My dad is 80 and doing well for his age and his many health issues but I fear that one day he may need Hospice. He is in a care facility that has taken great care of him but I'm afraid if he needs Hospice care, he will want to come home. I know this may sound bad but I can not take care of him and I can not afford to quit my job or ask for extended time off. He is in the process of selling his house so if he were to leave the facility, he would want to come to my house. I have a small house with lots of repairs needed and it would be hard to take care of anyone in it. I'm not a horrible person, I'm just being real. From what I have heard, Hospice does not do hands on care, they are just there for pain management. This is what one of my best friends told me when her dad was on Hospice. My dad needs total care now. He can still feed himself but he can not bathe himself, dress himself or tend to bathroom needs. For those of you who have had a loved on Hospice, how did you handle it if you were unable to be the sole caregiver during that time?
Thank you for your reply. He is already in a skilled nursing facility. If he ever needs Hospice, he would definitely receive better care where is now than he would at home. But, I know my dad and he would probably not ask to come, he would demand to come and more than likely plan to behind my back.
When the time comes for additional care with hospice, nothing changes. Hospice nurses, CNAs, chaplains and social workers come into the SNF to see dad and care for him there, just as the nurses and staff do now. Hospice is just more sets of eyes and hands to care for him.
If the "demand" arises to come to your home, the answer is still the same: No, that's not possible. It's doctors orders you live and be cared for in the SNF and this is where you'll stay, with me visiting of course.
Have a plan in place to deal with this so you won't have unnecessary anxiety about it beforehand. Hospice in managed care is where both of my parents passed and it was much smoother that way. I spent all day every day with each of them in the last week of their lives. I would do it again that way with no regrets, no guilt.
Best of luck to you.
I'm definitely stronger than I use to be in regards to saying what I can and can not do. He can not leave on his own but he will enlist his friends to come and get him which is what happened before when he tried to leave. He is in the best place. He even suggested several months that I have my house upgraded to be handicap accessible.
Are you checking in on the property or is the agent? Scary times these days as squatters find out and move in. Take care, admit that you can't do this and live your life.
I know what you mean by trying to lift someone. Before he went to a facility, he was falling a lot. I struggled to get him up and even hurt my back once. I'm hoping the house sells soon. I'm checking on it often because I have been cleaning it out and that is a huge task doing it alone. I do not have siblings and people charge alot of money to clean out a house. I did donate several things so that has helped. But you are right, I'm not physically or mentally able.
I will not be upgrading my home. I can not afford it. I would not tell him if he had to go on hospice but the facility might and then he would tell his family and friends. He is just a very different kind of person. For example, I have been cleaning out his house. He told me to get rid of everything. Now that I almost have, he seems to be a little upset about it. I know he misses his house but he will make it seem to his friends like I betrayed him
No need to worry. First, just take each day as it comes, and be thankful he is doing well right now.
He does not need to come to your home for hospice care. You are right that hospice does not provide hands-on cares, and you are not able to provide that for him in your home. Hospice will provide their care for him in the care facility.
IMO, we try to explain too much. Our patients get overwhelmed with information that their brain can't store anyway. Rude Aunt insisted that SHE was the only one treating Dad like the man he was, and she showed up and jabbered at him regularly because "he doesn't have dementia, he's just bored." The truth was that he was only a shell of that man, and treating him and talking to him like the man he used to be confused him, which caused agitation, which caused needing more meds, which caused Rude Aunt to declare that he was overmedicated, which I wished SHE was.
Dementia is a good time to employ the K.I.S.S. method - "Keep It Simple, Silly."
I do the same. I try to keep things simple with dad but other people that he talks to make it worse.
If he has or would develop pressure sores Hospice would have a Wound Nurse attend to them. The same as if he were in your home.
Hospice, in a facility will have a CNA give him a bath, shower or bed bath at least 2 times a week. The same would be if he were in your home. The facility staff would no longer do this.
The Hospice would provide all supplies that he needs, personal and medical. Same would be if he were in your home.
Hospice in a facility would NOT provide daily hands on care for him. The same would be true if he were in your home.
If pain and symptoms can not be managed they would transfer him to an In Patient Unit that may be a Hospice free standing IPU or a Hospital they have an arrangement with he would have more hands on care at that point but once pain and symptoms are managed he would be transferred back to where he lives. That would back to the facility or if he is living in your home back to your home.
In general Hospice is not going to provide hands on care. the facility where he is will provide the vast majority of care just as you would if he were living in your home.
Now if he were to go to your home before he is transferred there Hospice would order all the equipment that you would need to safely care for him. It would be delivered and set up and you would be given instruction on how to use whatever is needed but YOU would be the one doing the work.
You can hire a caregiver to help.
If in a facility you would want more hands on care you can ask the facility about hiring a caregiver to be with your dad. Your dad would pay for the caregiver (or you would) but it would be an extra pair of hands. I can tell you if you did hire a caregiver it probably would not actually be an "extra set of hands" as the facility would probably not have their staff tending to your dad since there is someone there already.