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Hi. I was here before with my elderly parents. Both only recently out of hospital. My mother is driving me nuts, she won't let the carers wash her unless it's on her terms and in the morning. She gives up on everything. I enjoyed my break while she was in hospital. When I visited she acting up. My poor father is no bother and he's got dementia, it's so hard with her. Even her carers couldn't believe the way she was speaking to them and me that does everything bloody single thing for them.As my siblings do feck all. That I cleared them from the house with their stupid 1hr visit when it suits them. I'm so fed up and feel suicidal some days. I can't walk out on them as they need my support. I'm just so, so lost.

Mary, you asked about this over a year ago and we all said that you should leave, stop taking your mother's abuse, and let them go into a facility. Please do that now! Follow the lead of your siblings, who value themselves enough to not get caught up in the abuse.

If you have POA for them, make arrangements right now to get them both placed in a memory care facility. You can use their money and sell their house to pay for it. If you don't have POA, call Adult Protective Services and tell them that you will be moving out on X date (as soon as possible), that they can't live on their own, and that APS will need to make arrangements for them.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO THIS. They need support, but it DOES NOT have to be you. Please realize that you matter and that you deserve to have a peaceful life of your own.
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Reply to MG8522
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First off please talk with someone if you are really feeling suicidal. They want to talk with you and help you. In the US call 988. In Ireland Samaritans (http://www.samaritans.org/) is a registered charity aimed at providing emotional support to anyone in distress or at risk of suicide throughout Ireland. It can be reached by texting HELLO to 50808.

I guessed Ireland from "feck all" but if you're outside the US it might help us give you better advice to know that.

You are not trapped forever, you have options, you can choose to save yourself. If you're in the US, do you have POA for either or both parents? Does anyone? Let us know how we can help, there are so many helpful people on here.
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Reply to Slartibartfast
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Yes by all means call 988 if you're truly suicidal, or whatever number is available where you live.
You say that you can't walk out on them as they need your support, but in reality they DO NOT need your hands on support as support from afar is much better especially when one is wanting to kill oneself from the stress of everything.
Your siblings were the smart ones here and I'm sure we told you that before, so I'm not sure why you haven't gotten smart like them and come for just a 1 hour visit once month or so instead of being abused by your mother. And if she has caregivers there during the day why do you have to be there? Your parents can pay for the full-time they require with their own money or they can pay to go into a care facility so you can get back to just being their daughter and not their burned out, suicildal caregiver.
It sounds like you're living with your parents as well so move out ASAP, take a good respite and then find you a job you enjoy and take your life back. You're the only one who can make the changes necessary to take your life back and I do hope that you will start those changes today.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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I too thought the "feck all" meant you were from the UK. Our health system and services are different from the US. You need to get them both in care. Our agencies for help is Office of Aging and Adult protection services we can turn to.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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