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She has no savings. Has to pay caregiver. $20/hr, $300/mo visa bill, groceries utilities, taxes. She hasn’t found a skilled nursing facility she likes. She planned on selling her home to pay for that. She is very particular. So I’m loaning her money every month and she normally pays it back but recently it has been more borrowing and less paying back. What to do?

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Since she has options for where to go and an ability to pay by selling her house, you can stop lending her money without guilt. That will actually help her by prompting her to made a decision and get the long-term plan underway.
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Flyhigh53 Dec 10, 2024
Thank you!
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Please stop lending her money. As you can see it is unsustainable and you will probably never see that money again -- no matter what she promises.

She's the one that needs to take the risk, not you. She needs to find a place and then sell her house. Do not give her another penny.

She is 75 yrs old and should know how to budget by now. You can help her find out what social services are available to her. If she's bedbound and cannot use a wheelchair then she probably is a candidate for LTC which can be covered by Medicaid plus her SS income. She needs to first sell her house and go into a good facility on private pay. Then, when her money is a few months from running out she applies for Medicaid and can stay in the same facility as long as she checked first to ensure they accept Medicaid recipients.

I feel sorry for her caregiver because eventually she won't get paid, either.
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Flyhigh53 Dec 10, 2024
Thank you!
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I think that you as an adult can decide what best to do about someone you loan money to, who doesn't pay it back.

Please refer this woman in need to APS or family members who might be able to help her with future needs.

Best out to you; clearly you have a good heart, but your head needs to tell you that it will take you a LIFETIME of careful saving and good luck to be able to afford not to be in this poor woman's position in future.

Good luck.
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Flyhigh53 Dec 10, 2024
Thank you. True.
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Stop enabling a user. That is what you do.
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Flyhigh53 Dec 10, 2024
You’re right!
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What does your cousins weight have to do with you loaning her money? She can join the club since 40.3% of adults in the USA are obese, and 12.9% are severely obese. Americans sure love super sized portions, drive thru windows and grazing on snacks.

Stop loaning your cousin money she's not paying back. That's giving her money when she owns a home she can sell. That's my suggestion.
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Flyhigh53 Dec 10, 2024
I needed to hear this. Thank you.
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IMO you need to stop supporting this untenable situation. She needs to get on with the next phase of her life, which is finding a facility where she can be cared for and selling her home to pay for it. I am mystified as to why you started loaning her money in the first place. It just puts off the inevitable.
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Flyhigh53 Dec 14, 2024
She inherited her home from her mom and $300,000 from an aunt so she decided to remodel the home. Unfortunately she was scammed by the contractor and it took five years to finish. She had to borrow to pay a new contractor. When she moved in, I was happy for her then health emergency , hospital,& nursing home. She had physical therapy and it was dreadfully painful. The staff said she shouldn’t live alone. I don’t have any say over what she does and she went back home. You’re right. I never should have loaned her money. It did delay the inevitable. Thank you for your response.
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Lending her money is allowing her to say ‘no, not good enough’ to the only options she really has. Start asking her to repay the existing debt. Almost everyone will grasp any excuse to avoid going into care. Your ‘loans’ are her excuses. Putting financial pressure on her will speed up her making a sensible choice.
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Flyhigh53 Dec 14, 2024
Thank you!
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With the cost of living the way it is now to last year its not a budgeting problem its everything has gone up. I would tell hwr since she is not paying you back you can't afford to support her either. She needs to make a decision. Sell her house and dowsize to an apartment or go into LTC. Its not fair to you if she had options. I may call Officebof Aging and allow them to evaluate her situation.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Flyhigh53 Dec 14, 2024
Thank you, you’re right. I will call and see what they say.
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How is she able to find a SNF that she likes when she is bedbound? Something is fishy with this explanation. Also if she is selling her home, how can she vacate during a showing? Logic is missing.
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Reply to MACinCT
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Flyhigh53 Dec 14, 2024
I know,right?! I visit facilities she would call and she reads all the reviews. So if she sees 4 stars, she won’t consider it. And if she did find what she liked she would need a bridge loan to cover Skilled nursing monthly payments while her house would be on the market. I did tell her I’m not loaning her any more $. She understood. 🤞🤞🤞 thank you.
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