My hubby after 8 months of being sober and almost dying in the hospital last November, started drinking again about 4 days now.
The doc just informed him that the part of his liver that is not scarred looked to be doing ok, this was before he decided to drink.
He has a huge umbilical hernia and just said he was scared, because it was hard to push in and hurt for a while. He says it’s not hurting now, but I think it is. I said let’s go to the hospital, all he said was no, I’ll get Covid-19.
All he’s ate today is a McGriddle from McDonald’s lol, but says he’s not hungry. He’s just drinking beer, but seems to have a lot of congestion he keeps spitting up.
I’m scared, because I don’t know how to help him. He’s being cordial but just does not look right. He has not taken his medication for going on 4 days now, even when I try to tell him to.
POST AND DNR FORMS SHOULD BE IN PLACE.
LIVING TRUST AND/OR WILL SHOULD BE IN PLACE.
LOVE AND COMPASSION SHOULD BE IN PLACE.
911 cannot help him, if he does not want to be helped. If it is physical, perhaps he doesn't have the physical energy to help himself through that process.
feed him water. and if he feels he needs the taste of beer, well, put a spot in it for him to taste. after reading this, I need to slow down too, and stop the fast food. The fast food is slowing me down too. Nothing in my kitchen is fresh from the garden... :( except my lemon tree. I do use those in my water everyday. If yo see a lemon tree in your neighborhood with actual fruit, stop, knock on door and ask for a couple.. they seem to help me a bit. I met a lot of people by giving the fruit that is covering that tree...
You don't know how to go to your private messages. There is no reason I cannot post here for you, as I know the feeling. I am still learning my way around the page after more than a year.
Gina, is your husband still entirely rational? Is this the reason you are not "taking things into your own hands" and calling 911? Or do you not understand that your husband may be now ACTIVELY dying? Have you asked your Husband "Hon, do you want me to call 911 if I cannot arouse you; if I believe that you are dying".
You say that your husband said "They cannot do anything" if he goes to ER. Indeed, that may be the case. IF that is the case then your Doctor will order hospice. There should be paperwork called a POLST in place so ambulance drivers don't attempt to resuscitate (if legal in your state).
But it is time for all of you, husband, you and doctor, to talk about all of this and make decisions.
It is time to face the fact that your husband may be dying of his cirrhosis. There is nothing that we on forum can do to help you. You must have the help and advice of medical care whatever the decisions are. If you knowingly allow a dying person to simply die you could be accused of neglect. This is what we are trying to prevent for you. I think it unlikely, with his history, and the way he will "present" now (look).....but it is a possibility. And it may leave you questioning yourself as to what you "should have/could have done".
I am so relieved you have an appointment today. However, if anything happens to prevent this "appointment" you must call 911 and have your husband taken to the hospital. (With your description of late I can't imagine how you will get him to an appointment at this time). THERE they will document his refusal for treatment even if such decision does indeed take him more quickly.
We are all on the Forum worried for you both. Our thoughts are with you. We wish you both only the best that can be.
Gina, you keep asking for suggestions.
We keep telling you to call 911.
Why won't you do that?
You husband is dying. He is suffering from insufficient oxygen to his brain. He is not thinking clearly. YOU need to be the one in charge now.
You have 2 choices. One is to call a local hospice organization. They will send someone to examine him. The other is to call 911 and have the EMTs examine him.
I would certainly fear not doing anything and allowing him to die unattended. If he dies with no evidence of medical care, you will be asked why you didn't summon care for him.
You don't talk your husband into letting you call for help. YOU call for help.
There is a hospice organization in Hesperia called Amazing Grace Hospice.
Call the doc in the AM and ask "Is it time to call hospice if my husband won't go to the hospital?"
(((((((Hugs))))))))
I just read that your husband has an appointment with his primary doctor on Thursday. Call that doctor tomorrow-Wednesday and tell him what is happening and why your husband does not want to go to the hospital and ask that the doctor to see your husband on Wednesday. Don't wait until Thursday to see the doctor. Your husband's condition is too critical to wait.
Take a look at what I wrote on July 22nd about my Dad and how he died. What you describe in your reply to Shane sounds just like my Dad prior to his collapsing at home.
Your husband is right--that this stage of his illness, there is very little that the doctors can do--except to extend his life for a few more days or hours. (Or make him more comfortable by giving him some pain medications.)
Unfortunately if your husband does not want to go to the hospital then you are going to have to wait until he does collapse, like my Dad did, and then you will be able to call 911. They will do everything they can to save your husband, The paramedics and EMTs will have to perform CPR on your husband when they are called.
I wish that I could take away your anguish and worry and fear, but I cannot. All you can do now is let nature take its course and let your husband die as he wishes--at home.
Have you talked with hospice yet? You should talk with your doctor about hospice tomorrow ASAP if your husband is still alive then. I know that I sound gruesome, but your husband is actively dying and could die within the next 24 hours (based on what you wrote).
Lots of HUGS 💖 and Prayers!!! 🙏
I’m sorry you are going through this. Your husband is an alcoholic (Per your post prior to this). He has been diagnosed with alcoholic cirrhosis. He should not be drinking at all.
Alcoholism is a disease that effects the entire family. I’ve seen too many of these cases as a nurse. The CG struggles with the patients bad decisions. I feel you are a caring individual who is stuck in an awful situation. You love your husband and want him to get better. But his addiction is in the way.
His liver is dying. Liver tissue does not regenerate. Hubby drinking alcohol is gradually but surely killing off the rest of his liver.
I recommend Al-Anon for you to provide support to an alcoholic who is actively in the process of killing himself. Alcoholism is a disease in itself. The alcoholic has no control over his choices and will continue to make bad decisions due to alcohol addiction. Until your hubby wants to stop drinking there is not much you can do except find support for yourself and your well being.
Best wishes to you. Please take care of yourself too.
I wanted to ask another question, you are so wonderful to give me information. My husband will not stop drinking beer because he says he doesn’t want to shock his body. However when he drinks it, he immediately spits up the foam every single time. His bowel movements are never solid and always has a little bit of blood. He says it’s a bleeding hemorrhoid and hurts him all the time, says it stings and burns. His stomach is huge I’m thinking ascites. Idk, he is supposed to get a Kat scan per his GI doctor, but doesn’t think he needs it. And as of yesterday his feet started swelling. I have a numerous amount of times indicated that I want to take him to emergency, but he says there is nothing they can do. I do not understand why he won’t let me take him in. All he says is he doesn’t want to catch covid or die in the hospital. He sleeps a lot during the day and up most of the night. He does have a primary appointment on Thursday, where I’m hoping he tells his doctor everything that is happening. His umbilical hernia is bulging out of his belly button area and ripping through causing it to bleed as well. I am so distraught because I want to help him, but he keeps telling me not to worry and I do. :(
His oxygen is up and down, but going down again. The last time I took it, it was 71. His pulse 78 that was earlier today.
He is very agitated over everything, and wants to sleep.
He still wants to eat, which is good and he doesn't look jaundice. His stomach looks bigger.
I am preparing for the worst, but hoping for the best.
You really need some guidance from a medical professional.
Suggesting again that you reach out to get hospice involved.
I apologize for taking so long to get back. So on my husband’s blood test it looks like his liver is showing good levels which is amazing. It’s still very scarred and we know that that will not ever heal. He has slow down actually almost nothing on drinking beer and his blood pressure and oxygen are pretty much normal for the past few days. I think it’s because he wasn’t taking his medication not just the lactulose but also his regular pills and that was probably messing with him.
i just took his BP again and it was 130/81, with an oxygen 79, when he lays down his oxygen is even lower.
you know he needs medical help-and you don’t want to for whatever reason
you should call someone who is willing to help him
Does he have family? Friends?
You can call an ambulance all day and the person requiring medical attention can refuse help, every time, until they are unconscious or out of their heads.
To imply that she is letting him sit there to die is just wrong on so many levels that I can't just ignore your post.
Some people are not so easy to help.
I promise, your husband is not the first patient they've responded to that says they won't go to the hospital. They can usually be very persuasive. I have seen them talk the most stubborn person into an ambulance. You won't lose anything by calling them, and then if, heaven forbid, something happens to your husband, at least you know you did everything you could.
The day he died, Dad's pulse was 88 irregular, respirations were 36 and he had to raise his shoulders to help him breathe better, and BP was 154/92 (according to records Dad & Mom kept at home for doctor's information). He and Mom had just finished eating supper in their bedroom. Mom took the dishes back to the kitchen. She heard a loud thud, ran to the bedroom and found Dad lying on the floor. She called 911. Since they lived in a small town, the police arrived in seconds and started CPR. Mom was horrified watching the policeman and then the EMTs push on her husband's chest. They transferred him to the ER and continue CPR until I arrived 30+ minutes later. Mom did not want to tell the doctor to stop the CPR, so I had to tell the doctor to stop CPR and then Dad "officially" died. For the rest of her life, Mom could not talk about Dad's death without sobbing uncontollably and reliving his receiving CPR and watching his lifeless body being carried through the garage to the ambulance.
Unfortunately, unless you can get your husband to go to the hospital, you might be experiencing a similar scenario when your husband dies at home.
Edit: My Dad knew that he was dying and he did not want to die in the hospital connected to tubes and wires because he knew nothing that the doctors were going to do would help him get better--maybe live alittle longer in pain and misery. He wanted to die at home...and he did.
The reason that his oxygen level is going lower when he is laying down is because his lungs and heart are having to work harder to push the blood through his blood vessels. Also, he is not able to expand his lungs as much as when he is sitting up. Your husband needs to be in a reclining or sitting position with his legs elevated.
How much lasix were you able to get your husband to take? He needs at least 40 mg now!!!
I agree with Barb that the O2 saturation is much more important than what his pulse rate is.
His very low Oxygen number tells us that things have gone very wrong. Has the doc called you back yet?
I maybe overstepping this forum but
if those BP and O2 levels are correct-you know how bad that is and you need to get him care-
is anyone there -a neighbour or friend that can help you?
this could be awful and he is still drinking according to you
-you have been told by others that he is likely going to have a stroke or HA
and your not reacting rationally -Are you in denial?
you are watching this man drink and puke frothy spittle and eat meatloaf with a 180+ BP And low oxygen
as if that’s a normal night-it shouldn’t be
You have reached out on this forum and have been told how much damage is potentially happening to his body And what may happen by people with experience in these situations -
i don’t understand why you are acting the way you are but he needs medical help
Although he stated he will not go to the hospital, call 911 anyway. You never know. The EMS may convince him and he just may go.
You can not just sit back and do nothing. Don't neglect him. Do your part. I know it is hard but be strong and do the right thing NOW.
Keep telling us what is going on, too. We care!
Based on what you are telling us, it sounds like your husband might be experiencing a combination of several problems: (A) congestive heart failure—symptoms include spitting up phlegm that looks like foam, shortness of breathe, chronic cough or wheezing, edema, nausea or lack of appetite, a high heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and confusion or impaired thinking. (B) ASCITES--which is fluid inside the abdomen. Symptoms include weight gain, shortness of breath, abdominal swelling, sense of fullness or bloating, sense of heaviness, indigestion, nausea or vomiting and changes to the belly button. (C) O2 Sat of 80% caused by both (A) & (B).
It is possible that your husband is not thinking properly because he is not getting enough oxygen to his brain—even tho he is lucid. If his O2 Sat continues in the low 80s, he will start to experience organ damage or organ shut down. He will either have a heart attack and require CPR or have a stroke.
Does your husband take any diuretics such as Lasix (furmoside)? If you can get him to take his diuretic, it might help get some of the fluid out of his lungs, heart and abdomen.
Have you contacted your husband’s doctor and told him what you are telling us? Is your husband receiving oxygen?
I know that it is difficult to watch someone get worse and refuse to do something about it. The COVID-19 excuse might be covering your husband’s fear of dying and by not acknowledging that he needs to go to the ER, then your husband can avoid thinking of dying.
Please keep us updated on your husband’s condition. Prayers 🙏
Bp 171/110
Oxygen 82 pulse 73 @ 9:02 pm
Bp 178/95
Oxygen 79 pulse 93 @10:10 pm
7/21/20
Bp 184/97 @8:45am
Oxygen 80 pulse 90
Bp 131/87 oxygen 81 @1:32pm
so I’m glad his bp went down however his oxygen is still at 81, he doesn’t really seem confused. He did finally have a little homemade meatloaf, which made me happy. He still looks bloated but does not look like any edema praise God. Still drinking beer.
Are you simply going to listen to what he tells you he does or doesn't want? If so, that's just FINE, but then you don't need us to tell you other things to do.
The headache is from the elevated BP; he's most likely going to stroke out and then perhaps you'll be handling someone who is totally bed bound and double incontinent. If that's what you are up for, then don't call for help.
Look we are all going to die one way or the other; I think that dying should be comfortable and not a terrible thing for our loved ones to watch. That's why I suggested that you get in touch with his doctor to get a hospice evaluation started, because your husband doesn't appear to want any more interventions. And I can understand that.
Just call his doc and talk to her/him and see what they say.
call Dr
he could have a stroke
just call
He’s not thinking clearly so you need to
I can’t get him to go to hospital or doctor, he is lucid but looks bloated, all he wants is beer no food, and I asked him if he was ok, he said with the exception of a pulled muscle on his upper right chest, a broken tooth and a headache he is ok. He said his hernia only hurts when it’s pushed out of his belly button area, it’s sooooo big
I would tell him if he loved me and wanted to be with me longer, then he needs to go get the care he needs.