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My mother has been hospitalized in China, my home country, since mid Dec 2025 when she got the flu and pneumonia. She was put on an NG tube and a urinary catheter after she was admitted. While I know NG tube is meant for short term, in Asia, they put tubes in bed bound elderly for years.
My mother is 89 and she attempted suicide before after she became unable to walk or stand. Signing a medical directive is almost unheard of over there. Hospice is a horrible place to go as people like her would be treated unprofessionally, carelessly and without dignity.
Before getting sick in Dec, her health condition has been declining. She used to be able to sit there and eat by herself but last year she required some hand feeding for each meal. But she has been living at home for years without fever or antibiotics. My brother moved her to a chair toilet next to bed to pee and poop. She didn't have bedsores before.
She has been treated with antibiotics for pneumonia and bedsores in hospital since Dec but she frequently had fever even on antibiotics. Perhaps I should think about letting her go but I want to ask how to safely wean her off feeding tubes.
The doctors there said while on NG tube she should not eat by mouth, she would choke, they said. But based on what I read online, she has to gradually eat real food to wean herself off the tube.
Currently she coughs and has low fever and fever constantly. She is weak. I am concerned that the NG tube and catheter can put her on a vicious cycle and she will eventually die.
We will check her out of hospital and put her on adult diaper which will lower UTI risk compared to catheter, although not sure if getting her out while she is on and off fever is a good idea.
I want her to eat some soft, moist real food but will she choke while on NG tube? We don't know how to put tube in and out at home. Would go to hospital when tube needs to be replaced. She is too weak to pee or poop
Thanks in advance for your inputs. I am very inexperienced dealing with her current situation.

First, you don’t know if oral feeding is safe at all. Mom might aspirate food into her lungs. Without a swallow study it’s unknown if it’s safe. Next, my son had an NG tube as a child several times around surgeries. He’d most often refuse to eat orally when the tube was in as it was uncomfortable and unnatural feeling to him to swallow food with the tube in place. Going back to a hospital each time an NG tube needs replacement is unrealistic. They get pulled out easily for all sorts of reasons, even when taped to the cheek. The hospital nurses taught us to do it and insisted we do it in front of them before discharge. It’s very uncomfortable for the patient and should be done quickly with a check by stethoscope after to make sure it’s in the stomach and not the lungs, where it would be catastrophic. Short version, though your intentions are good, this is too much to handle on your own in a home setting without a load of training and extra help. I wish you and mom both peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Superstressed Feb 22, 2026
Thanks for your reply. There is no swallow study in the hospital. Doctors and nurses generally do not allow eating food while NG tube is on. She was able to sit on her bed and eat before her hospital stay and didn't have pneumonia before.

My brother is afraid to insert the tube for my mother. Did you use stethoscope at home to check the tube you inserted was at the right place? I can buy a stethoscope but don't know how to use it.

If I send her to a nursing home in china, they will withdraw stomach fluid before injecting nutritional soft food but I don't think they will do all the textbook checks done in the US.

You brought up a good point on the tube being pulled out. In the hospital, they tie her hands at night to prevent her from pulling the tube
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What does your mom want? If she attempted suicide before, maybe she wants to die naturally? So if those are her wishes, bringing her home, removing the tube, and keeping her comfortable would be a kindness.
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Reply to ShirleyDot
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Superstressed Feb 22, 2026
I don't know when it is the right timing to remove the tube and we don't have any medical supplies to keep her comfortable.
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I am 89. With all due respect, if I were in your Mom's condition I would probably resist tubes of any kind, including NG and catheter. I have stipulated in writing "no heroic measures" to prolong life when/if recovery does not appear likely. I don't know the law or the procedures for end of life in China, but prolongation in this type of situation would NOT appeal to me--at all. IMO, there are two important points: (1) Mom is kept pain free and comfortable; (2) her wishes for end of life are carried out to the extent possible given the circumstances.
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Reply to ElizabethAR37
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Your Mom's in China, but are you? If you're also in China then you need to get guidance from the doctors there.

If you're not in China I don't know how you plan to manage transitioning her off. We aren't medical professionals on this forum. Is there such a thing as hospice care in China?

I'm so sorry for this distressing situation.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Superstressed Feb 22, 2026
I am not in China but I have a flight in March . My brother has been taking care of her. Last time she was checked out, they basically pulled the feeding tube and urinary catheter but my brother found it hard to feed her real food because she didn't want to eat and was sent back to hospital due to high fever and pneumonia. There was no training to family caregiver how to care for her at home. I read tons of stuffs and told my brother her head needs to be elevated.

Hospice care is very very few and run by private entities. Online reviews are very horrifying and these places tend to charge families a fortune when patients die
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Please make peace with the fact your mom is dying. I'm so sorry. As has been stated there is good reason to think she may not be safe eating even thick baby food. My dad went through several swallow tests and ended up with a feeding tube. It's normal to fight against the inevitable, but it seems your mom is passing away. I would not remove her to a home as she will need 24/7 care.
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Reply to JustAnon
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Not knowing what kind of support is available in China for your brother to do home care for your mother makes it difficult to determine if this can be done .

But I’m guessing just from how you describe hospice that there would not be good support available as in Nurses coming to the home. If that is the case , I would say that home care in your mother’s fragile condition is not going to go well . Unfortunately , I think Mom will have to stay where she is .

Also you would not be able to take the tube in and out for each meal . It’s traumatic to nasal tissue and esophagus to insert it .
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Reply to waytomisery
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Superstressed 4 min ago
I was wondering if she could eat real food with NG tube in. I read medical instructions online. It can be done but I was trying to learn from other caregivers who are experienced
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Are you in China or the USA? And whether or not you are in China, how can you manage all of this? Do you have any say over the doctors? Of course “she will eventually die”, as I am sure you know quite well. Will trying to ‘buck the system’ be in her best interests, and will it actually work?
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Superstressed Feb 22, 2026
My brother is taking care of her in china. Feeding tubes can cause about 50% of patients to have aspirational pneumonia and the death rate can be up to 64% associated with aspirational pneumonia.
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In the US lay persons and family members do not insert NG tubes. Even RN's would not insert NG tubes.

Can you move your flight up? I find sometimes when I am on site I can make a better evaluation and better decisions.

Can you meet with your PCP in the US and see what he/see says?

Can you bring medical supplies with you on your carry on?

Sorry for what you are going through.
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Reply to brandee
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Daughterof1930 8 hours ago
This family member inserted the NG tube many times with my son and even fired the home health RN from doing it because I was faster at it than her, hence less screaming and upset to my son. In the US, if the NG tube becomes approaching long term usage the patient is usually changed to a g-tube directly into the stomach rather than the more irritating naso gastric route. My son came close to this but never required it. The NG tube was used following extensive surgeries and our learning how to insert it was part of the hospital discharge protocol
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Do they have hospice care in China because it sounds like your mom still has pneumonia and it’s probably killing her.
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Reply to southernwave
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Superstressed 6 min ago
They have similar instructions but very very few and not really treating patients with care or dignity. Old patients tend to die within days after being transferred to those places and then they charge families a fortune for the deceased because they could when they hold the bodies.
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