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Like I said, I've been married for 43 years a year and a half ago my mother-in-law moved in with us she instantly started taking or trying to take control of our home, but now me and my husband are going for a divorce after she moved in because she was constantly complaining about me to him. She is 88 years old and my husband is taking her side when she is destroying our marriage. What can I do? and my husband refuses to have her move out she lived with her daughter-in-law and did the same thing to her daughter that she is doing to my husband about me if that makes sense. I just need help. She's driving me crazy I'm going insane and my husband blames me for everything because they lie to each other. He won't tell her the truth and she lies to him for him to hate me. Please help.

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A man that chooses his mother over his wife, especially a wife of many years, is not much of a man. I’m sorry you’re being treated so poorly. I hope you’ll not lift another finger to help your evil mother-in-law and you’ll find an excellent lawyer to represent you. After such a long marriage you will have many rights, take advantage of it all.
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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We can't help you except to point out this is a marriage problem and your husband is a Mama's boy. You are #2 and always were. The divorce may be the best thing to ever happen to you. You get rid of 2 jerks at once. Now for a fresh start! Begin by going to therapy and identifying healthy boundaries. I wish you all the best going forward.
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Reply to Geaton777
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I'm sorry to say, you need to find a good divorce attorney immediately. Don't tell your husband. Get the attorney to represent you specifically. Gather as much of your financial information as you can to take to the first meeting. You need to protect yourself as much as possible because it is the two of them against you, and he will be, unfortunately, looking to take care of her financially as well as himself. If you have an income or money of your own that your husband has access to, cut off his access as much as possible. Monitor any shared accounts daily to prevent him from transferring the money out and leaving you stranded. If your MIL has her own money, she may spend it to help him against you.

I know this doesn't address what you really want, which is to have your MIL leave and your marriage to be rescued. That may be possible but the unfortunate truth is that you need to look out for yourself financially in case that doesn't happen.

I am very, very sorry this is happening to you.
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Reply to MG8522
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If your husband is acting like this after 4 decades of marriage, then he MUST want a divorce. Take him to the cleaners. Find the best, most ruthless divorce lawyer you can and take as much as possible from the bum.

I don't know how else we can help you.

I'm so sorry you've been put in such a horrible situation to begin with. Hit him where it hurts the most....in his pocketbook...and he may finally see his mommy isn't as fantastic as he thought when he's sleeping alone at night.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Beedevil66 Mar 28, 2026
She did the same to her daughter in law? So her other son may be the same as the OPs soon to be ex husband?
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Do you do anything for her, like cooking, laundry, caregiving, cleaning? If so, stop. Same for your husband. He and she can take care of all of their own needs with no assistance from you. Maybe if your husband has to take care of his mother's needs completely on his own, he'll see that she is not such a bargain. If she needs any care during the day that you are providing, he can take time off from work or his golfing or however he spends his time. Don't drive her or shop for her. Nothing.
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Reply to MG8522
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I'm sorry to say, Tiquto, your husband has made up his mind that his relationship with his mother is more important than his relationship with you. Did he even consult with you before moving his mother in with you?

I don't think anyone can help this marriage, sadly. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Meet with an attorney, figure out where to go from here and start your new independent life.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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This obviously and sadly is more of a marriage issue than a MIL issue. Pack up your bags and leave, and tell hubby and his mom to live happily ever after.
You deserve a man who puts you before his mother, and apparently that man is not your husband, so cut your losses and get on with living and enjoying your life.
And take that A-hole of a husband of yours for every penny he has in your divorce.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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You tell your husband if he doesn't know you and what kind of good person you are after 43 years of marriage, he can take his instigating, trouble-making, entitled, control freak mother and get the hell out. Meet with a divorce lawyer and see what your options are. The house is jointly owned by the two of you. Your MIL has no stake in that. Serve her with eviction. Talk to the lawyer about it first though.

The fact that she ruined her other son's marriage speaks volumes. There is a pattern here. Pay a visit to your SIL and talk to her.

Then you get right in your MIL's face and tell her she had better stop lying and complaining to your husband otherwise you will see her put out onto the street. That after 43 years of marriage any divorce lawyer worth his salt will take her son to the cleaners then both him and her will be in the street. You can beat her at her own game and she is playing a game. A very popular one when MIL's try to compete with DIL's for the son/husband's affections. In this game the MIL ALWAYS loses and here's why. Either her son gets completely alienated from her, or he divorces his wife (who takes everything) and ends up resenting mom for ruining his life and his marriage. Please show her this post. I had two husbands and believe me in situations like this, the MIL always loses one way or another.

Talk to the divorce lawyer and get advice.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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Sounds like to me is that you need to put MIL and your husband in their places. Tell them both off. Stand your ground. She doesn't get to dictate or demand anything from you.

My grandmother moved in with my parents. My mother put her foot down. Granddad called from North Carolina and got on grandma's case. He sent money for grandma to get a bus ticket and get her tail back home. The entire family saw grandma off on her Greyhound bus headed back to NC.

If you are doing the cleaning, cooking and bill paying, you don't owe these folks an explanation about your stance.

You are the "Woman of the House." And not mil.
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Reply to Scampie1
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BurntCaregiver Apr 1, 2026
@Scampie

My father had a wise old saying:

'One Queen in a hive'.

He was right because women are much like bees he used to say. In the hive there is one Queen. If another tries to take over they fight to the death. In a house, pretty much the same thing. There's the man of the house and there's the lady of the house. There cannot be two women. Men can do it and get along, but not women.
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Can I ask why she moved in?
Probably not the point now but that should not have happened in the first place.
Honestly I think at this point if you are already "going for a divorce" it might be a bit late. But here goes.
This is on your husband.
If she has been badmouthing you, complaining about you he should have put a stop to it IMMEDIATELY telling her that if she was not going to be kind, grateful then she could find someplace else to live. The fact that he let this continue I see him as a man with no backbone and one that will always side with mama. (Has he always been a mama's boy...think about it going back all those years)
Go ahead...see a GOOD divorce lawyer. DO NOT talk to him about it just go.. Protect YOUR assets. Let him live with his mommy and see how well he does taking care of her....and finding someone to care for him when he needs help

By the way I am not one to jump to the divorce "solution" but this does not bode well.. then again it might be the awakening that your husband needs to realize you are not going to take the abuse any longer.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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