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He has a life long history of pathological lying. Diagnosed in his 60s with Covert Narcissism and Covert Psychopathy as no conscience/guilt/remorse. He acknowledges he gets a rush by duping people. He is now 80. Currently diagnosed with MCI. He also has Parkinsons. Promises to not repeat behavior on phone, text or email, but states he can justify it in his own mind.
Some of the lying is well thought out and hidden, other parts I can see it is possibly the MCI.
Is it appropriate to remove communication devices unless I am there? He has promised to show me the communications prior, but he is not.
He comes from a family that has refused to believe he has this diagnosis and refuses to believe he could be anything but perfect.
He has been estranged for 9 years from one son and grand children due to lying to them as well. He also has disclosed for 20 years he was attacted to his son's ex wife.
I reached out to family for years for help with his behavior. They have refused to believe me and state they don't accept he engages in this behavior as it would destroy their image of him ( well respected in his profession) and would make them look like fools to admit they were duped as well.
Thus I end up being the scapegoat who must be exaggerating. He has alienated me from his family members as my presence would not allow him to keep up the lies.
We have had years of marital therapy, he has had individual therapy and he has a psychiatrist, but unfortunately he lied to them as well, hence the diagnoses he received.
My dilemma is how to stop his continuiing maligning of my character, while I continue to look after him. Things are getting gradually worse with his memory and I can see Dementia or FTD being diagnosed soon.
Any suggestions on the electronic devices question?
Sorry this is so long and it may not be the correct place to ask this question.
Thank you if anyone has a suggestion.

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You can't control other people. You can only make boundaries that are yours to defend since he will never respect them.

You can stop him from using/having a phone. or using the internet if at all possible. Even using "therapeutic fib" to achieve this end.

You can tell him you'll leave him unless he 1) assigns you as his Poa and then 2) gets a cognitive exam. The goal would be to have the authority to relocate him to AL or MC. But don't make threats you aren't willing or able to carry out.

Only you can decide what a solution looks like for you.
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Reply to Geaton777
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I think removing the communication devices is well justified. Do you have your finances secured and protected from any reckless behavior by him? This is especially important if you think he has or is developing FTD.

I'm sorry you've been subjected to this for so long.
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Reply to MG8522
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You'll never change a person diagnosed with these personality disorders and now Parkinson's with dementia. Why are you caring for him at all???
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Just a wild guess. My husband has Parkinson’s as well, no dementia, but as it advances he is prone to infections which put him in hospital almost every month last year and this year the worst ever. Several times due to infection which are common for PD he developed delirium. One time he called everyone and told them I kept him in hospital, funny( not) I was having affair with handyman. One person only believed him. Called me every nasty name. On top of it he sent police to our place at 4 am stating someone was killing me or him. He was in hospital.
He is otherwise very rational, stoic person.
Just saying PD is horrible.
Every dr advised it was time for facility, lucky for me hubby found good one.
My advice, build your own support system, so important for any of progressive diseases which only get worse.
It is understatement to say how much I value people who support me.
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Reply to Evamar
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When you couple an aging brain with personality disorders, It really turns into quite a catastrophe. Perhaps someone else should be caring for him. It sounds like his whole family has problems.
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Reply to Hrmgrandcna
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Yes take it all away unless he gets violent about it. Call 911 anytime you feel afraid.

See a lawyer and get your money and let him be. However he goes down is however it’s going to happen.

I don’t know if anyone has told you that you don’t have to stick with this and you don’t have to give care to him.
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Reply to southernwave
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Alsara, are you "his wife"?
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Reply to Rosered6
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Yes, I am his wife. It is a conundrum to differentiate the lies from the confabulation. I want to have empathy for the cognitive changes but am stuck with the lengthy history of lying and manipulation.

Thank you to all who replied. I will look for a therapist as well but trying to find someone trained in personality disorders and cognitive decline is difficult. I just wondered if anyone else also had the same difficulty. Trying to empathize and care for someone with Dementia symptoms but torn with the history of manipulation and deceit. Hard to walk away when you know he cannot do his own finances etc. but is not yet ill enough to go into care. I am appreciative of your responses. I wish you all the best on your journey.
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Reply to Alsara
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ShirleyDot Jan 18, 2026
The therapy isn’t for him, it’s for you, to support you. You can’t change him or his behavior: he either can’t or won’t. A therapist will help you figure out why you are staying with him when he treats you badly, and how to develop strategies to protect yourself.
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If your husband isn't ill enough to go into care, then he can take care of himself. If he can't take care of himself, he is ill enough to go into care. You don't have to be the caregiver.
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Reply to Rosered6
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How long have you been married to this pathological liar?
It seems this has been a problem for you your entire marriage. Why the interest in controlling it now? I don't think there is anything you can do to stop or control this behavior. And, yes, it will definitely get worse with the onset of dementia.
It is unfortunate that his family does not see it. I don't expect you will change their minds now. I can't think of any realistic way you could manage or supervise his use of electronic devices. I'm sure people who have known him a long time already know to take anything he says with a grain of salt.

I think I kind of understand. I have a stepson who compulsively lies. He just makes stuff up. And, he doesn't seem concerned about covering his stories.
He can make a statement, and then contradict it in the next sentence. And if you question him, his explanations become so convoluted as to make no sense at all.
I'm not sure why he does it. I don't think it's for any type of gain. I feel like he just has a creative imagination, and likes to tell the story in his head because it is more interesting than the reality. But, I can't imagine what it's like living with a narcissistic liar. You poor thing. I feel bad for you, but you've done it for this long... not sure what you are hoping to see change now.
Maybe someone else can offer a more useful suggestion.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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MCI is literally stage 4 of dementia. It starts being called that in stage 5, which is labeled. “Moderate dementia.” Whatever personality disorders he had will manifest more as his filters are removed. He is beyond individual let alone marital therapy.
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Reply to PeggySue2020
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I would place him in Memorycare if I had the money, no phone. If you can't afford that, Medicaid in a Longterm care facility.

You need to consult with an Elder Lawyer about splitting of your assets. His split goes to his care and when almost gone, you apply for Medicaid. At that point, you remain in the home, get a car and enough or all of your monthly income to live on.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Thank you again everyone for the support. I suspect I know why I’m not leaving. Left home at 15 and nobody to help me when I was vulnerable. I suspect I won’t leave now that he is vulnerable. Yes, twisted but probably accurate.

Just hearing everyone’s comments is helpful. I feel supported , calmer and am greatful to all of you.

You all take care of yourselves as well.

Sorry I’m not sure if this goes to everyone or I am just replying to one person.

All my best.
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Reply to Alsara
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SamTheManager Jan 20, 2026
You have a history that makes you a prime target for people with the disorders you say your husband has been diagnosed with. He is using Fear Obligation and Guilt to keep you in place taking care of him. Please take care of yourself first. They take over your whole life.
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My mom has NPD and schizophrenia and is in a dementia care facility. I am glad you are seeking out counseling for yourself. You need to heal from the abuse. If he gets violent you can do an involuntary commitment for 48 hours or so to get a psych eval, and if they determine he has dementia you can get him placed in a facility. The first IVC we did, the hospital kept her a week and determined she could go home alone. Thankfully the second one (after she became more violent) resulted in placement. She has been there two years and it's been amazing. I get to visit and decide when the visit is over. It's a lockdown facility so she cannot leave.
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Reply to JustAnon
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Please excuse my bluntness, but he's damn lucky you stayed with him. Please, place him and live with a peaceful heart. You certainly earned it.
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Reply to JeanLouise
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