After solely taking care of my Mother, 24/7 for over 14, my dad for the last of those 3, and my oldest brother for the last 1.5 of those years, I arranged to go out of state to care for my three grandsons, during my son's Navy deployment to Afghanistan, for three years. After we discussed it with Mother, I graciously transferred power of attorney to my sister, about two months before I left.
In 2019, my middle brother (Will) returned to Georgia, and conned my sister into signing over the power of attorney to him, while Mother was in a coma. As the main caregiver for Mom - he is mean, rude, disrespectful and nasty - even forbids me to enter "his Mother's property", if my husband comes along. (Due to major personal health issues I have not driven since 1995, and solely rely on my husband to transport me every where. (We live over 80 miles one-way from Mom and want to spend more time with her, as we were always close before Will moved back into Mother's home.)
Mother verbally gave me one of her cars (witnessed on 5/12/2021 by my sister). I told all my siblings about it, explained it was not in writing yet; still they agreed it was fine with them, except for Will. He called me later and threatened to set fire to the vehicle if he ever sees me driving it; he still has possession of all the keys and the titles..
Life has really taken a turn towards the end for Mother. I so miss feeding her and interacting with her. I still call daily yet, seldom get to speak to her unless another sibling is there to answer the phone.
Immediately upon the last visit (5/17/2021) Will stated (he's) Satan, then threatened to shoot both my husband and myself if we didn't leave immediately. Thankfully, one of the visitors physically barred Will from entering the house to get one of his many guns, while we fled, with Mother begging us not to call the police about this. (The hospice nurse was there, but claims she didn't see or hear anything. How could she not....) Is there any way to resolve these type of issues about the family without going to court? How do I get to visit and still remain civil, if my brother keeps up his shenanigans?
As a travel nurse (since 1981) specializing in wound care/trauma, it pains me to see the condition of my Mother's body - full of pressure sores, etc. In spite of her discomfort, I believe she is being over-medicated by my brother, but cannot spend enough time to get evidence - he refuses to let me know what meds he gives her, how often.
Out of love, I paid off Mother's house and car, fully furnished and repaired her 4B/2B house in 1996. I want nothing from her, but her love, which she previously gave unconditionally; now, every move I make towards Mother requires approval from the evil (Will) brother. He calls me every ugly name under the sun - in more than one language - and I am tired of it. It still hurts after over 60 years of his vile treatment towards me which he days is done just because I was born. I pray he will grow up before Mother passes away.
How do I get to visit and still remain civil, if my brother keeps up his mess? Does this mean I must just stay away to keep peace, as the eldest brother advises? If you have any suggestions, ideas, to deal with this, please send them my way.
Yes, I pray every chance I get for patience, forgiveness. and love unceasingly for all of us, as we were taught since birth but I'm the youngest of six siblings and at my wits end.
Your brother is a criminal and guilty of elder abuse, assault, and who knows what else. Those aren't "shenanigans." Why are you trying to make this less than it is? Do you think this makes your mother safe?
I never understand why families pussyfoot around a dangerous person instead of getting law enforcement involved immediately. Why wait until brother Will actually whips out one of those guns and uses it?
I have no advice here, because common sense says you should get a restraining order against your brother at the very least, but that would involve the courts. I guess you just stay away from Mom for the rest of her life.
You must be financially well off if out of love you paid off a lot for your mother; otherwise that would have been very unwise, given that you will require funds for your own elder years. In either case it is all done, and one can't go back. Also know that a verbal agreement about a car should have become the reality of adding you to the title (very easily done when it is a family member), because as it was verbal it is undone.
If your brother is unstable and mentally ill (as indicated by his claims that he is Satan) and you have evidence to present of this, APS can be called.
Any "fight for guardianship" at this point would likely see the guardianship taken by the state and a Fiduciary appointed. Meanwhile, in the case of a brother this unstable I would take great care; I am hoping there are not guns around.
I sure don't have any suggestions about this because so much water has flooded under the bridge. I would contact an elder law attorney and get that person's advice.
Care workers are very hesitant to end up in court testifying and that is likely the reason that your care worker "didn't hear a thing".
I am so sorry for all the mess. When it comes to family dynamics that get this out of control, as you can imagine, all of us on Forum, hearing only your side, can only suggest you take it to the local authorities or a Lawyer. I am so sorry for all the grief and pain and uncertainty for you, but more than that, I shudder to think of your poor Mom whose end of life is in the midst of this turmoil. I sure wish you the best of luck and hope things will get better.
Call Adult Protective Services. Now.
I don't know how Sister turned POA over to brother because, like said, Mom had to do that and she was in a Coma. Legally, your brother may not be POA and sister can take back the POA responsibility.
I will keep you and your mom in my and prayers.