I had to make the heartbreaking decision to put my husband in a memory care facility because his sundowning was so bad at night starting at 6:30pm, He was up all night walking around trying to punch in at his job that he has been retired from for 7 years. He thought the heating thermostat was his time clock and would try to punch in all night. He was frustrated and angry all night also wanting to continually eat because he said he never ate all day which of course he did. He thought I was a coworker and wanted to go home to see his wife! I was miserable and became a zombie most days from all night with him. My point is that now that he has been in memory care for 2 weeks he seems much better, more coherent and they say he does not try to get up at night except for one time when he did and had a fall. They now have a band around his wrist that he has to squeeze when he needs to go to bathroom at night. I am baffled about the way he has improved and now feel sad and guilty that maybe I should have hung on longer. He has more activities there than he did at home which is better but he still always tells me he wants to come home. Anyone have experience with their loved one improving in memory care?
She enjoys most of the activities and has formed friendships with several of the residents. With the structure and routine, she seems more sure of herself and has less anxiety. She is completely unaware that she needs help with all her ADLs, but she loves the staff, and I can tell they love her as well.
I used to have this idea that memory care would be a horrible place, and I used to pray for God to take her before it would be time for MC.
I remember my Mom (who was in her late 90's) asking to go home, and for a while I thought it was the house she had shared with Dad (who was still alive and living in that house). It wasn't until weeks later Mom asked "are the cows in the barn?" that I realized she was asking about her childhood home. So I had to quickly come up with therapeutic fibs such as when she asked to visit her parents, I would say "they are visiting the old country" to which Mom would smile as her parents did travel back numerous times.
Some times Mom would ask to visit one of her siblings (all of whom had passed), so I had to think quickly. Sorry Mom, Grace is working over-time to-night. Or Betty is on a trip with the church group. And Ethel is with her husband visiting his parents. Mom was happy with those answers.
It's possible that doing more mentally and physically during the day helps him to sleep more solidly at night. This was certainly true of my very elderly Aunt with advanced dementia: we started to have her fold towels and sort things during the day. She stopped needing sleep aids (which don't work after a while anyway).
Please don't feel guilty -- you didn't do anything wrong. It's all right!
He's doing better in memory care because he has professional care now and a setting that caters exactly to the needs of the residents. He has a social life, which he has probably been missing while isolated at home with you. He is accepted there for who he is NOW at this time in his life, and his behavior fits right in with that of his fellow residents, who are not looking down on him because he is "different." They're all different from the norm, and in that place, it's okay to be different.
My loved one is my beloved husband, who has thrived on being in memory care where all his needs are met by a kind and professionally trained staff. It is wonderful for him and his friends there who are all in the same boat. So yes, it is common for dementia patients to "improve" in memory care, partly because of the sense of belonging that they have there, partly because of the entertainment, socializing, and camaraderie, and also because of many other things that factor into the mix.
I have been caregiver to my parents in the past. They insisted on being able to stay at home until they died. I had great caregivers for them, but my parents would have been much better off in memory care. That's a lesson I learned too late.
And BTW, they all say they want to go home. Eventually your husband will forget about it because he IS home.
Since he is not in the place from which he used to go to work (your home), he is no longer triggered into thinking that he needs to go to work. He doesn't have his home kitchen there triggering him to want to go in and eat all night. His brain probably held a mental image of you at a different stage of life, like when you were newly-weds or when you first moved into that house, which is why he was trying to get "home" to that person.
So yes, it is very very tempting once they're doing better in memory care to think, oh this was a mistake, he's "better now" and will do well at home. But he won't. Things would collapse again very quickly.
Please look at this as proof that you made the right decision by placing him the right situation that has been so good for him, and enjoy spending time with him in this much less stressful environment. Sending you a hug of sympathy.
Dad loved the senior facility, especially the restaurant style dining, plus he was around people of his generation. The facility would have music in the afternoon, songs from his era. Dad was shy so he didn't mingle, but was very content. Eventually he had to move into Memory Care, and was happy with his "college dorm room".
Yes, it did feel like Dad had improved after moving to senior living. It was like Dad's dementia took a vacation. But after a few weeks it wore off. But I was glad Dad was around Staff who understood dementia and knew what to do if a problem arises.
Also how sweet that he was so focused on being with his wife. He loves you. He would want your health and happiness too.