1/5 of mortgage, gas bill, electric, cable, food and all the rest.

Your feelings and request is valid, this is your home as well.
The big question is if push comes to shove is this a choice of you or your MIL that your husband has to make?
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Simplytired Nov 21, 2025
Thanks for answering. I 100% COMPLETELY AGREE this is my husband's responsibility but it's also my home too. If he will not bring it up then I will have to. We have multiple conversations and go round and round. I simply say let's make a plan. And he doesn't know what to do from there. I got to the point that the actual stress between my husband and I was causing issues with my health. So I told him we need to have a family discussion. At Thanksgiving when his sister is here, let's just approach it as it's been this long, whats the next step in the plan? We would like to see something happening in the next few months to make that next step. Soo... to answer some of your questions. She is very generous with her money. Her money buys the groceries for the house (4ish people) 1 kid buys their own. And she pays me about $50 a week. I have no idea what she gives my husband. And honestly it's not that she is like a huge handful it's just the stress of having another responsibility. At the beginning she was 100% a huge handful but the past 3 months she is capable of almost everything, she just don't want to do it. That in its self I have have no sympathy for. Our children are all almost adults but this youngest one but that does not mean I am not busy and I am looking forward to a life after kids. I feel like that is never coming when I now have to make sure another person is fed, clean, clothed, doctors and everything else that goes with it. I do feel sympathetic for my husband trying to take care of his mom but HE is NOT the one doing all these things. I was a caregiver for my grandmother with dementia. It took alot out of me and although I was devastated. I was relieved when I no longer had to be a caregiver. It was exactly 1 year to the month that I got that relief.She lived in a facility within walking distance from my house so even though she was family, I could get a somewhat of a sense of leaving work at work and coming home. I also don't have that feeling now with my MIL living here. So to answere all of the questions about bringing help in. No. I just want to feel like a normal 38yr old again getting to enjoy life without all the extra for at least a little while.
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