Neurologist says mild cognitive decline about a year ago. He now forgets many things loses his personal items. Has lots of bad moods. Today he went to his Dr and I ask him if he asked about the type of anesthesia for upcoming surgery. He said never occurred to him. Then he was calling them but got angry beat his fist on the counter and started getting angry at me because I asked him about it. Later he came in to my room and was asking me why I got so mad. I don’t know how to deal with this behavior. He was the one who was angry.
And unless this surgery is ABSOLUTELY necessary, I would cancel it as anesthesia is known to make dementia worse, and if you're having issues already just wait until after his surgery.
Your husband will only continue to get worse, and I hate that for you. I hope you have some healthy outlets that gets you away from him for short periods, even if you have to hire someone to come stay with him while you get away, because you matter too in this equation.
Your note to us here indicates to me you do not understand what is happening to your husband. It is crucial that you DO understand it now. Your husband's dementia is worsening now, and you must be aware of what is happening.
I don't quite know what you have discussed with the neurologist about what your husband's exams mean, but they are indicative I think of a rapidly worsening condition.
I am hoping all paperwork is done for POA and that you are assuming those duties now?
I am hoping you are MPOA and can make an appointment with the neurologist to fully understand what current tests indicate, to discuss your husbands behavior, and to have some idea how long you will be able to do full time caregiving for him/how soon that will need to occur.
Your husband's anger now is a part of the disinhibition of his disease. Your own anger, I think is due to a severe lack of understanding of your husband's disease.
Please start with a talk with his doctors.
I truly am sorry and I wish you the best.
I would like to recommend to you the book just published by Bruce Willis's wife: Emma Heming Willis has written "The Unexpected Journey". While Bruce and his wife are lucky to have funds for his ongoing care, certainly that is their ONLY piece of luck in dealing with dementia. I think her early impressions, when she had no idea what was happening to him, to her, to their family, will be something you will readily identify with.
Again, I wish you all the luck, and am so sorry.
If you ever feel endangered, don't hesitate to call 911, to leave, or both.
You also need to ask about the anesthesia, since your husband didn't. Call the office or use the patient portal. The surgeon and the anesthesiologist need to be aware of your husband's cognitive decline before the surgery.
As Geaton said below, you need to go with him to his medical appointments, going forward. Your husband probably should not be driving anymore either.
I'm really sorry you're going through this. Let us know how things go.
By the time my mother scored 18 on the cognitive test, she was officially diagnosed with progressive dementia. Shortly afterward, she began introducing me as her mother. I thought she was joking around but she wasn't. Sometimes the changes are slow and other times they're very swift, you just don't know. You must accompany your husband (DH) on all of his doctor visits and stop him from driving now. Of course all general anesthesia aggravates dementia and speeds things up, so any surgeries should be carefully considered.
Let DHs doctor know about new and agitated behaviors so meds can be prescribed as needed. My mother did well on antidepressants and Ativan. Frustration is common for both of you as he forgets things and as you try to be understanding and do everything now. Run the household, drive, manage finances, keep him calm, etc. It's a LOT. You need respite from all this too. Look into hiring help to give you time away from all of it.
2 books I recommend are Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller and The 36 Hour Day which is more of a reference book for when you need to look something up. Alz.org is a good website with an 800 phone number for advice and resources.
Wishingyou the best of luck with a difficult situation.
You are not justified in striking him unless he is physically attacking you and you are doing it in self-defense.
Please do not do this. He has medically diagnosed dementia, a progressive cognitive impairment, and he cannot help himself. You are now the only person who can change. This means it is YOUR responsibility to educate yourself about dementia so that you can have more peaceful and productive interactions with him, and make decisions for his care and management that benefit the both of you. I learned a lot by watching Teepa Snow videos on YouTube.
People with dementia are often angry because the disease robs them of their memory, their reason and logic, their orientation in time and place... and it usually causes depression. A symptom of depression can be anger. I recommend you talk to either his primary doctor or neurologist about meds for this.
This means you must go with him to all his medical appointments and take notes an ask questions and follow-up because he isn't capable of doing this any more. You must take over managing the household combined finances, if you are legally able to do so.
Please contact your county's social services to see what support resources are available to him (there are some free in-home services he may qualify for).
But please, do NOT use physical violence against him. This will not help either one of you -- and you may end up being reported by someone. It is morally, ethically and legally wrong.
Is this surgery really needed? Because anesthesia can cause him to become worse. If the surgeon is not aware of his diagnoses he should be.
I have to agree, that you need to go with him to tge doctors. I hope you have POA. If so, you need to invoke it. Your husband can no longer make decisions for himself.
I'm still not really sure what his score of 17 means, but you should learn as much as you can about Alzheimers and dementia.
His behavior which you don't know how to deal with is not "normal" brain function behavior. You can not deal with him as you would normally. You need to recognize that there is some loss of brain function and he has no control of his thoughts and actions. YOU have to learn enough to take control and guide him - or "re-direct" him in a positive manner. Don't take any anger or insults personally. This person is suffering from brain loss, and they don't know how to handle it. He doesn't know how to manage his behavior toward you.
There is SO MUCH I could tell you about how to manage when someone has dementia! I'm sure there are other discussion of this topic here on this forum, which you could search. Or, ask specific questions as you go. I can answer a specific question. I have been dealing with this for 10 years with my husband.
He did not gradually lose brain function, but all at once, as a result of a massive stroke, which killed much of his brain. I had no medical training and no understanding when this happened, I had to learn along the way.
For you, or anyone else who is interested, I found this NHS England publication online which gives a lot of information as doctors are learning more about dementia and how to diagnose and treat it.
https://www.england.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/dementia-revealed-toolkit.pdf
Be prepared to be blamed for everything.
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