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My husband is a retired federal atorney, In the early stages of decline he argues with me that I am being unreasonable. I have been in therapy TWICE because initially, I was convinced that I had a problem, Our income tax had not been filed for a few years and as soon as I sent in some documents he skipped ahead and did the last year. He is refusing to show me the documents.
I am between a rock and ahrd place and it hurts.

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So, I'll tell you what my brother's wife did. As soon as she found out he had not filed taxes, she back filed taxes as much as she could and got them cleared with the IRS. You don't want to end up in jail, so get a lawyer that knows about tax issues. You might want to get your husband an evaluation for dementia. Sounds like it may be time for you to make some hard decisions about the future including when to place him in a facility if necessary. If you have kids, please contact them and let them know what is going on.

Also, how long have you been married and did he gaslight you before this? It might not be dementia. It might be a personality disorder.
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Reply to JustAnon
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I'm so sorry you are in this distressing situation.

How old is he? You say he's in the early stages of decline... so does this mean he has a medical diagnosis in his charts?

Are you his PoA? If not, is anyone? These are two very important pieces of information for context so that we can give you the best guidance.

Do you file jointly? This would require you to sign the documents. Do you know who the accountant is? If your husband has a medical diagnosis of decline then I would show this or the PoA to the accountant with the discrete instructions to not work with your husband any further.

Please provide more information.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Has your husband been diagnosed with a dementia by a doctor? This can be a valuable step in getting you knowledge and help. When there’s dementia, there’s loss of reasoning skills and good judgment. You shouldn’t be arguing with him, it’s fruitless. He shouldn’t be making financial decisions or filing taxes, those are on you now. He should have a POA for healthcare and financial decisions. Hopefully that’s you, with someone a generation younger as a backup. Hiding things is a big dementia behavior, along with paranoia. Having hurt feelings over it is understandable but also not productive. Be proactive. Have a friend or family member take him out for a day or several hours while you search the house for documents, passwords, anything hidden, all that you need to handle finances and taxes. Do not admit to doing this, but take over all of it, or if you’re not POA, have that person do it. You’re in a new world now, learn all you can about dementia. I wish you peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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If your name and Social Security number (or ITIN) are on the tax return (either as the primary or secondary filer), you have the legal right to request and receive copies of your tax records from the IRS, go online.

One way a spouse can cheat is to delay the refund into the next year. Then, they
receive the refund after the separation and divorce.
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Reply to Sendhelp
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