I am caring for my 91 year old mother suffering from dementia. She makes too much money to be on Medicaid and she has a $1 million estate. She lives with me in a home she signed over to me over 10 years ago when she couldn't keep up with repairs and back taxes after my father died. She is late stage vascular dementia so she needs help with EVERYTHING. I don't mind helping, but I am 65 with my own physical issues so lifting her is doing a job on me and now I have to support her because my greedy sister who is now conservator doesn't want to give me reimbursements for ANYTHING. I submit expense reports and since there is nothing in the order saying how this goes, she decides how much to give me so when I submitted a report for over $1000 for diapers, food, utilities, I got back $192. I was going by sharing costs, so my mother should pay 50% but I can't make any sense out of her math. She is insane. But to give you a little background on her, she has had financial issues since 2012 with multiple bankruptcies, a foreclosure on her first mortgage which she got out of but now her second mortgage is in foreclosure since she hadn't paid it since 2017! So in 2025 the judge issued summary judgement to the bank and here we are. My mother will have to pay a fortune for the bond premium and because she was stupid enough to get my mother into the system, I am constantly fighting threats from judges, her and her lawyer that my mother belongs in a nursing home. I think they have some idea she can live in assisted living or memory care for a $3000 or $5000 but they don't realize that someone who needs 24/7 100% ADL is going to cost three times that even in NM!!! I don't want my mother in a nursing home, but I need help navigating a way to get reimbursed since I spend almost $100 on diapers per month and it is all coming out of MY pocket. And she let my mothers Medicare Part D lapse so I am now paying a fortune for her meds too. GoodRX and Singlecare help, but honestly, I am at my wits end. I plan to get another lawyer, so many of them are awful in this state, but in the meantime, I want to figure out how to get the reimbursements going. Thankfully the judge suggested the Medicaid/SSI thing, but she called it Medicare/SSI, which shows just how stupid judges are in this town since Medicare doesn't pay for this. I need help since my last attorney took me for $3500 and did nothing to make it easy for me.
Cameras all over the place where mom is while you're gone - they'll record what happened but they won't fix it. She needs 24/7care from professionals.
Unfortunately you've made up your mind. You've adopted a negative mindset to the point that you dislike almost everything that could help both you and mom. That's too bad. I wish you'd approach this issue from the standpoint of what mom really needs, not what you need (based on hearsay and false information from who knows where). Good luck, and though I'm pretty sure how this is going to work out, please keep us posted.
I also think you need to come to terms with where your mother is concerned. Sounds like there is medical cause for your mother to need higher level of care above assisted living. Why are you against a Long Term Care facility?
My advice is to start gaining independence and sell the house. Move your mother into AL/memory care/NH (dependent on her medical assessed need) with her income paying for this cost.
https://adultguardianship.nmcourts.gov/about/grievance-process/