Like I said, I've been married for 43 years a year and a half ago my mother-in-law moved in with us she instantly started taking or trying to take control of our home, but now me and my husband are going for a divorce after she moved in because she was constantly complaining about me to him. She is 88 years old and my husband is taking her side when she is destroying our marriage. What can I do? and my husband refuses to have her move out she lived with her daughter-in-law and did the same thing to her daughter that she is doing to my husband about me if that makes sense. I just need help. She's driving me crazy I'm going insane and my husband blames me for everything because they lie to each other. He won't tell her the truth and she lies to him for him to hate me. Please help.
I know this doesn't address what you really want, which is to have your MIL leave and your marriage to be rescued. That may be possible but the unfortunate truth is that you need to look out for yourself financially in case that doesn't happen.
I am very, very sorry this is happening to you.
I don't know how else we can help you.
I'm so sorry you've been put in such a horrible situation to begin with. Hit him where it hurts the most....in his pocketbook...and he may finally see his mommy isn't as fantastic as he thought when he's sleeping alone at night.
I don't think anyone can help this marriage, sadly. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Meet with an attorney, figure out where to go from here and start your new independent life.
You deserve a man who puts you before his mother, and apparently that man is not your husband, so cut your losses and get on with living and enjoying your life.
And take that A-hole of a husband of yours for every penny he has in your divorce.
The fact that she ruined her other son's marriage speaks volumes. There is a pattern here. Pay a visit to your SIL and talk to her.
Then you get right in your MIL's face and tell her she had better stop lying and complaining to your husband otherwise you will see her put out onto the street. That after 43 years of marriage any divorce lawyer worth his salt will take her son to the cleaners then both him and her will be in the street. You can beat her at her own game and she is playing a game. A very popular one when MIL's try to compete with DIL's for the son/husband's affections. In this game the MIL ALWAYS loses and here's why. Either her son gets completely alienated from her, or he divorces his wife (who takes everything) and ends up resenting mom for ruining his life and his marriage. Please show her this post. I had two husbands and believe me in situations like this, the MIL always loses one way or another.
Talk to the divorce lawyer and get advice.
My grandmother moved in with my parents. My mother put her foot down. Granddad called from North Carolina and got on grandma's case. He sent money for grandma to get a bus ticket and get her tail back home. The entire family saw grandma off on her Greyhound bus headed back to NC.
If you are doing the cleaning, cooking and bill paying, you don't owe these folks an explanation about your stance.
You are the "Woman of the House." And not mil.
My father had a wise old saying:
'One Queen in a hive'.
He was right because women are much like bees he used to say. In the hive there is one Queen. If another tries to take over they fight to the death. In a house, pretty much the same thing. There's the man of the house and there's the lady of the house. There cannot be two women. Men can do it and get along, but not women.
Probably not the point now but that should not have happened in the first place.
Honestly I think at this point if you are already "going for a divorce" it might be a bit late. But here goes.
This is on your husband.
If she has been badmouthing you, complaining about you he should have put a stop to it IMMEDIATELY telling her that if she was not going to be kind, grateful then she could find someplace else to live. The fact that he let this continue I see him as a man with no backbone and one that will always side with mama. (Has he always been a mama's boy...think about it going back all those years)
Go ahead...see a GOOD divorce lawyer. DO NOT talk to him about it just go.. Protect YOUR assets. Let him live with his mommy and see how well he does taking care of her....and finding someone to care for him when he needs help
By the way I am not one to jump to the divorce "solution" but this does not bode well.. then again it might be the awakening that your husband needs to realize you are not going to take the abuse any longer.
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