I think mom’s MC staff contacted APS about my sister who has POA
My sister has POA for our 85 year old mother who has been in memory care for over one year. Mom has moderate dementia and worsening COPD. She also has limited mobility and is in a wheelchair.
My sister and I do not have much of a relationship and do not see or speak to each other often. The staff at the facility just say they cannot tell me much about mom’s status. However I can tell by looking at mom that she is declining rapidly. She has lost weight and sleeps all the time.
A couple months ago mom was in the hospital for her COPD and when I was visiting a doctor came in and advised that mom needed follow up care and to be seen by a specialist. He said all details would be in mom’s discharge papers. I was also told mom had been hospitalized seven times earlier in the last year.
I began to suspect that my sister with POA was not doing the needed medical coordination. I also noticed some gaps in other areas such as lack of ADLs and not having toothpaste, shower soap or shampoo that I know the facility does not provide , so I just provided them myself.
I recently talked to the DON and expressed my severe concern that mom needed more care than I believe she is getting. I specifically said I thought my sister was guilty of elder abuse in her neglect of medical care for mom. The DON told me she could not say too much, but said she understood my concerns and that others have noticed. She told me my mother had no voice there. Specifically, she said “We are mandatory reporters here. We are now just waiting for someone to come and talk to us.”
I said if that meant a call was made to some authority, I hoped it would improve things or lead to justice. She hugged me and said she hoped so too.
Do you think it likely means they did call APS? If so, how bad would it have to be? What do you think the likelihood is that APS would follow up on such a call?
In the meantime, I am doing what I can for mom. I myself called APS last year but they did not follow up. I think most people believe these are just family squabbles. This is killing me.
Thank you.
4 Answers
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I'm sorry to ask this, but what good do you think mom seeing a specialist for her COPD will do for her at this point?
I read your profile. You're very candid on your parents feeling that your sister is/was the golden child and you - well, not so much.
Your sister, for better or worse, was named by your parents as their POA, and you were not. So really, as hard as this might be to hear, there isn't much you will be able to do for her.
Suppose the courts DID intervene, and they forced your sister to relinquish her POA and assigned it to you, what do you think you could do to help your mom with her health issues?
I'm not trying to give your sister a pass here, by the way. Just asking YOU - do you really want this responsibility? Don't you think, after everything that has happened, and all of the toxic family relationships, you're really not better off just doing what you can to make mom as comfortable as you can?
If the MC called APS, then APS is going to do what they are going to do, and you have absolutely no control over it. As a government agency, with limited time, resources and funds, they often look at things from a zero-sum game point of view...in other words, are their resources best used to help an 85-year-old already in an MC with several serious health issues, where she is at least being monitored 24/7 by staff and send to the hospital as required, or is it better to use their resources to help the 85-year-old with no one at home to help them, who is clearly not able to live alone and intervention is clearly necessary?
I know this isn't the answer you're looking for, and I apologize for that. But if I were in your shoes, I think I would just continue on doing what you are doing, trying to keep mom as comfortable as you possibly can.
Mom's COPD may have gone further than a specalist can take care of. I would call APS and ask if a report has been filed. If not, I would file it for neglect. I would ask how you could get Mom to a specalist or at least get a NP to visit Mom from a specialists office.
I don't know if APS will do anything, especially since your mother has named your sister as POA. You could take her to court to revoke her POA status, but you would have to provide evidence of her neglect, then assign someone else as Guardian or POA. That may be you, if you wish to take on that responsibility.