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This lady’s son made her see a doctor in August 2025 to diagnose her with moderate/severe Alzheimer’s. He never gave her the results after her repeated requests. Then he took her to see a lawyer to draw up a trust. She has five children but he listed himself as the sole beneficiary. She trusted him and didn’t read these documents. She was living in her own home and then he put her in independent living at a senior community in September 2025. Two weeks ago she was questioning him on something and he told her she was totally incapacitated mentally and physically and couldn’t make any decisions for herself. And if she pushed him, he would put her in memory care. She calls me regularly and doesn’t know what to do, she totally trusted her son and realizes now that was a mistake. Her other kids are afraid to stand up to this son. Is there anything she can do to make some decisions? He moved her out of state and she wants to go back where she lived before,

She needs to name one of her other kids as her POA and have them help her make the changes she wants to make. Unless she actually does of Alzheimer's. She can call the doctor who tested her in 2025 and ask to see her medical records. I would start there. They can't bar her from seeing her own records, but if she cannot manage to do this simple thing, then maybe she does need a POA and is not mentally competent. What is your relationship to her? Just a friend? Can you be sure she is not in need of a POA because of dementia?
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Reply to ShirleyDot
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i believe she does quite well living independently in a senior residence. She is aware she made a mistake trusting her son and not reading the documents she signed. All she wants is to go back to the town and state she was living in before be moved her away and he refuses her this request and threatens to put her in memory care if she goes against him.
The one short page letter from the doctor says she has moderate/severe Alzheimer’s, which I find hard to believe. She would like to move back and have someone else in charge, but legally as it stands, her son has stripped her of any decision making. Does she need a second doctors assessment before seeing the attorney?
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MG8522 13 hours ago
Did she give her son her POA? Is so, when? Before or after the diagnosis?
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Two of her kids believe anything her son says and the other two aren’t as close to him and will not stand up to him.
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What is your relationship to this person?
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Madeleine1 17 hours ago
I am her friend. We call each other several times a week. I am very concerned. She sent me a pdf file of the doctors report in letter format along with the trust.
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Madeleine, it's very kind of you to try to help your friend with this.

If the report from the doctor in August 2025 said she had moderate/severe Alzheimer's, then it was illegal for the lawyer to create the Trust and have her sign it, because she wasn't competent. So the Trust can be revoked as it was not created validly.

If she gets a second doctor's evaluation that says she does not have moderate/severe Alzheimer's and is competent, then she can revoke or amend the Trust.

Do her other children know that her son did this, making himself the sole beneficiary and disinheriting them? Maybe that information will bring them around to helping her instead of trusting the son.

Did he use a POA signed by her to move her into independent living? If he doesn't have her POA, then he can't force her to stay there, nor can he / could he sell her house. (Did he? What happened to it?) If the POA is dated after the diagnosis, it is invalid because she was not competent to sign. If she gave him POA prior to that, then the doctor's statement might be sufficient.

Why are her other children afraid of this one?
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Madeleine1 4 hours ago
Thank you for all your information and support. As far as I know there is no POA. The trust is dated December 2025, and includes the diagnosis letter from August 2025 as support documentation. I have these documents, she texted the pdf file to me. I don’t know, but would doubt the other kids know their brother is the sole beneficiary.
My guess is the son in charge is selling off all her paid for rental properties that are worth a little less than two million (they are on Zillow) in order to have nothing in her name so in the future when she needs memory care, the state will have to pay for that, leaving him free and clear with all her assets.
I don’t know if I should talk to one of her daughters and give her the legal documents to take any action as she sees fit. Maybe that is the best solution, and then I will close my eyes and ears from here forward.
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I do think it's important to point out that when someone has dementia they can sound just fine on the phone, which is known as showtiming. It means they can hold it together for a phone call or a doctor's visit, or a relative stopping by.

Is it possible that she is showtiming on the phone to you and that she does need a POA to make her decisions? Where is her house now? Sometimes elderly folks with dementia say all kinds of things that aren't true but they believe are true because of their dementia.

And sometimes an unscrupulous son or daughter etc will manipulate someone into something especially if assets are involved. What does the son get out of putting her in memory care? Do her drs agree that she needs memory care? Everyone has to be evaluated, they can't just "be put in to memory care".
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How do you know she is doing quite well living in an independent living apartment? Because she tells you this on the phone? She might have people helping her throughout the day with medication and other reminders. Unfortunately people with dementia rarely think they have dementia. Unless you are spending significant time with her in person, it can be hard to tell from a distance and from self reporting. Maybe go visit her for a week and see how things are in person before taking her word and trying to advise or help?
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notgoodenough 7 hours ago
100% agree!

If this son is/was after her money, as seems to be the implication here, he wouldn't have "put" her in an IL, he would have let her wander around her own home and therefore not spend the money that an IL costs.

The OP needs to think long and hard about the wisdom in getting overly involved in this!
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People with dementia usually think they do not have dementia. My mom 100 percent believes she can return to her home and live on her own successfully with little help. My cousin that visits her believes almost everything she says. To the cousin mom is just old and needs some support. No, mom needs 24/7 care. Mom can sit and chat about stocks and current events, but can't remember what season it is. She can lecture people about their clothing choices, but can't remember my birthday. Just because your friend seems OK, doesn't mean she is.
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Madeline, I am sure that you care very deeply for your friend and want to help her as best as you can.

But...it would not be unheard of that, if you persist in trying to correct this perceived "wrong", YOUR motives might very well be called into question. There may come a time when people misconstrue your intentions to be helpful and instead perceive your actions as trying to convince your friend with dementia to disinherit one (or possibly more) of her children in order to, perhaps, get that share of your friend's money for yourself. Indeed, if your friend has dementia, there may come a time when it is SHE who is accusing you of trying to steal her money. You would not be the first person to have a false accusation made against you, and you won't be the last.

Which is why I reiterate my advice to stay out of this...let your friend vent, and make sympathetic noises, but don't take it any further than that. Unless and until you have definitive proof - beyond what your friend is telling you - that this son has intentions to steal his mother's money.
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Madeleine1 1 hour ago
Thank you for your input, I do appreciate it, really. I spoke again with my friend and she told me she explained this to the management of her IL and they are convening a meeting together with her son. They said her son cannot threaten her with going to memory care and they will sort matters out. I am staying out from here forward and will just listen. Thank you!
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