I am smothered.
HI.my elderly father has just been diagnosed with moderate LBD.And my mother is so nervous living with him that iv no peace.Im their full time carer out of 5 of us they just calls when they like and go.But everything is down to me as I'm getting paid for it as they say.I wouldn't even go their to try and explain that I need help as I don't speak to 3 of them and it was the best thing I ever did for 7yrs iv peace of mind.But they know that their mother needs help from them, company especially when I'm gone for weekend.its like I'm getting the phone calls when anything happens at weekends I feel like giving up as its so hard on my mental state.She just wants me 24/7 with her listening to her medical problems all the time over and over I know it's sounds selfish but I get total drained.My mother said I can have a life when we're dead..At this rate I could be gone before them.I luv my parents totally do anything for them but it's just getting harder and harder since my dad diagnoses my mum afraid to be on her own with him,I'm only 7mins away from the house..My mum said I should be jumping hoops for her when she needs me..I'm jumping alright I'm looper from her.
40% of caregivers caring for someone with dementia will die before the one they're caring for from stress related issues. Please don't let that be you.
So I will recommend that you give your parents a 2 weeks notice that you will no longer be doing their caregiving and that you'll be going back to a job of your choice, and to the life of your choice. You DO NOT have to wait for either parent to die before you can live the life that you desire. You can do that today.
So start looking for a job that you will enjoy and give your 2 weeks notice TODAY.
You can help, but there are limits. It’s up to you to create and enforce what those limits will be. This is especially important as you live only 7 minutes away,
Your mental well-being matters.
Your parents need a higher level of care that you can no longer provide.
Stop being so available. Trust me, when you step down, someone will step up to take your place. I'm speaking from experience.
Don't look for siblings to help. As long as they can find one person to dump this on, they are more than happy to take an exit. You ask for help from them, and they will come up with more excuses than someone trying to avoid going to jail.
Stop accepting money from your mother. It is probably not that much to begin with. Later on, it may pose a problem for you if your parents need Medicaid in the near future for placement.
Your father needs now to be in care. Perhaps that would be the best move for both of them. But at this point I believe they shouldn't be alone.
You won't change others in your family. You first wrote us almost exactly a year ago, and I know that after at least a year of all this you understand that.
Your parents need now several shifts of several people on each for their safety and well being. I am so sorry you are left in charge of all of this but that seems to be the case. I wish you the very best.