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My wife already has POA and takes care of bill paying (anything math related) Is an assessment required ? She is extremely hard headed and difficult and would not readily agree to an evaluation. Suggestions please.

If you take her to a lawyer if the lawyer feels during a conversation with her that she is unable to make an informed decision the lawyer will not take her as a client. If she has seen this lawyer in the past he/she will tell mom that he is unable to make changes.

As to an assessment....
Because we are in the "Open enrollment" time for insurance you can tell mom that an annual Medicare exam is required to keep her insurance. Typically a mini mental exam is done. If you inform the doctor in advance that you suspect problems they may refer for further testing.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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I agree with Grandma1954. Your wife needs to read her PoA document to make sure she only needs 1 medical diagnosis from 1 doctor (some people put in 2...ugh!)

Yes to the therapeutic fiblet strategy. I've done this with both my MIL and my own 95-yr old Mom when getting her assessed to stop driving and also discretely telling her doc that I need a diagnosis on clinic letterhead that is signed in order to manage her affairs and get her appropriate care. Usually the doc and staff are happy to accommodate this. Your wife must go into the appointments with her (offer to hold her coat/purse, take notes because docs say a lot and talk fast, etc).

Once you have the eval or diagnosis in writing your MIL won't be able to make any changes.

I was able to get the written diagnosis for my Mom this past summer. I escorted her down to FL to visit her 105-yr old sister for over a month. I caught her packing her PoA, Will, car title into her suitcase. When I asked why she would do this she coily said, "Oh, I may want to change something." But I already had the written diagnosis so even if she re-packed it anything she changed would not be legally valid. I also called the FL caregivers (my cousins) in advance to warn them to not help her find any phone numbers of lawyers or to drive her there.

If your MIL has memory issues then whenever the topic of changing her Will comes up, you can redirect the conversation, distract her or pretend you got a phone call and just walk away. Do this every time she brings it up. If she has "capacity" to change her Will then she gets to do everything it involves: finding the lawyer, making and keeping the appointment, getting transportation there -- without your wife's involvement.
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Reply to Geaton777
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An attorney will evaluate your mother in so far as her ability to change any will. We do not have to be fully without dementia or memory in order to change a will. We simply have to meet the legal definition of mental competency.

When you take mom to discuss with an attorney you will explain that you currently manage executive functions for her because of memory problems, but that she would like to change things in her will and you will count on him to examine her for mental competence under the law to do so.

At some point it will be necessary to have exam for competence in order to get your POA activated so as to protect mom from herself if she loses capacity. So call APS and ask them how you would go about conservatorship if you wish to have it and fear your mother now needs it.

Your mother is also of an age where at any point she may end hospitalized for one thing and another. As POA that is your opportunity to call in Hospitalist and Social Workers to ask for neuro-psyc evaluation while hospitalized. What mom wants and doesn't want at some point will become irrelevant. It will be about protecting her and keeping her safe if she fails.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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