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My spouse helps me take care of my parents. He helps prepare our meals and I do everything else. Dad cannot get around well and Mom is bedridden. I'm trying to do right by them and take good care of them. My husband is tired of us not being able to do anything or take a vacation because of them. That's hurtful for me to have to hear. My parents didn't ask for this. I know that we didn't either but here we are. I am under so much stress and don't know what to do.

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I don't blame him for complaining. Your parents have usurped your home and your marriage causing you to be under too much pressure doing too much. What about your husband? You're his wife first but you've put him third and yourself fourth. How is this fair?

Its time to get your parents placed in Skilled Nursing care now. Taking care of a bedridden patient is way too much for one person to manage at home anyway. Apply for Medicaid and use up your folks funds first, if there are any, and take your home and your marriage back.

Best of luck to you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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There are plenty of people who can take care of your parents, either in-home caregivers or the staff in a facility. You are your husband's only wife. You made marriage vows to him, not to your parents. No, your parents did not ask to become old and disabled, but they are being incredibly selfish to expect you and your husband to provide all their care. Stop doing this, find an alternative (at their expense, or via Medicaid if necessary), and put your marriage back together before it's too late.
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Reply to MG8522
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You can’t sustain this. Even if your husband was thrilled to care for them, it’s too much to do at home alone. You cannot be a nurse, pharmacist, aide, physical therapist, counselor, and entertainer all in one 24/7 for years on end.

Finding a good and safe place where they can be cared for is not “putting them in a home”. Think of how your parents cannot have any interaction with other people. Keeping them with you is isolating them more and more, and that’s not good for anyone.

It sounds like your parents assumed you’d be their retirement plan. If so, that was very selfish and irresponsible of them.

Your husband and marriage became the first priority when you said “I do”.
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Reply to LoopyLoo
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Start by putting your marriage and husband first. Your parents should have planned for their old age unless you were the plan all along. How is this fair to your husband? Why is he less important than your parents?
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Reply to lkdrymom
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Just want to add, how hurtful is it for your husband to hear that your parents matter more to you than he does?
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Reply to MG8522
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I hope you’ll choose a new plan, prioritize your marriage, enjoy some travel before your health is ruined, and not live in misplaced guilt. How fortunate you are, your husband misses you and wants your time, don’t miss it
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Your “80 year old mother is 300 lbs and immobile” – and bed ridden. And then there is your 80 year old father as well. Sure you are “trying to do right by them”. You can do that by making sure that they are well cared for, but the carer doesn’t have to be you. If that’s “hurtful for you to have to hear”, you need urgent help yourself. You are “under so much stress and don't know what to do”.

You are risking breakdown and injury yourself, and possibly the end of your marriage. Find someone appropriate to talk this through with.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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lealonnie1 Mar 26, 2026
Omg, I just read the profile! OP.....since your mother is bedridden, now is the perfect time to put her on a healthy diet to lose 150 lbs. Since she cannot get her own food, you and dad must bring it to her. If she yells and screams, put in earplugs. She's likely to become mobile again once she's at a healthier weight. Don't enable her obesity. Since you work ft, this is on dad during your work hrs.
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Your parents didn't ask for this, but aging is not a choice. Your spouse also didn't ask for this, but you are choosing to take on the responsibilities that you have shouldered. You are correct in your assessment that you're under so much stress you can't think clearly, and that should be a great big sign that the way you're going is not sustainable.

From your brief description it doesn't sound like spouse is whining because of having to take on extra household chores, because somehow you're still doing all of those too. It sounds like spouse misses being with you. And probably can see that this will only get harder and worse.

You have lots of options at a range of prices (which your parents would pay or qualify for by being unable to) and you need to learn about them so you know what your options are. You could start by taking a break with hired help for your parents and spend a day or two away with your spouse. You don't want to lose your health or your spouse to caregiving and a lot of people do just that.
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Reply to Slartibartfast
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You won’t have a marriage by the time your parents are gone.. You had better figure this out because your husband is angry at this situation and there is a possibility he could leave.

Your husband is your priority. . He comes first. Figure out what needs to be done to get help in or put them in AL.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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You are right your parents didn't ask for this and neither did you or your husband. That is a good first step to admit. How old are you and your parents. Have you thought about the real possibilty that this situation can go on for 10-20 years depending on the life expectancy of your parents. Do you really want to do this for that long? It may sound callous but it is the reality of aging.

It is admirable that you want to "do right by them", but that doesn't mean you need to be the 100% hands on caregiver. Why haven't they hired help? Your mother being bed ridden indicates major health issues that need proffesional help. Please realize their wants are no longer top priority. You have to establish in them their needs are greater than you and your husband can manage and more help is necessary for everyones well being.

They need to hire aides, cleaning help, maybe move to a more medically friendly community that will enable your parent to age in a continum level of care.

Stress will kill you and your husbands unhappiness will only become greater. Do something now before it is too late. I wish you strengh and clarity during this difficult journey.

*I just looked at your profile and you are my age. I am POA for my uncle and two years ago he experienced a medical emergency that prevented him from walking and is now in a nursing home. I found this forum when I was under an enormous amount of stress with the false thinking that I needed to do everything. Please use this forums knowledge and guidance with coming to terms with you absolutely needing to change course and get additional help or have your mother admitted to a LTC facility. You will kill your self if you keep this up. So sorry for you situation.
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Reply to AMZebbC
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