My spouse helps me take care of my parents. He helps prepare our meals and I do everything else. Dad cannot get around well and Mom is bedridden. I'm trying to do right by them and take good care of them. My husband is tired of us not being able to do anything or take a vacation because of them. That's hurtful for me to have to hear. My parents didn't ask for this. I know that we didn't either but here we are. I am under so much stress and don't know what to do.
Its time to get your parents placed in Skilled Nursing care now. Taking care of a bedridden patient is way too much for one person to manage at home anyway. Apply for Medicaid and use up your folks funds first, if there are any, and take your home and your marriage back.
Best of luck to you.
Finding a good and safe place where they can be cared for is not “putting them in a home”. Think of how your parents cannot have any interaction with other people. Keeping them with you is isolating them more and more, and that’s not good for anyone.
It sounds like your parents assumed you’d be their retirement plan. If so, that was very selfish and irresponsible of them.
Your husband and marriage became the first priority when you said “I do”.
You are risking breakdown and injury yourself, and possibly the end of your marriage. Find someone appropriate to talk this through with.
From your brief description it doesn't sound like spouse is whining because of having to take on extra household chores, because somehow you're still doing all of those too. It sounds like spouse misses being with you. And probably can see that this will only get harder and worse.
You have lots of options at a range of prices (which your parents would pay or qualify for by being unable to) and you need to learn about them so you know what your options are. You could start by taking a break with hired help for your parents and spend a day or two away with your spouse. You don't want to lose your health or your spouse to caregiving and a lot of people do just that.
Your husband is your priority. . He comes first. Figure out what needs to be done to get help in or put them in AL.
It is admirable that you want to "do right by them", but that doesn't mean you need to be the 100% hands on caregiver. Why haven't they hired help? Your mother being bed ridden indicates major health issues that need proffesional help. Please realize their wants are no longer top priority. You have to establish in them their needs are greater than you and your husband can manage and more help is necessary for everyones well being.
They need to hire aides, cleaning help, maybe move to a more medically friendly community that will enable your parent to age in a continum level of care.
Stress will kill you and your husbands unhappiness will only become greater. Do something now before it is too late. I wish you strengh and clarity during this difficult journey.
*I just looked at your profile and you are my age. I am POA for my uncle and two years ago he experienced a medical emergency that prevented him from walking and is now in a nursing home. I found this forum when I was under an enormous amount of stress with the false thinking that I needed to do everything. Please use this forums knowledge and guidance with coming to terms with you absolutely needing to change course and get additional help or have your mother admitted to a LTC facility. You will kill your self if you keep this up. So sorry for you situation.
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