I want to comfort them. One man I have developed a relationship with slightly. He forgets me every time, but we have fun somewhat. He wants out, wants help, wants to be home. I don't think he should ever be left in that bed because he will get bed sores. When they don't get him out of bed all day, he yells louder at night. The man down the hall tells him to shut up and gets into the words of hate to try to stop him from yelling.
It is not kind to any of us to ignore these people that need attention of some sort, especially those that yell REAL loud.
I am afraid to go hold their hands thinking that they won't let go.
I have helped this man who yells loudly to stop losing his food on his shirt and floor. I put the tray up closer to his shirt, but one day a worker with an attitude stopped me and pulled the tray away as if I wasn't to help at all. The bosses of her said it was okay that I help this man.
Obviously I have no dementia. A few people here don't. After all, on the weekends is when very few people show up to be of help. Shouldn't this nursing home welcome any help they get?
This does not sound like a good nursing home. It is not acceptable for staff to ignore cries for help. If/when you see relative of the man who is left in bed all day, you definitely should inform them. You are a kind soul.
In all of FIL's rehab visits - and they have been numerous - (there have been at least 15 that I can remember) - they have all been shared facilities with nursing homes. And I cannot remember a single one that did not have at least one resident that did not yell for help multiple times throughout each visit, that did it because they had dementia or ALZ, not because they genuinely needed emergent help.
Unfortunately - when people have Dementia or ALZ or other mental illnesses even - this is not uncommon. And while it is very sweet of you to be concerned, it is also impossible for them to respond to every single cry like that. And they KNOW which residents do that and which ones don't. They aren't ignoring pleas for actual help. Not really. And there may be other things going on that you are not privy to that may also be going on.
If you want to help - and I find that commendable - you may want to ask the staff what you can do to be helpful to both the residents and to them. What things you can do to be of a comfort to the other residents, that won't get in the way of the staff or interfere with protocols that may be in place for certain residents.
As far as less help on the weekends - that is very common in nursing homes. It is much easier to find staff who want to work during the week. Even 3rd shift. Far more difficult to find staff who really wants to work consistently on weekends.
Remember that the staff there are doing their best to provide balanced and consistent care to a large number of people with a wide spectrum of needs. And they can't be everywhere at once. And just because something looks one way - it doesn't mean it actually is. And honestly - I'm not really sure what you are expecting them to do about the people who are yelling. They can't make them stop. And they don't actually need help. Short of sedating them 24 hours a day, which I don't think they can do, they are doing what they can do - which is to let them live in peace in the home they live in. And it is very unfortunate that it disturbs other residents. But it is also unfortunately part of the disease.
It's sad, but it sort of like a crying baby when you've fed, burped, changed, checked their temp, sang, cuddled, rocked them. You're out of 'help' options to try. So you ensure they are safe & just hope they settle.
I think you helping is great. You have a great heart and should continue to spread support.
Often, in advanced dementia, the mind goes in a sort of circular and repetitive journey in which some certain sentences such as "help me, help me", or "take me home, take me home" become a sort of litany that the person him or herself is almost not aware of. Some have more complete sentences building to a paragraph, or even a short "story" of their life: one they repeat over and over again.
That you are attempting to be helpful to others is lovely, and I would imagine that MOST workers appreciate it, but it's typical of nursing home staff that they are often understaffed and overwhelmed, especially at bath time or meal time or bed time.
It's kind of you to provide what solace you can to others; I imagine it was always your way throughout your life. I wish you the very best. I would imagine many there are grateful for your kindness.
If you can give your friend some comfort, you are doing a great job. But think carefully, and talk to the staff, before deciding that your friend is being mistreated.
My own sister was in hospital very recently, and had a guy like this across the corridor from her. Her reaction was that he shouldn’t be in a standard hospital making all that disturbance. You may think the same about ‘shouldn’t be’ in a standard nursing home or AL facility, but the fact is that there is nowhere else for those people to go. Your, Margaret xxx
I'm sorry this is causing you so much distress and I don't have any good solution for you, because this is a system you are powerless to change it may be best for you to detach and attend to your own needs as much as possible 😔🤗
Are these help calls in normal Tone, pitch and volume? Is there something else routine? I would not worry about it then.
Im more worried about your exposure to this sound, frankly. You should not expect a screamer as your roommate, nor be subjected to it.
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