I am not understanding what this is all about, but he is 94, and I cannot leave him alone, that is why I now get respite in order to get other things done such as groceries. He is very hard of hearing, and many think it is only that, but there are also behavior disturbances. I am almost 91 and this is a toll on me as to how much longer can I do this. We all know of the 40% of caregivers dying before the ones they are taking care of. I think he is ready to be placed, but don't know what kind of facility.
Getting an idea of what they are like will help you to get the most out of the Social Worker visit that is coming up.
Sometimes a "sudden" drop in cognition or change in behavior can indicate an infection. UTIs are very common, mostly in women, but men can get them also. At advanced ages there isn't always the classic signs, like a fever. He could have something else going on, like a TIA. I would call an ambulance and have him go to the ER to get checked. You tell them you think he may have an infection based upon the symptoms you are seeing. From the ER you can talk to the discharge planner or social worker about having him transitioned directly into a facility -- but again, if he is a veteran it would be helpful to know if you've explored his VA options.
If you can no longer care for him at home the VA may be able to help.
If he is Hospice eligible the VA will provide care or you can use any Hospice agency that you want.
Once on Hospice he is eligible for Respite that will give you a break. (If he remains at home.)
IF he qualifies as 100% Service Connected Disability then he may be able to live in a VA facility.. BUT the wait to get in to one of the VA homes is long.
If he does not qualify at the 100% Service Connected Disability you may have to place him in a facility that the VA may not totally cover.
Another option if there is one in your area is the VA now has what they call Medical Foster Homes. A Veteran moves into one of the VA approved homes and is cared for by the people that own the home. There is a cost that the Veteran pays but it is less than what a facility would cost and he would be in a home setting.
When you talk to the VA Social Worker be very honest about your ability (or inability) to SAFELY care for him. Not just his safety but yours.
((hugs))
As for the sudden drop in cognitive decline, I would make sure your husband has a current Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) test. It is so simple for a man to do, just pee in a cup. That way you can make sure any types of behavior aren't from a UTI, which can mimic dementia. Most urgent care places can do this test and read the result a few minute later.
He is a vet, they may help him a lot more than someone who isn't a vet. But this is crazy for you to keep going around and around and everyone is placating him, saying he has hearing loss and all of the rest of it. You are just as important as he is, and I think you have to say it's time for him to be placed. The only ways to do that are to wait for an accident or crisis, and this can be brought on by him becoming agitated or threatening you. Unsafe discharge. Cannot be cared for at home, has no one there that can help him or you.
I hope you will have a speedy transition with him on this, as it's gone on for far too long. It's not fair to you.
Was your husband ever stationed near burn pits during his military service? Or was he where Agent Orange was used at any time during his military career? Check any records you may have, you might have something with dates, such as flight logs, that would point to exposure to toxins. Ask the VA social worker about this because he may qualify for extra compensation. The VA has been very helpful to my husband, whose total disabilities are presumed to be caused by Agent Orange and other service-related issues.
Memory care is definitely what your husband needs based on what you have told us. His cognitive issues can only get worse, and you wouldn't want to move him again if he goes to a place where they can't handle his cognitive needs. Also, I've only heard positive things about VA facility care.
I wish you luck.
Ask the social worker to help you get him placed at the VA - there is no better care you could buy. If the social worker doesn't help, call the local hospital yourself and ask to speak to a social worker. I did this to get my father placed there.