We hurt our mother's helper's feelings unintentionally, and don't know how to make amends. Any suggestions?
We found a wonderful woman to be on-call to take our mother to medical appointments, trips to the grocery store, etc. (Our mother is in an assisted living facility, but they don't have staff for this type of help.) My mother really likes her and we have been so pleased. SInce we live elsewhere, we haven't met her personally, but communicate by text message and email when there's a need to do so. Late last week, there was a series of texts/emails among the helper, me and my sibling dealing with what I thought were routine matters (rescheduled appointment, problems with air conditioning, etc.) I was floored to receive an email today from the helper resigning from her work with our mother, because she felt that our emails to her had been "demeaning." I went back through everything. I swear nothing was written with any idea of criticizing this woman --- nothing was further from our minds! --- and (honestly) I can't figure out how what was written could have been interpreted as critical, demeaning, or anything else negative. I quickly responded to her with an explanation of our good intentions, and got an answer saying she didn't want to get any more emails from us. I'm so upset, and I realize that someone that does the kind of work she does, may have been treated poorly in the past. Should I make another effort to get past the communications barrier? Should I let it drop? What on earth could have happened?
We had a caregiving situation with my grandmother. We were 3 hours away and my mother and I started having serious misgivings about this person although my dad just couldn't see it. My dad was sick and wanted someone to help his mom. It was a small town and he knew the family. To make a long story short, this person started saying things to my grandma like, "I can be your daughter" and hanging a family portrait of HER family on my grandmother's wall, putting her foster daughter's photo in the frame with my husband and I's wedding photo and was always, "up against it." Whenever she would do additional sitting, etc. my mom and I always told her to keep her time and that we would pay her. She said her and my grandma had it all worked out.
Turns out, there was a screaming match one day in which she told my grandma she should leave her house to her!
We later found out that there was a registered sex offender at my grandma's church who my grandma befriended. Turns out this woman went to the pastor, the neighbors, etc. but not to us. We had suspicions that something was wrong and started investigating. I asked her why she couldn't even tell the family and her response? "Didn't know what you would say?"
This was someone who always had issues, needed to "be special," needed a bedroom suit, clothes for her kid, etc.
If you have looked over your messages and see nothing wrong, then thank God she is leaving before you have to "bribe" her back to do her job. Trust me, this is how it starts to get more and more money, items, etc. from the family.