Unfortunately, my brother who has jad minimal interaction with my mother called her in a sundowners moment and was going to come get her from her current assisted living facility( we are in the process of moving her to memory care this weekend) and move her in with him until he could find her placement close to him… he has no idea how to care for her, no access to her meds finances, insurance etc. what can I do if he tries to show up and take her? She has since calmed down and states she going to give memory care a chance and explain this to him (if she remembers this) I have tried to reach out to him and explain. But what do you do in These situations. i have plenty of dr pcp and neurologist office notes to back my story. Suggestions? Lawyer up? I am just sick over this.
I think you should absolutely make the AL where she is right now aware of this (sadly common) situation. Institute a code if possible; a phrase/number anyone coming to the assisted living facility to get or visit your mom would use. That allows you to send someone else over if necessary, as long as that person knows not to provide this code to your brother. Also make her memory care place aware of the situation.
Once mom is safe you can calmly decide how to approach your brother about all of this. Is he just in denial? Sometimes people are so invested in the idea that the person is "just fine" and so fearful of the truth - that there is dementia, decline and death in the future that they refuse to accept reality. It is easier to blame someone or something, like you, for this turn of events rather than just feel the overwhelming sadness over the situation. That can be worked with. If this is about money, then it's a little different.
Someone wanting to "rescue" a person from an unjust or unwarranted "commitment" to a facility is an understandable thing, I think. People who haven't gone through this before are unaware of how it works, and how you can't just stick someone in a home. Not that long ago (the 80's is when it started changing) it was much easier to get someone committed against their will to a mental hospital or a nursing home. As far as your relationship with him, it may be easier to get through to him and work with him if he is just misinformed and grieving than if this is about money.
My Mom never had a phone. She never understood a cell, and even the old type phone became confusing for her. When we took her to AL and later LTC we told her she was going to a new apt where she would make new friends.
Don't see how your brother thinks he can place her somewhere else. He would need to know her finances to get her placed and you only have that info. You do not give him any financial info, POA is between you and Mom. Now she is incompetent, it just you. Same with Medical, you don't share with him. If she has a Will, do not share that info. He will receive a copy when probate is opened by the Executor assigned. If you are the Executor you duties don't come into effect until Probate gives you a short certificate.
I think what you just said was very calming. You're right. He doesn't have a way to get her info as long as the OP doesn't give it, and they don't have to give anything to anyone.
Once she's in memory care, the floor will be locked down and he can be prohibited from visiting except under your conditions. Is it possible to move her sooner than the weekend, so she'll have the additional layer of security sooner?
Talk to the facility director ASAP. Make the staff your allies in protecting her. They won't want to be liable for letting her leave with someone and then having something negative happening to her.
I can only imagine your stress. I hope you are able to prevent this. Let us know how things go.